What happens when one experiences negativity and chaos after taking sannyas?

Beloved Osho, when I took sannyas two years ago, I felt an ecstasy and joy that I had never imagined possible for me. But lately I feel much negativity, fear, resistance and "no" to everything, and my life is a constant chaos. I cannot go back and I cannot go forwards. Does that mean that the honeymoon is over now?

It does not matter whether the Catholic pope sucks your blood and you are a Catholic, or the Hindu shankaracharya sucks your blood and you are a Hindu. The real thing is: Hindu, Mohammedan, Christian, Jew -- whoever you are, somebody is sucking your blood. And the way to suck your blood is to deprive you of your nature, to make you perverted, to divert your potentiality into directions where you will never reach the goal. That brings despair. You go on and on, and it is just desert and desert; as far as you can see it is desert. All your yesterdays were a desert, your today is a desert, the future seems to be just the same. This is despair. You are not arriving at any oasis. You are thirsty, you are hungry.... Who has done this immense criminal act? All the religions have been teaching people to…

First, a few things about sannyas.... It is an initiation into the formless. It is not an initiation into some rigid form, it is not giving you a certain discipline -- on the contrary it is an initiation into freedom, into a formless creative chaos. The old concept of sannyas all over the world was to give you a rigid discipline, to give you a character, to give you a certain form, a pattern, a life style. My sannyas is not like that at all; it is a radical charge. I don't give you any character, because to me the man of character is a dead man. I would like to take all character from you so you are left in a creative chaos... so each moment one has to respond to life, not out of a certain pattern.

Beloved Osho, during catharsis I express only negative emotions, anger, jealousy, anguish, etcetera. Why do I not express love, devotion, bliss and religious emotions? Do I not possess them?

They are in you but they are a little deeper. When a well is dug, first of all it is stones, pebbles and mud which come out and not the water. It depends on the land also. Somewhere the water is at thirty feet and somewhere the water is at sixty feet deep. Water is certainly there. Every land has water underneath it but the difference is of depth. A simple-minded person will get the water soon -- maybe at two, three or ten feet, and if a complicated person digs then he may get it at fifty or sixty feet. An innocent-minded person will get it quickly, but a violent, angry man will take a long time to reach the water level. The difference is in the layers of the land. Water is underneath all land. The soul is there in everyone, godliness is there in everyone -- the…

Utter confusion is my part. Good and bad have ceased to exist. I am neither proud nor ashamed and yet I am both. Whatever I have achieved seems lost in a fog, resolved together with my failures. Like smoke I feel, but through the smoke a tremendous sadness arises like a sharp rock with a velvet covering. Osho, I can't perceive the end of it -- or is there no end? Is it ecstasy carrying the weight of impurity? Please, Osho, give me sannyas.

This opportunity can turn into a curse too, if you fall victim to some Adolf Hitler; but this curse can become a great opening into the unknown if you are fortunate enough to be in the vicinity of a buddha. If you are fortunate enough to be in love with a buddha, your life can be transformed. People who are still rooted in tradition, and who think they know what is right and what is wrong, will never come to a buddha. They will continue to live their life -- the routine life, the dull, the dead life. They will go on fulfilling their duties as their forefathers used to do. For centuries they have been following a track and they will go on following that trodden track. Of course, when you follow a trodden track, you feel certain -- so many people have walked on it. But when you…

The whole spring bursts forth within you

Unless you are a rebel you will not attain to fragrance. It is only through rebelling against all the rotten traditions that one becomes fragrant. Tradition stinks, and if you remain part of it you continually stink. The past is dead, it is a corpse, and to live clinging to the past is disgusting. But that's what millions of people are doing. We have to get rid of the past. You are, only when you are free of the past; for the first time you are, for the first time you are an authentic individual. And that authenticity brings fragrance. Your heart opens up into a beautiful flower, you become a lotus. <q>THE MIND HAS TO CEASE FOR THE TRUTH TO BE</q> Knowledge that is borrowed from others is untrue, knowledge that is gathered from scriptures is untrue. It may have come from a very original source, from a Jesus,…