What is the feeling of deep love and longing to convey it?

Beloved Osho, whenever I try to write what I would like to tell you before going back to the west, I find myself as speechless as lancelot. It is more than gratitude, more than love, more than you and me. And yet, some longing to convey this feeling is there, strong, and doesn't go;there is a quiet sadness and a burning fire. Beloved master, how can I express the immensity that has filled me so many times when sitting in your presence and living in your buddhafield?

Because "it is more than gratitude...." You say "gratitude" and you certainly feel you have not said it; the word is so small and the experience is so big -- and yet there is a great longing to convey the feeling. These are the mysteries of life: when you cannot say, the urge becomes more and more powerful to say it. The musician says in his own way, the poet says in his own way, the painter says in his own way, but nobody succeeds -- something remains beyond all expression. That something beyond expression is God, is truth, is enlightenment, is liberation. But these words also don't say it; they only indicate -- just fingers pointing to the moon. You are right, "There is a quiet sadness and a burning fire... how can I express the immensity that has filled me so many times when sitting in Your presence…

Osho, why can the Supreme Beloved not be defined? If something can be experienced, why can it not be expressed?

We could conduct this experiment with a child: the child is born and we remove all the fibers that sense sweetness—plastic surgery, excise them, peel the tongue. Then tell him, “The sugar drop is sweet.” He will say, “Say something more; this doesn’t help. What do you mean by sweet? What does ‘sweet’ mean?” You too would be baffled: what is there to explain about “sweet”? “Sweet is sweet!” He will say, “That solves nothing—that’s mere repetition. ‘Sweet is sweet’—what did that clarify? Please explain.” How will you explain? No; there are experiences, and yet they cannot be defined. And those experiences that can be defined only mean this much: they are common experiences—everyone shares them. But the experience of the divine is supremely uncommon. It happens, once in a great while, to a rare individual. Understand the plight of that rare one. He has known—now how to tell you?…

You have said it -- and to say it through energy is a better way to say it. If you can be possessed by my energy and you can let go and can sway, you can convey more deeply that which cannot be conveyed by any verbal communication, because verbal communication is very superficial communication. All that is significant can only be conveyed through energy communication. Two lovers hold each other's hands and something is communicated. Or two lovers kiss each other, and something is communicated, or they embrace and something is communicated. When you allow yourself to be possessed by my energy, something in the deepest core of your being starts conveying, because those movements are not coming from your mind. It is a code. Those movements are coming from the very source of your being.

Words will not be able to say it, words are not meant to say something so deep. Words are only mundane, superficial. They are good for the marketplace, utilitarian, are a must, but not for such deep experiences. So whenever you come closer to any depth in your being, suddenly words become useless, meaningless. You can go on trying but you will not find the right word to express it. And whatsoever word you find will look inadequate, will look almost sacrilegious... will look almost as if rather than saying it, it is destroying it. It will not be able to contain the meaning because the meaning is big and vast and the word is very tiny and small and narrow. The word to be useful has to be narrow, otherwise it will have so many meanings and will become useless.

So there is no problem. Your relationship is going so beautifully. There is no need to create some trouble in it. Learn one thing: sometimes it is good to be on holidays from your relationship, that's all. That is the lesson to be learned -- not that you have to drop out of relationship. So sometimes manage it that [your girlfriend] goes away for a few days and you go for a few days, and that is perfectly good. In fact, that should be done very very knowingly. After two, three months for three, four days, be separate. There is no need to go anywhere -- just be here but be separate. For four days don't see each other. It is good -- it brings appetite again -- and nothing is wrong in it. But dropping out of the relationship is not going to help.