What happens when I feel drawn to someone but also anxious about my actions around them?

Why do I feel fear when somebody comes close to me?

You may not even have heard about the other two. Even the first is a rarity. Very few people attain to the real physical orgasm, they have forgotten about it. They think that ejaculation is orgasm. So many men believe that they have orgasm and because women don't ejaculate, not at least visibly, eighty per cent of women think that they don't have any orgasm. But ejaculation is not orgasm. It is a very local release, a sexual release -- it is not orgasm. A release is a negative phenomenon -- you simply lose energy -- and orgasm is a totally different thing. It is a dance of energy, not a release. It is an ecstatic state of energy. The energy becomes a flow. And it is all over the body; it is not sexual, it is physical. Each cell and each fibre of your body throbs with new joy.…

Why do I find attractive people frightening?

If it is frightening, let it be frightening, but go into it. The fear will disappear. The only way to drop any fear is to go into the very thing of which you are afraid. If somebody comes to me and says that "I am afraid of darkness," then I always suggest to them, "The only way is: go into the dark night, sit somewhere alone outside the town under a tree. Tremble! Perspire, be nervous, but sit there! How long can you tremble? Slowly slowly, things will settle. The heart will start beating normally... and suddenly you will see that darkness is not that frightening either. And slowly slowly you will become aware of the beauties of darkness -- which only darkness can have: the depth, the silence, the velvety touch of it, the stillness, the music of the dark night, the insects, the harmony. And slowly slowly, as…

On the physical plane love expresses itself as sexuality, sensuality. On the psychic plane it becomes love and on the spiritual plane it becomes Prayer, but all these are a continuum. It is the same phenomenon growing, it is the same phenomenon reaching new heights, new planes, new plenitudes; and life really becomes full of an unknown sweetness. The heart is able to sing and the body is able to dance and the being is full of gratitude. The moment of love is the most Precious moment in existence, and it is through that moment that one slips into eternity. So remember: love is the highest religion, the highest truth. All else that pretends to be religious and pretends to be true is nothing but man's imagination. Only love is natural -- the natural way to god!

When I was younger I used to feel a certain pull near open windows, high up in buildings. Many of the people with whom I work now also do. The feeling is: "if I go any closer, I may have to jump." my experience is that it is not suicidal. What is it? Can you say more about it?

YES, DEVABHAKTA. I CAN SAY MORE about it because I have felt that same fear in you when you come close to me. You keep a certain distance. You are afraid. The fear is not suicidal -- or is suicidal in a very different sense, in a spiritual sense. You are not afraid of the ordinary death; you are afraid of what Zen people call 'the great death'. You are afraid of disappearing, you are afraid of melting. You are afraid of losing your hold upon yourself. And everybody is afraid of that in one way or other. That's why we live always in control. Control is not only imposed by the society; even if the society removes all control, people will continue to live in control, they will create their own control, their own discipline. Even if society decides to make everybody absolutely free, people will not be free,…

The non-lover is afraid to take. He is afraid that if he takes too much he will have to give back. He cannot take a deep breath, he cannot inhale deeply, because he is afraid that if he inhales deeply he will have to exhale deeply. He is so miserly -- his breathing is shallow, his living is shallow, his loving is shallow. And they are always proportionate: the deeper you inhale, the deeper you will have to exhale; and the deeper you exhale, the deeper the next inhalation will go... and there is no end to this process. Love makes one rich. And the other meaning I also liked -- the top branches of a tree -- because love brings one's life to a peak, to the highest peak, to ecstasy.