According to Osho, there is no 'should' about family; when the living bond of mother, father, child exists, the right attitude arises naturally as love. If it has faded, don't pretend—speak the truth, accept that only duty remains, and clear away expectations. Keep every relationship transparent and current, allowing it to change, end, or rekindle without hypocrisy; clarity prevents webs of frustration and burden.
Don’t follow a rulebook with family—either let real love guide you, or if it’s gone, be honest, do your duty, and stop pretending.
From the Discourses
Passages where Osho speaks to this question — each links to the complete discourse.
Osho, as you have just said, life is multidimensional. What do you think should be our attitude toward the... Whether we know that what our parents... and what should be our attitude toward our family? Toward our...
There are two or three points in this. First, this is not a “should” question. The moment we say, “What should my attitude be toward mother and father?” the whole thing goes wrong. In fact, if the mother is a mother, a certain attitude is already implied; if the father is a father, a certain attitude is already implied. Their very being mother and father has already defined a way of relating. There is no room for “should” in it. No one asks me, “What should my attitude be toward my beloved?” No one asks this; so far, no one has. The reason is: with a beloved the attitude is already there. But we ask about the mother because there is no real attitude; about the father, because there is none. So we look for some formal imposition. It becomes a question. This question never arises about a beloved; it…
[A sannyasin says his parents have asked him to guarantee that if ever the need arises, he will return to Italy to be with them for a few months. He is an only child and sees his parents regularly each year, but his relationship with both of them is heavy. Osho says if this is all they are asking, then he should give them the guarantee they want from him. He says that he owes them that much at least, that he should regard his visiting them not as a duty but as love.... ] It is very difficult to love your parents, I understand. The relationship is such that when a child is born the parents love the child -- it is instinctive. With the mother it is more so, because the father is not a natural phenomenon; it is just institutional.
Osho, you have earlier said, “Live moment to moment, live in the present.” Now you are saying, “Return to the past.” What should we do?
So it is with the mind—there are ruts. The past means endless grooves. However much you understand, your intellect agrees, you make decisions, you resolve—at the moment of resolve you feel something is going to change. But not even an hour passes before your decision breaks. Then only self-condemnation is produced, nothing else. Your saints, your fakirs, your priests and pundits—most of the time they only succeed in producing self-condemnation in you, nothing else. Their words are logically correct. You cannot even say they are wrong; you have to admit they are right. In that admission you take a decision. But against what are you deciding? Inside are grooves carved since who knows when, deep tracks. Walking in them has become a habit. It is easy to walk in them. They will pull you again and again. The meaning of returning into the past is: these grooves must be erased.…
Question: BELOVED OSHO, HOW CAN I LOVE BETTER? I was a guest in a family. I was sitting in their garden in the evening. The sun was setting and it was a beautiful, silent evening. The birds were returning back to the trees, and the small child of the family was sitting by my side. I just asked him, "Do you know who you are?" And children are more clear, more perceptive than the grownups, because the grownups are already spoiled, corrupted, polluted, with all kinds of ideologies, religions. That small child looked at me and he said, "You are asking me a very difficult question." I said, "What is the difficulty in it?
Beloved Osho, is there any biological chance of an unconditioned, free and loving relationship between child and parent?
Give the child all your experiences. Make him aware that he was conceived in a very loving orgasmic moment, that love is a great gift of existence. And you have to make love the central point of your life, because only through love can you step beyond blind nature into the world of super-nature, where no blindness exists, where you become a seer. Yes, it is possible, but not possible through biology alone. It is possible if you are courageous enough to make your love your temple, your place of meditation. Then you will be attracting a soul already having the potential of uniqueness. And then give him every possibility for freedom, even if it goes against you. The freedom of your child is more valuable, because your child is the future of mankind. Your days are past. What does it matter if it goes against you? What have you…