According to Osho, egomania is a 'cancer of the soul' that breeds tension, misery, and insanity; there is only self and no love. True self-love is the opposite: the 'I' dissolves into simple amness, bringing relaxation, silence, and bliss. Use the fruits as your test: if life grows tight and miserable, it's ego; if you become tranquil, happy, and whole, it's enlightened self-love, which enables authentic love for others.
If loving yourself makes you calm and kind, it's real self-love; if it makes you tense, unhappy, or superior, it's just your ego.
From the Discourses
Passages where Osho speaks to this question — each links to the complete discourse.
How can I distinguish between enlightened self-love and egomania?
The distinction is subtle but very clear, not difficult; subtle, but not difficult. If you have egomania, it will create more and more misery for you. Misery will indicate that you are ill. Egomania is a disease, a cancer of the soul. Egomania will make you more and more tense, will make you more and more up-tight, will not allow you to relax at all. It will drive you towards insanity. Self-love is just the opposite of egomania. In self-love there is no self, only love. In egomania there is no love, only self. In self-love you will start becoming more and more relaxed. A person who loves himself is totally relaxed. To love somebody else may create a little tension, because the other need not be always in tune with you. The other may have his or her own ideas. The other is a different world; there is every…
Will you please speak about the difference between a healthy love of oneself and egoistical pride?
Aikagro, there is a great difference between the two, although they both look very alike. The healthy love of oneself is a great religious value. The person who does not love himself will not be able to love anybody else, ever. The first ripple of love has to rise in your heart. If it has not risen for yourself it cannot rise for anybody else, because everybody else is farther away from you. It is like throwing a stone in the silent lake -- the first ripples will arise around the stone and then they will go on spreading to the further shores. The first ripple of love has to be around yourself. One has to love one's body, one has to love one's soul, one has to love one's totality. And this is natural; otherwise you would not be able to survive at all. And it is beautiful because…
In the same way ego and love also cannot exist together. Ego is like darkness. It is the absence of love, it is not the presence of love. Within us love is absent so within us the voice of 'I' goes on resounding. And with this voice of 'I' we say that 'I' want to love, 'I' want to give love; 'I' want to receive love. Have you gone mad! There has never been any relation between 'I' and love. And this 'I' goes on speaking for love -- 'I' want to pray, 'I' want to attain god, 'I' want to be liberated." This is the same thing as darkness saying, "I want to hug the sun. I want to love the sun. I want to be a guest in the house of the sun." It is inconceivable. 'I' is the absence of love itself.
When politicians are in power, campaigning, warring, they are perfectly healthy, but once out of office, illness strikes.... ] Richard Nixon's illness is very much psychological. He was healthy; there was no problem. But once the power started slipping out of his hands, he became ill and crippled. He was thinking many times in those days to commit suicide. Not only that -- once the thought even passed through his mind that he could push the button for atom bombs to be dropped on Russia. Why die alone? Let the whole world die with him. Mad people. But when they are in power, everything is good; they are all smiles. So continue your work but watch it, mm? Because the first duty is towards oneself. And remember this too as a basic dictum: you cannot help anybody else if you are not really healthy. It is impossible.
Question: LOVE YOURSELF AND WATCH -- TODAY, TOMORROW, ALWAYS. FIRST ESTABLISH YOURSELF IN THE WAY, THEN TEACH, AND SO DEFEAT SORROW. TO STRAIGHTEN THE CROOKED YOU MUST FIRST DO A HARDER THING -- STRAIGHTEN YOURSELF. YOU ARE YOUR ONLY MASTER. WHO ELSE? SUBDUE YOURSELF, AND DISCOVER YOUR MASTER. WILLFULLY YOU HAVE FED YOUR OWN MISCHIEF. SOON IT WILL CRUSH YOU AS THE DIAMOND CRUSHES STONE. BY YOUR OWN FOLLY YOU WILL BE BROUGHT AS LOW AS YOUR WORST ENEMY WISHES. SO THE CREEPER CHOKES THE TREE. HOW HARD IT IS TO SERVE YOURSELF, HOW EASY TO LOSE YOURSELF IN MISCHIEF AND FOLLY. THE KATTHAKA REED DIES WHEN IT BEARS FRUIT. SO THE FOOL, SCORNING THE TEACHINGS OF THE AWAKENED, SPURNING THOSE WHO FOLLOW THE LAW, PERISHES WHEN HIS FOLLY FLOWERS. These are poisonous ideas, but you have been poisoned.