Osho on Relationships

Osho, yesterday you said that jealousy is included in respect. I have immense respect for you, but the jealousy inherent in it keeps poisoning it, and I feel guilt and pain. Does reverence transcend this poison-laced respect?

It needs a little explaining—it's a delicate point. Whenever you respect someone, you do so because you see in that person something you do not have. You respect because you glimpse in the other something you would also like to possess. A beggar respects an emperor because he, too, longs to be an emperor. So on the one hand he respects, and inside he also envies. Because he is not yet an emperor but wants to be. You have attained what he wants to attain. He respects you as skillful, successful: “I stand far back in the line; you have gone ahead to where I should have been.” So you are powerful, clever, intelligent, strong—he respects you. But inside a fire of jealousy also burns—if he gets the chance, he would like to be in your place and push you aside. And if the beggar gets that chance, he will…

Osho, I find myself mostly attracted to women and very rarely deeply to a man. I am a little bothered about it. Could you please say something about it?

We create these conditionings so deeply that out of so much conditioning sometimes people start revolting against them. Sex should be taken VERY naturally -- we have been taking IT very seriously. Either we condemn IT as ugly, animalistic, or we raise it to something divine, but we never accept it as human and we never accept it as fun. Basically it is fun, it is a good sport! And humanity is going to remain burdened with ugly nonsense if we don't accept its beauty as a sport. It is good physical activity too, and the best of exercises. You can ask the heart specialists. Now they say sexual activity prevents heart attacks. One thing is certain, that no man has ever had a heart attack while making love. In every other kind of activity heart attacks have happened, but never making love. Have you ever heard that anybody had…

Osho, you say one thing and people understand something else. Why?

Narottam! If it were otherwise, that would be the surprise. You speak; the listener carries his past, his memory, his vested interests. The words are yours, but the meanings will be his. You cannot claim ownership over the meanings. Say what you have to say, but he will hear what he wants to hear—and even from that hearing, he will extract only the meaning he wants to extract. So don’t be annoyed. Present your point; then let him understand whatever he understands. What will you do? What can you do? If you say something more, he will take that too to mean something else. There is no end to it. Often it happens that you want to say something—with goodwill, with love, with compassion—and when you see the other has understood it all wrong, it hurts deeply. It feels as if he is being dishonest knowingly, as if he is…

It is true that in a very close relationship when one 'plays' the good, understanding, calm and relaxed one, it is only left for the other to be nervous, tense and angry? Please explain.

Yes, a certain kind of balancing always happens in relationship. If one is playing very calm and quiet and cool, the other will have to do all the work of being angry, nagging, miserable, fighting. Just a few days ago Chaitanya Hari had asked a question, "Why did Socrates continue to live with this naggy-daggy woman, Xanthippe?" The question is relevant, because he is also living with a naggy-daggy woman, Krishna. But remember, Socrates was responsible. He was playing too cool, too philosophical. Xanthippe was not as bad as she appears. If you go into the psychology of it, she was the victim of a philosopher. She had to do all the work, the poor woman. And so is the case with Krishna! Krishna was saying to me, "Osho, do you think this Chaitanya Hari is a saint?" He is not! He only pretends! Now Chaitanya Hari is also responsible…

Should one first come to terms with one's own loneliness before entering into relationship?

Two lonely people are always facing each other, confronting. Two people who have known aloneness are together, facing something higher than both. I always give this example: two ordinary lovers who are both lonely always face each other; two real lovers, on a full moon night, will not be facing each other. They may be holding hands, but they will be facing the full moon high in the sky. They will not be facing each other, they will be together facing something else. Sometimes they will be listening to a symphony of Mozart or Beethoven or Wagner together. Sometimes they will be sitting by the side of a tree and enjoying the tremendous being of the tree enveloping them. Sometimes they may be sitting by a waterfall and listening to the wild music that is continuously being created there. Sometimes, by the ocean, they will both be looking to the…

Question: BELOVED OSHO, I'M EXPERIENCING MORE AND MORE A HARMONY, A QUIETNESS, AN EASE, AN ABUNDANCE IN MYSELF, MOMENTS IN WHICH I FEEL SO VAST AND RICH, LIKE THE UNIVERSE, AND SO CLOSE TO YOU. I DIVE INTO IT AND DISAPPEAR, AND SEE THAT THIS AGAIN WAS JUST AN OPENING, A DOOR TO ANOTHER DIMENSION ON THIS ONGOING, NEVER-ENDING JOURNEY YOU ARE TAKING ME, MY BELOVED MASTER. AND I CAN FIND NO WORDS TO EXPRESS HOW MUCH I FEEL, THAT I CAN BE WITH YOU. BEING TOGETHER WITH A MAN I FIND THESE MOST BEAUTIFUL AND PRECIOUS MOMENTS SO RARELY; IT SEEMS MOST OF THE TIME IS WASTED IN LOVING AND FINDING OURSELVES AND EACH OTHER. WHY IS IT SO DIFFICULT FOR ME TO BE IN THIS HARMONY TOGETHER WITH A MAN, AND EVEN TAKE HIM WITH ME INTO THIS UNKNOWN?

Beloved Osho, you said to us this week that we should not concern ourselves with others. But most of us from the west have friends and relatives with whom we would like to share what we've found. What should we tell them about sannyas? What should we tell them about you? How can we explain the unexplainable?

But sannyas cannot be categorized. It is not a category. It is such an altogether different quality of being, there exists no category for it. It cannot be analyzed, it cannot be broken into fragments. It is not a mechanism; you cannot break it, take the pieces apart and put them together again. No, it is an organic unity. If you analyze it, it is no longer there, and you can never put it back together again. It is impossible. Sannyas is a live force -- organic, just like a flower. Analyze the flower, take each petal away, break it, look inside it, be satisfied that you have inquired, then try to put it back together. By that time, the flower is gone, the petals are dead and they can never be put back again in the same way, because it was an organic unity, it was not a mechanism.…

Gosa hoyen used to say: 'when people ask me what zen is like I tell them this story:'

NOTICING THAT HIS FATHER WAS GROWING OLD, THE SON OF A BURGLAR ASKED HIS FATHER TO TEACH HIM THE TRADE SO THAT HE COULD CARRY ON THE FAMILY BUSINESS AFTER HIS FATHER HAD RETIRED. THE FATHER AGREED, AND THAT NIGHT THEY BROKE INTO A HOUSE TOGETHER. OPENING A LARGE CHEST THE FATHER TOLD HIS SON TO GO IN _ AND PICK OUT THE CLOTHING. AS SOON AS THE BOY WAS INSIDE, THE FATHER LOCKED THE CHEST AND THEN MADE A LOT OF NOISE SO THAT THE WHOLE HOUSE WAS AROUSED. THEN HE SLIPPED QUIETLY AWAY. LOCKED INSIDE THE CHEST THE BOY WAS ANGRY, TERRIFIED, AND PUZZLED AS TO HOW HE WAS GOING TO GET OUT. THEN AN IDEA FLASHED TO HIM -- HE MADE A NOISE LIKE A CAT. THE FAMILY TOLD A MAID TO TAKE A CANDLE AND EXAMINE THE CHEST. WHEN THE LID WAS UNLOCKED THE BOY JUMPED…