Is it possible for two people in a relationship to be bad for each other?

Is it possible for two people in a relationship to be bad for each other? Does it happen that two peoples energy just does not mix? How to know the difference between the thorns of a healthy relationship and an unhealthy relationship?

It happened, in one town I lived for ten years, and a person used to live just above me, but he never came TO see me. Thousands of people would come and go, but he never came. He was simply puzzled as TO why people came TO me. Then he was transferred -- he was a principal in a college -- he was transferred to another town. I visited the other town. I was invited to his college to speak to the students; then he heard me for the first time. He had to because he was the principal! Then he became more puzzled; he said, "Ten years I lived just on top of you, and I missed. I never came. And I never knew that you had something to share, that you had something to give to us." He started crying. I said, "Don't be worried. Just tell me,…

Should one first come to terms with one's own loneliness before entering into relationship?

Two lonely people are always facing each other, confronting. Two people who have known aloneness are together, facing something higher than both. I always give this example: two ordinary lovers who are both lonely always face each other; two real lovers, on a full moon night, will not be facing each other. They may be holding hands, but they will be facing the full moon high in the sky. They will not be facing each other, they will be together facing something else. Sometimes they will be listening to a symphony of Mozart or Beethoven or Wagner together. Sometimes they will be sitting by the side of a tree and enjoying the tremendous being of the tree enveloping them. Sometimes they may be sitting by a waterfall and listening to the wild music that is continuously being created there. Sometimes, by the ocean, they will both be looking to the…

I have come across Jaina monks who have renounced everything, even clothes -- naked they live -- but they are still Jainas. And when I say to them, "This is something! If you have renounced society why have you not renounced the knowledge that society, the same society, gave you? If you have renounced the family why have you not renounced all the conditionings that the same family imposed upon you? Why are you still a Jaina? That means nothing has been renounced; deep down you are the same person. The Christian becomes a monk, he leaves the home and goes to the monastery; somebody becomes a Buddhist, somebody takes the path of a Hindu or a Mohammedan -- but they remain the same people. By changing outer circumstances nothing is changed; the change has to happen inside. And the first step is to put the mind aside.

That's how a master can help. A few people struggle on their own but that is very rare. And you are not that type of person, because if you were, you would not have come to me. I never went to anybody even to ask this, because even this is taking help. Even if you go to that type of person to give him the truth, he will close his ears. He will say,'l don't want it. I will find it myself.' This type may look in the beginning to be very egoistic, but he is not. That's the way he is; he wants to seek his own truth, he does not want to borrow it from anybody. Not that he is arrogant; he is humble. And he is not afraid of wasting time. He is not afraid of waiting for lives.

A relationship is not creative; it is a multiplier. It never creates anything in the first place. It is like a mirror: if there is something to be reflected, the mirror reflects. If there is nothing to reflect, the mirror cannot create anything; it is passive. So always remember to be happy, enjoying, and if something comes by the way.... And it is going to come because a happy person cannot live alone. That's why I go on gathering so many people from far-away lands ( chuckling). It is impossible to live alone. A happy person has to share. But he has to wait a little because a happy person attracts only another happy person. If you are unhappy, you will attract many people because they are also unhappy and something fits. There is a messiah, a therapist, in everybody. So when you are in misery somebody comes and sympathises.