Why can't I abide in tathata and surrender?

Osho, tathata and surrender feel especially dear to me, but why can’t I abide in them? Kindly guide me.

Then there is surrender: “We have nothing to do; we just have to place our head at his feet.” But do you think placing your head at his feet is easy? You have to take off the head and lay it down. To just bow and come away—that is mere calisthenics of the head. That won’t do. Did you hear Paltu’s saying yesterday? Paltu said: cut off your head—and not only cut it off, then dance upon the severed head yourself. What an extraordinary thing to say! First behead the ego, drop it. And not only drop it and stand there thinking, “Look how much I have renounced,” standing there gloomy and grave, demanding a reward—no: dance! Dance with joy, with the “ah!” of gratitude, with celebration. It is in that moment of celebration that the meeting with God happens. So if some things feel pleasant to you, don’t assume…

Osho, you always say that meditation is doing nothing, just being, and that surrender is the door. Yet you also tell us to undertake many yogas and practices. My trouble is that doing nothing and living with an attitude of surrender seems to increase tamas, and doing practices seems to risk sharpening the ego. In such a situation, what is the path?

Yesterday a young man came to me. He said, “Total surrender to you. Whatever you say, I will do.” I asked him, “What are you doing now?” He said, “I study pharmacy, but I have failed.” I told him, “Go, finish your pharmacy.” He said, “That I simply cannot do. I can never pass it.” Just a moment earlier he had been saying, “Whatever you say, I will do.” Pharmacy? “That I simply cannot do. I can never pass it.” Yet he keeps saying he will do whatever I say. We cannot even see the state of our own mind. Pharmacy cannot be completed, and there is an intention to complete God! He is fleeing from pharmacy and seeking refuge in God. And one who does not have the courage to complete a small task—what else will he complete? So I told him, “First finish pharmacy, then renounce it.” A…

Osho, neither does surrender happen to me, nor do I have the power of resolve; I am entangled in between. You have created quite a predicament for me. As it is, I cannot even bear distance from you—what should I do? Unbidden, I prayed for the well-being of your cruelties; now my hands no longer rise, even after the act of prayer.

To abandon yourself to a river like a corpse requires a profound mastery of swimming. Only a great swimmer can truly let himself go into the stream. Because a great swimmer is free of fear. He knows: if need be, I can swim. If a difficulty arises, swimming is in my hands. The greater the swimmer, the more motionless he can leave himself; he does not even move hands and feet. “What is there to fear? My hands are with me, I am always here—if a moment comes, I will swim.” Such a moment does not haunt him. Tell one who does not know how to swim, “Jump into the river—give yourself up,” and he may jump in a moment of inspiration, in some joyous surge, excitement, intoxication—my song may seize him—and he jumps. The instant he jumps, he forgets what I said. Instantly his arms and legs will flail.…

Osho, tell us of some lure that would set us moving toward God—some temptation that would engage our mind in God-realization.

Difficult today, difficult tomorrow; the day after, not so difficult—if you persist and don’t jump up, “Oh, a bad thought—get rid of it!” The witness has nothing to do with good or bad. Thorns have the same worth as flowers. We label; the witness does not. Soon, an amazing thing begins: now and then a gap appears—an interval. A thought comes, then the next does not; a space remains. In that empty space, the first glimpses begin. In that emptiness, even you are not—there is only emptiness. That is the door. Keep at it, and thoughts lessen; spaces grow. It’s like a road where a person passes, then for an hour no one—emptiness. A thought appears on the screen, then none for a long while; the screen is blank. From that blankness, your first contacts with God begin—because in that moment you are present. Thought can take you to past…

Question: First question: Osho, how can the state of surrender be attained? In life, the most difficult, the most arduous inner state is surrender. The mind is built around the ego. It is easy for the mind to assume, “I am the center of the whole universe,” as if the earth, the sun, the stars all revolve around me, for me; the whole of life is a means, and I am the end. The ego-state means: I am the goal and everything else is a means. Everything exists for me; I exist for no one. I am the target; all that happens is for me. All is an arrangement to serve me. This is the ego-mood. Surrender is exactly the opposite: I am nothing. My being is like a void, and the center lies outside me.