According to Osho, relating is hard because most people are 'not yet'—innerly empty, seed-like, and afraid of being exposed. True relating arises only between fulfilled beings who overflow with love; then intimacy respects freedom (I–Thou), not possession. Grow from seed to flower—self-actualize, cultivate inner fragrance—so sharing becomes natural, fearless, and joyous.
It’s hard to relate because we feel empty and scared; become full of love inside (a flower), and sharing with others becomes easy and free.
From the Discourses
Passages where Osho speaks to this question — each links to the complete discourse.
Why is it so difficult to relate?
Millions of people have decided to remain seeds. Why? When they can become flowers and they can also have a dance in the wind and the sun and the moon, why have they decided to remain seeds? There is something in their decision: the seed is more secure than the flower. The flower is fragile; the seed is not fragile, the seed looks stronger. The flower can be destroyed very easily; just a strong wind and the petals will blow away. The seed cannot be destroyed so easily by the wind, the seed is very protected, secure. The flower is exposed -- such a delicate thing, and exposed to so many hazards: a strong wind may come, it may rain cats and dogs, the sun may be too hot, some foolish man may pluck the flower. Anything can happen to the flower, everything can happen to the flower, the flower…
But Osho, since we live in society, we must live in certain relationships. What measures do you suggest so that we can live in society yet remain whole—as you recommend—in love, in the state of love?
Certainly, if we are to live in society, we will have to live in relationships. But let relationships not be there to fill some psychological lack or some spiritual absence in us. Let us be whole within ourselves first, and then let there be relationships. If we are complete within ourselves and then we relate, those relationships will never determine any spiritual slavery for ourselves or for the other; they will be flowers blossoming in freedom. Two flowers bloom side by side; they too are related. Each receives the fragrance of the other, yet neither depends on the other, neither is bound, and neither makes demands. In the sky so many stars shine at night. All the stars pour out light. Their lights meet and relate, but no star is bound by another’s light. Each has its own light. Becoming related in this way does not diminish their individuality. In…
The positive relationship is a totally different one. You are not trying to escape from yourself. You love to be yourself, you love your aloneness, you rejoice in it, and whenever you find time you move into it. But in aloneness so much bliss is created that you have to share it. It becomes a burden, like a cloud full of rainwater -- it has to shower. It doesn't matter whether the earth needs it or not, it does not matter whether the trees are receptive or not; it has to shower, it has to unburden itself. Remember, the greatest burden in life is experienced when you are overflowing with bliss. Everything else can be carried, but bliss has to be shared. It is the greatest burden -- sweet, but a mountainous burden. You cannot carry it alone, you need friends to share it with. Then a relationship is positive.
Osho, you have titled this series of talks “Sahaj Yoga.” Do “sahaj” and “yoga” not seem mutually opposed?
Anand Maitreya! They don’t just seem opposed, they are opposed. But no ultimate truth of life can manifest without contradiction. Life is made of opposites—darkness and light, day and night, woman and man, negative electricity and positive electricity, birth and death. The very structure of life is woven of opposites. Hence the opposites are not only opposed; they are complementary to each other. If you have labored hard all day, you will be able to sleep deeply. Labor and rest are opposites, yet only the one who has worked can rest deeply—and the one who has not worked cannot. So the opposites are not only opposed, they complete each other. And only the one who has rested deeply at night can rise in the morning and engage in work again. One who has not rested through the night will not be able to work in the morning. Look closely at…
Why is communication so difficult?
So only in rare moments of love does communication happen, otherwise it is always a quarrel, a subtle conflict. You say one thing, the other understands something else. The other says something, you understand something else. If you really want to communicate, become more and more loving -- because love is needed, not language. Language is a barrier, love is a bridge. If you really want to communicate, start slipping out of your mind. Become more and more zeros, no-minds, and suddenly you will see miracles happening. It is happening here. The new people who come here are not in tune with me. For a few days I say something, they understand something else. But as they become more and more open to my love, communication starts happening. To those who have really lived long with me and have become intimate, to those with whom the barrier of language has…