Do you still love Somendra?

Osho, I first met you at the Matheran camp in 1964. The love with which you called out to me at the Matheran station—those words still echo in my ears. That day tears flowed in streams; even now they come in the same way. While listening to you, while having your darshan, the same state remains. I was blessed to live near you, to sit and move with you, for many years. The state of fullness of love I received from you that day is the same fullness even today. I regard this as the greatest and most astonishing event of my life. May this state of love remain until the end of my life—this blessing

Sohan, when love is, it is always complete; there is no such thing as an experience of incomplete love. Just as a circle, if it is a circle, is whole; there cannot be such a thing as an incomplete circle—if it is incomplete, we can no longer call it a circle. So too, love is always complete. That is why love is the experience closest to the divine. One who has known love will not find it difficult to know God—it is as if only one more step remains. Love is the last step to the temple of the divine; after that, there is entry into the shrine. Jesus has said: God is love. I go a step further—and I should, for two thousand years have passed since Jesus uttered that statement; in two millennia human consciousness has touched new dimensions. Jesus says, God is love. I say, love is…

Osho, my first meeting with you was in tears. So many years have passed; the tears still do not cease, nor does it seem they will. I want to dissolve just like this!

Vivekananda had gone to Ramakrishna as an inquirer and asked, “Is there God? Can you prove God exists?” Ramakrishna said, “Can I prove it? What would my proving or disproving do? If I prove it, He is; if I disprove it, He still is. Even if the whole world disproves Him, He is. I know! This is not about proving or disproving. Don’t ask that. Ask whether you want to know.” Vivekananda had gone to many. No one had ever said, “Do you want to know?” Some believed and told him, “Believe. If you believe, you will know. First have trust, faith; then you will know.” But think a moment: what foolish arithmetic is this! If you first believe, where is the space left to know? If after believing you still investigate, then you didn’t really believe. And if after believing you do not investigate, how will you ever know?…

But Osho, the longing for your love doesn’t lessen!

If love has awakened, it will live through all disappointments and frustrations. If love is awake, no circumstance has the power to defeat it. Anand Mohammed, I wanted to look into your eyes and tell you this; I did not say it. But when you decided to take sannyas, I did tell Laxmi to ask Mohammed first. You come from the Muslim tradition—after taking sannyas there should not be obstacles, people should not harass you. For other Muslim friends who have taken sannyas have faced a thousand kinds of troubles. Although in the end those troubles are beneficial, at the beginning there are great hindrances. So I told Laxmi: first ask. Otherwise let it remain hush-hush; let the heart’s secret remain in the heart—don’t make it public outwardly, in case trouble comes! Anand Mohammed is from Surat. So I said, in Surat he should not face obstacles, no difficulty should…

Osho, I am in love with a young woman. You sing songs of love, and it comforts the mind. Though I know you are singing of quite another love. Still, I take it to be my kind of love and feel pleased. I am in love with you too. Now what should I do? Drop everything and plunge into sannyas? Or as you say! I am only twenty-six.

If I were to tell you now, Surendra, “Leave everything and come,” this is the obstacle that would arise: I sit to meditate on God—yet you come into my meditation, In the parijat courtyard. There is no hurry. The beloved is not the opposite of God. From the beloved’s door the path goes to God. Love much. Purify love—of hatred, anger, jealousy, enmity. Purify anger in every way, and it becomes compassion. Purify kama, sex-desire, through and through, and it becomes Rama—the divine. If you keep purifying the love you now call love, then one day the love I call love will happen. Do not leave, do not run. Use the opportunities God gives. I teach transformation, not escape. Spring has come, the days of scattering flowers have arrived. Pick up your instrument, the days of singing ghazals have arrived. The impudent season of the passionate gaze has come, The…

Osho, again and again I try to explain things to my mind, but I cannot make it understand. How am I to forget the days I spent with you in love! Again and again your love returns to me. You tell me to forget the past; but that is not in my power. You have become detached. Now I have nothing left but these tears. No one has ever given me as much love as you have. And the mind keeps saying: When will you come?

It is Sohan’s question. Explaining will only increase the tangle. There is no need to explain; explaining does not bring understanding. And for Sohan, cleverness cannot be the way. Live in unknowing! And if remembrance comes, don’t try to push it away. Dive into it completely. If remembrance brings pain, let the pain be; cry, weep your heart out, let the tears flow! Those tears will purify. Tears shed on the path of love purify. And such remembrance is not worry; it is the heart’s own upwelling. The obstacle arises because the mind keeps advising, “Let go; remembrance brings pain. The memory of love hurts.” It is the intellect that keeps interfering. Nothing will be solved by obeying this intellect. The intellect never wins over the heart if the heart is strong. And Sohan has a strong heart. Let the intellect keep barking; the heart will walk its own way.…