Why is it so difficult to fall out of love?

Beloved Osho, to fall in love is so easy. Why is it so difficult to fall out of love? So many discussions, tears, fights, fears.... I don't want to hurt the person I've been with, because it's not that there is no feeling. I'm so confused. And the love for you is a different feeling altogether. Can you say something?

Love should come out of your silence, awareness, meditativeness. It is soft, it is unbinding -- because how can love create fetters for the one who is loved? It is giving freedom to each other, more and more. As the love grows deeper, freedom becomes bigger. As the love grows deeper, you start accepting the person as he is. You stop trying to change the person. It is one of the miseries of the world that lovers are continuously trying to change the other person. They don't know that if the person really changes, their love will disappear, because they had not fallen in love with this changed person in the first place. They had fallen in love with a person who was not touched by their ideas -- "Change this and that." Rising in love, you become aware that the other has his own territorial imperative, and you are…

Nobody wants to hurt anybody -- but it happens, that's true. So never carry wounds. It is not only a question of [your husband. If you carry the wound and the hurt feeling, you will become incapable, by and by, of loving and trusting -- and that is bad. It is not only that [your husband] has hurt you -- he has hurt love. Whenever you move in a love relationship again you will shrink, you will become afraid. Or you will move up to an extent, and not more than that. And that is bad. Persons come and go. One should never become distrustful of love. Love is bigger than the whole world. One [husband], a thousand and one [husbands] come and go, but nobody should be allowed to disturb the trust in love. Because if that is allowed, you lose all meaning in life.

You said that when two beings are in love they are in communion with each other. Then why does the world call it 'falling' in love when it is such an ecstatic happening and not a fall to a lower plane?

The world calls it falling in love because the world is ruled by the head, and heart is lower than the head. When somebody falls in love he falls from the head towards the hear And heart is there in childhood, head grows later on. Head is a later growth. You are born with a heart, you are not born with a head. You are born only with the possibility of a head, not with the head. Reason has to be taught, love cannot be taught. Reason has to be forced on you, your mind has to be conditioned. Schools, colleges, universities exist for reason, there exists no school, no college, no university for love -- there is no need! One is born with a heart already functioning perfectly. The head is just a possibility. If it is taught, conditioned, it will function; if not, it won't function at all.…

It is always so. You love a woman and you understand only when she dies, when you have lost her; and then you cry and weep. It is not because of death that you are crying and weeping; you are crying and weeping because now you see the point, and now there is no point in seeing it -- she is no more. You never loved her though you always talked about love and always quarrelled, never loved. Now she is gone and great love arises, but she is no more there to respond to it. It only happens when people lose something or gain, but the things have to be very abrupt so the mind cannot immediately function in the old pattern. If things change slowly, then there is no problem; the mind will cope.

You wanted to become rich because you were poor. The whole desire to become rich was because of your poverty. Now you are rich you don't care. Or think of it in another way. You are hungry so you are obsessed with food. But when you are feeling well and your stomach is full, who bothers, who thinks about food? The same happens with your so-called love. You are chasing a woman and the woman goes on withdrawing herself, escaping from you. You become more and more heated up and then you chase her more. And that's part of the game. Every woman knows intrinsically that she has to escape so the chase is continued for longer. Of course she is not to escape so much that you forget all about her. She has to remain in view, alluring, fascinating, calling, inviting -- and yet escaping.