Why am I always running so fast? Is there something that I don't want to see?

Beloved Osho, why am I always running so fast? Is there something that I don't want to see?

Prem Amita, it is not only you; almost everybody is running as fast as he can from himself. And the problem is, you cannot run away from yourself. Wherever you go you will be yourself. The fear is of knowing oneself. It is the greatest fear in the world. It is because you have been so immensely condemned by everybody for the smallest things -- for the smallest mistakes, which are absolutely human -- that you have become afraid of yourself. You know that you are not worthy. That idea has sunk very deep into your unconscious -- that you are not deserving, that you are utterly worthless. Naturally, the best way is to get away from yourself. Everybody is doing it in different ways: somebody is running for money, somebody is running for power, somebody is running for respectability, somebody is running for virtue, saintliness. But if you look…

I am always in a hurry and always worrying whether I will be able to reach or not.

Naturally, as you grow in age you become more miserable. It is not death that makes you miserable and it is not old age that makes you miserable -- it is the impossibility of the goal. When you are young you can hope. Enough time is there, enough energy is there, the body is healthy, and you have not tasted frustration yet, and dreams look beautiful. By and by, as you grow in age, you will grow in frustration. All dreams will break somewhere. And you will go on creating new illusions because you cannot live without an illusion. Death comes close and the goal does not come -- that is what misery is. That is what frightens. But if you don't have any goal, you will not be frightened by death. If you don't have any goal, you will not be frightened by anything -- nothing can be taken…

Without any reason I do some jobs in a hurry; especially eating.

This is from Vishnu Chaitanya. Vishnu Chaitanya, something is eating you: some deep worry is inside that creates hurry; some deep tension which does not allow you to relax. So, the next time you are eating something, watch what is eating you. When you are hurrying, just watch. Are you escaping from somewhere? Are you trying to avoid some situation? Are you trying not to see something which is there inside you? Are you trying to suppress something? Is there some worry and you don't even want to accept that it is there? Is there some wound which you are hiding in flowers? Watch deep down. All people who are in a hurry simply show that they are carrying some deep worry, and they are not even courageous enough to face it. Bring it up, let it surface. Encounter it, and you will be simply surprised. If you can encounter…

A friend has asked: Osho, isn’t running necessary in order to stop?

Yes, it is. But you are already running. You have run enough. The race of many lifetimes is behind you; you are its outcome. Now there is no need to run more; now stopping is needed. But our mind finds many devices to deceive itself. A religious teacher explained at length to small children: if you want to be free of sin, you must do penance, pray, confess your guilt before God, and take a vow never to repeat it. After much explaining he asked them, “What is necessary to be free of sin?” A little child said, “To sin is necessary.” Certainly, to be free of sin, sin is necessary. But by sinning alone no one becomes free. After sinning, something more must be done. Certainly, to stop, running is necessary. But by running alone, no one will stop. And the running is already on. What we call life…

One friend has asked: is it not necessary to run in order to stop?

It is necessary. But you are running already. You have run enough. There is a long history of previous births behind you where you have been running. You are the result of this. Now it is no longer necessary to run; now it is necessary to stop. But our mind finds many ways of deceiving itself. A moral teacher taught little children, "If you wish to be freed from sins, you must repent; you must pray. You should confess your sin before God and vow never to do it again." After the lesson was over he asked the children, "What must you do to liberate your selves from sin?" A little child answered, "We must commit a sin." You have to commit a sin in order to be rid of sin. But it is not enough to sin, you have to do something more. It is necessary to run in…