According to Osho, the autonomous-partner you seek “does not exist.” He says a defining feminine impulse is to run your life; all women are, in essence, Xanthippe. So drop the fantasy of a non-directive woman and take responsibility for your own intelligence: if you grow wise, it will be in spite of relationship frictions, not because of them.
You won’t find a woman who won’t try to steer you—so stop wishing for that and focus on growing yourself.