According to Osho, an explosive catharsis fails to appear when you passively wait for “spontaneity” after a lifetime of suppression. Deep repressions need your conscious cooperation: amplify slight tremors or tears, give total energy, drop shame and concern for others’ opinions, enjoy and be playful, and use the body to help (cry, scream, jump, thrash). Without this wholehearted help, release stays superficial.
You’ve held feelings in for years, so you must actively help them out—don’t wait; cry, shake, shout, and enjoy it—or nothing big will happen.