How can we distinguish between love and attachment?

Osho, how can we know whether what we feel for someone is love or attachment?

Deepika, If it is love, the question will not arise at all. If the question arises, it is attachment. It is like someone asking, “Is it light or darkness? How can I know?” If you have eyes, such a question does not arise. Only if you have no eyes can it arise. Only a blind person can ask, “Is it light or dark? Is it day or night?” The blind must ask; he has no eyes of his own and must depend on the eyes of others. Love is the eye of the heart. Love is the heart opening like a lotus. When the flower of love blossoms, it is impossible not to know. It has never happened otherwise; such is the law of life. When the flower of love blooms, you know—inevitably. Even if you try to hide it, you cannot. Not only will you know; others too, who…

Osho, as I feel, love has been very confusing. Personally, sir, I feel society has confused the term “love” with attachments. To me, attachment is the outcome or by-product of human need. May I ask you what love actually is?

Love liberates, makes the other free, allows the other to be a person. Attachment turns the other into an object and possesses so totally that it refuses to recognize that the other has a soul: If I say yes, then yes; if I say no, then no; if I say day, day; if I say night, night! Attachment says, “Only I am; you be erased.” Husbands have made wives into objects, wives have made husbands into objects. Lovers make each other into objects, and the moment an object shows a little movement, a little independence, attachment turns into enmity and pain. Love is a state of consciousness, not a relationship. Attachment is a relationship. And wherever there is relationship, there is need; we relate in order to fulfill a need. Love will, of course, relate—but it is not a relationship. As I said, the lamp’s light falls; if you pass…

How can I know if detachment or indifference is growing within?

It is not difficult to know. How do you know when you have a headache and how do you know when you don't have a headache? It is simply clear. When you are growing in detachment you will become healthier, happier; your life will become a life of joy. That is the criterion of all that is good. Joy is the criterion. If you are growing in joy, you are growing, and you are getting towards home. With indifference there is no possibility that joy can grow. In fact, if you have any joy, that will disappear. Happiness is health, and, to me, religion is basically hedonistic. Hedonism is the very essence of religion. To be happy is all. So remember, if things are going right, and you are moving in the right direction, each moment will bring more joy -- as if you are going towards a beautiful garden.…

You said that love can make you free. But ordinarily we see that love becomes attachment, and instead of freeing us it makes us more bound. So tell us something about attachment and freedom.

Right now you are not. When you say, "When I love someone it becomes an attachment," you are saying you are not, so whatsoever you do goes wrong because the doer is absent. The inner point of awareness is not there, so whatsoever you do goes wrong. First BE, and then you can share your being. And that sharing will be love. Before that, whatsoever you do will become an attachment. And lastly: if you are struggling against attachment, you have taken a wrong turn. You can struggle. So many monks, recluses, sannyasins are doing that. They feel that they are attached to their house, to their property, to their wives, to their children, and they feel caged, imprisoned. They escape, they leave their homes, they leave their wives, they leave their children and possessions, and they become beggars and escape to a forest, to a loneliness. But go and…

Osho, isn’t love inherently laced with attachment and possessiveness?

Rabi‘a, a woman mystic, was sitting in her house. A fakir named Hasan was her guest. Morning came; the sun rose. Hasan went outside and called loudly, “Rabi‘a, what are you doing inside? Come out and see how beautiful the sun is—behold God’s creation!” Rabi‘a said, “Hasan! Better you come inside—for you are seeing God’s creation outside; within I am seeing the One Himself.” Creation is beautiful. But will you compare it with the Creator? A song is beautiful; it carries a slight hint of the singer’s soul. These carvings all around are beautiful, but they are a tiny work of the artist. The artist is not exhausted in the paintings, nor is the Creator finished in the creation. From that Creator infinite creations can arise, and still He remains as He is—unchanged. The Ishavasya says: “From the Full, the Full is taken, yet the Full remains.” From that God,…