According to Osho, heterosexual love is troublesome precisely because it unites opposite polarities—man and woman—who are drawn together by difference yet speak different inner ‘languages’ (logic/illogic, left/right brain, far/near). This creates cyclic closeness and distance and unconscious power struggles (muscle versus tears). And it isn’t new; it’s intrinsic, biological, as old as Adam and Eve.
Boys and girls are very different, so they like each other but often don’t understand each other, which makes fights normal and very old—not a new problem.
From the Discourses
Passages where Osho speaks to this question — each links to the complete discourse.
Why does heterosexual relationship create trouble and is it something new or has it been the case always?
It creates trouble because it is hetero. It creates trouble because it is between two opposite polarities. It creates trouble because it is between two different kinds of species -- man and woman. Man is one kind of species and woman is a different kind of species. They exist in opposite directions -- hence the attraction. Opposites attract. The negative electricity is attracted by the positive electricity; the positive electricity is attracted by the negative electricity. If you put two positive poles of magnetism together they repel each other. They don't attract. The similar repels, the contrary attracts. The woman is attracted to the man, the man is attracted to the woman, because they are opposite -- yin, yang, day, night, life, death, earth, sky -- they attract. But remember, the very attraction is because of the opposition. They are opposite so they attract. When you come closer there are…
Osho, I find myself mostly attracted to women and very rarely deeply to a man. I am a little bothered about it. Could you please say something about it?
We create these conditionings so deeply that out of so much conditioning sometimes people start revolting against them. Sex should be taken VERY naturally -- we have been taking IT very seriously. Either we condemn IT as ugly, animalistic, or we raise it to something divine, but we never accept it as human and we never accept it as fun. Basically it is fun, it is a good sport! And humanity is going to remain burdened with ugly nonsense if we don't accept its beauty as a sport. It is good physical activity too, and the best of exercises. You can ask the heart specialists. Now they say sexual activity prevents heart attacks. One thing is certain, that no man has ever had a heart attack while making love. In every other kind of activity heart attacks have happened, but never making love. Have you ever heard that anybody had…
Question: BELOVED OSHO, I'M EXPERIENCING MORE AND MORE A HARMONY, A QUIETNESS, AN EASE, AN ABUNDANCE IN MYSELF, MOMENTS IN WHICH I FEEL SO VAST AND RICH, LIKE THE UNIVERSE, AND SO CLOSE TO YOU. I DIVE INTO IT AND DISAPPEAR, AND SEE THAT THIS AGAIN WAS JUST AN OPENING, A DOOR TO ANOTHER DIMENSION ON THIS ONGOING, NEVER-ENDING JOURNEY YOU ARE TAKING ME, MY BELOVED MASTER. AND I CAN FIND NO WORDS TO EXPRESS HOW MUCH I FEEL, THAT I CAN BE WITH YOU. BEING TOGETHER WITH A MAN I FIND THESE MOST BEAUTIFUL AND PRECIOUS MOMENTS SO RARELY; IT SEEMS MOST OF THE TIME IS WASTED IN LOVING AND FINDING OURSELVES AND EACH OTHER. WHY IS IT SO DIFFICULT FOR ME TO BE IN THIS HARMONY TOGETHER WITH A MAN, AND EVEN TAKE HIM WITH ME INTO THIS UNKNOWN?
Gosa hoyen used to say: 'when people ask me what zen is like I tell them this story:'
NOTICING THAT HIS FATHER WAS GROWING OLD, THE SON OF A BURGLAR ASKED HIS FATHER TO TEACH HIM THE TRADE SO THAT HE COULD CARRY ON THE FAMILY BUSINESS AFTER HIS FATHER HAD RETIRED. THE FATHER AGREED, AND THAT NIGHT THEY BROKE INTO A HOUSE TOGETHER. OPENING A LARGE CHEST THE FATHER TOLD HIS SON TO GO IN _ AND PICK OUT THE CLOTHING. AS SOON AS THE BOY WAS INSIDE, THE FATHER LOCKED THE CHEST AND THEN MADE A LOT OF NOISE SO THAT THE WHOLE HOUSE WAS AROUSED. THEN HE SLIPPED QUIETLY AWAY. LOCKED INSIDE THE CHEST THE BOY WAS ANGRY, TERRIFIED, AND PUZZLED AS TO HOW HE WAS GOING TO GET OUT. THEN AN IDEA FLASHED TO HIM -- HE MADE A NOISE LIKE A CAT. THE FAMILY TOLD A MAID TO TAKE A CANDLE AND EXAMINE THE CHEST. WHEN THE LID WAS UNLOCKED THE BOY JUMPED…
Question: BELOVED OSHO, MIRDAD SAYS, "LOVE IS THE ONLY FREEDOM FROM ATTACHMENT. WHEN YOU LOVE EVERYTHING YOU ARE ATTACHED TO NOTHING." AND LATER ON: "MAN MADE PRISONER BY THE LOVE OF A WOMAN AND WOMAN MADE PRISONER BY THE LOVE OF A MAN ARE EQUALLY UNFIT FOR FREEDOM'S PRECIOUS CROWN. BUT MAN AND WOMAN MADE AS ONE BY LOVE, INSEPARABLE, INDISTINGUISHABLE, ARE VERILY ENTITLED TO THE PRIZE." WOULD YOU LIKE TO TALK ABOUT THIS? AND ALSO ABOUT SEX AND RELATIONSHIPS, AND IF THEY MATTER IN THE SPIRITUAL GROWTH? I ASK THIS QUESTION, BECAUSE I HAVE NEVER EXPERIENCED THIS EXCEPT ONCE THREE YEARS AGO, AND EVERYBODY IS EVEN GOING BEYOND IT. THIS IS WHAT BOTHERS ME THE MOST. I DON'T WANT TO GET STUCK HERE. DOES EXPERIENCING SEX DEEPLY MAKE IT EASIER TO MEDITATE? BELOVED OSHO, I AM A BIT EMBARRASSED TO ASK THIS QUESTION, BUT IT WOULDN'T GO AWAY.