Why is it hard to receive love?

"I am life, love, joy. Here I give you life, love, joy." Osho, when I heard you say this two mornings ago, my body trembled with awe and also a deathlike fear of getting lost in you or of missing out completely. Why am I finding it so hard to receive this life, love, joy, from you?

CHINTANA, EVERYBODY FINDS IT HARD, because to receive joy, to receive light, love, goes against your ego. The ego wants to be the donor, not the receiver; the ego always wants to give, not to receive. It is easier to give love; it is very difficult to receive it. To be at the receiving end ego feels very much hurt. It is always difficult, and it is going to be still more difficult if you are with a Buddha or a Christ or a Krishna -- because you have nothing to give to them. You have all to take from them and nothing to give them in return. Your ego feels annihilated. If you can give me something in return, it will not feel so bad, but what can you give? And whatsoever you can give will be just a token and nothing else, because whatsoever you have is nothing.…

Beloved Osho, what is it to give and what is it to receive? I understand now that I am only just beginning to glimpse these. Receptiveness feels like dying to me, and automatically everything inside goes on red alert! Help! Existence seems so huge.

You don't know anything about existence; you don't know anything about yourself -- which is the closest point of existence to you. Unless you start from your own being, you will never know existence. That is the starting point, and everything has to begin from the very beginning. Knowing yourself, you will know your existence. But the taste and the fragrance of your existence will give you courage to go a little deeper into the existence of others. If your own existence has made you so blissful... it is a natural longing to enter into other mysteries that surround you: human mysteries, mysteries of the animals, mysteries of the trees, mysteries of the stars. And once you have known your existence you are no longer afraid of death. Death is a fiction; it does not happen, it only appears... It appears from the outside. Have you ever seen your own…

So make it a complete circle: he has given you life -- you take a message to him of another life. He has given you birth -- help him to meditate so he can be reborn. Then you have paid the debt. ... Bring a few of my books to him, and when he can read.... Or you can read him my books and he can listen to tapes. [A therapist asks about his new relationship; that he finds it difficult to receive love, rather than to give it.] Mm mm, the mind is very afraid of love, so you have to consciously drop those defenses, otherwise love will never happen. You can go on giving; giving is not difficult for the mind. The ego remains perfectly guarded. In fact it feels very good, enhanced, that you are giving love, sharing love; you have so much love to give.

[The Sahaj group is present. A member says she found it easier to give than to take.] It is always so. It is very difficult to take -- it is very easy to give, because the ego can give easily but cannot take easily. It is very easy for the ego to have the upper hand, it always enjoys to have the upper hand. When you give, you have the upper hand -- you are the giver -- you have obliged the other. Now the other has to be thankful to you: you are so great. [Osho said all the old scriptures say one needs to learn to be able to take. He said that to give or receive makes no difference to a real man -- he is grateful either way. Osho said she should begin to receive things -- just small things....

Beloved Osho, cleaning the house, preparing the tea, being in joyful anticipation -- then you are right in front of me, showering your love on us, and from time to time I see myself closing the doors and the windows as fast as possible and escaping from the back door. Beloved Osho, this old fear of receiving love and staying open, this old voice saying, "this is too much for me" seems so ridiculous and out-of-date. How to drop them?

Rather than being worried about love, you should be more concerned about expanding your consciousness... a few more acres are needed. And whenever you feel it is too much, always remember, you need more space. Love is never too much, it is always that the space is too small. Your insistence should be on the space, because that is in your hands, to make it bigger or not. Love is not in your hands. Love is something that comes from beyond. But you can make a bigger space to allow that love. Drop this idea, "This is too much." Love is never too much. Secondly, you are thinking about love intellectually. That's why you say it seems so ridiculous and out-of-date. If you look through intellect the fear appears to be ridiculous, because love is not going to harm you, why are you afraid? But love is going to destroy…