What happens when I struggle to surrender to the male ego?

I find it almost impossible to surrender to the male ego. Instead I become competitive, resistant or frightened. Can you say something about this?

Sagarpriya, the ego is neither male nor female. The ego is simply the ego. The one who becomes resistant to the male ego is the female ego. You are aware of the male ego, but you are not aware of your own ego. Who is resistant to surrender? Become more aware of your own ego, and then things will be easier. Everybody is aware of the ego of the other, but nothing can be done about the ego of the other. All that can be done is only with yourself. You say, 'I find it almost impossible to surrender to the male ego.' Who is this who finds it almost impossible? Find out! And then you will be surprised: ego is ego; it is neither male nor female. Don't divide it. Egos have no sex, no gender; it is the same disease. If a woman has cancer, it is cancer.…

Question: BELOVED OSHO, WHY IS IT SO HARD FOR ME TO SURRENDER TO A MAN? Then don't surrender. Why unnecessarily create trouble for yourself? Who is telling you to surrender to a man in the first place? Don't surrender. Why do you start taking unnecessary troubles on your head? If you don't feel like surrendering, don't surrender. Just the other day a woman asked me, wrote a letter saying, "I have come here, but I don't feel that this place is for me. What should I do?" Go away! Get lost! Why bother? And she also has asked, "Should I listen to my heart, or should I trust you?" Listen to your heart, lady, and get lost as fast as you can. How can you trust me against your heart? Who will trust me? The heart trusts! If the heart is against, who is going to trust me?

Osho, you have earlier said, “Live moment to moment, live in the present.” Now you are saying, “Return to the past.” What should we do?

So it is with the mind—there are ruts. The past means endless grooves. However much you understand, your intellect agrees, you make decisions, you resolve—at the moment of resolve you feel something is going to change. But not even an hour passes before your decision breaks. Then only self-condemnation is produced, nothing else. Your saints, your fakirs, your priests and pundits—most of the time they only succeed in producing self-condemnation in you, nothing else. Their words are logically correct. You cannot even say they are wrong; you have to admit they are right. In that admission you take a decision. But against what are you deciding? Inside are grooves carved since who knows when, deep tracks. Walking in them has become a habit. It is easy to walk in them. They will pull you again and again. The meaning of returning into the past is: these grooves must be erased.…

How can you surrender yourself to her and how can she surrender herself to you? She will find a thousand and one defects in you and you will find a thousand and one defects in her. One can surrender only to something perfect. It is very difficult to surrender and more difficult when you are in love, because when you are in love you have accepted the other's equality to you. You can surrender to a master -- you can go to a buddha and a christ and you can surrender -- because from the very beginning you have accepted that the other is higher. Surrender is easier -- you have already made way for it. But when you fall in love with a woman and a woman falls in love with you, you have accepted the equality of each other; in the very love, equality has been accepted.

Question: OSHO, WHAT IS THE PLACE OF SURRENDER IN YOUR RELIGION? I do not teach the ego, hence I cannot teach surrender, because surrender is nothing but the subtlest form of the ego. Surrender is not against the ego, it is in fact an act of the ego. Who surrenders? And by surrendering, who becomes humble? Who becomes meek? It is the ego standing upside down. It makes no difference whether the ego is standing on its legs or on its head. In fact it is more dangerous when it is on its head because then you will not be able to recognize it. Jesus says, "Blessed are the meek," but what is meekness? "Blessed are the humble," but what is humbleness? Can a man who has no ego be humble? How can he be humble? Who will be humble?