How to resolve the conflict between the desire for enlightenment and the pursuit of it?

Beloved Osho, I feel really confused about this whole enlightenment business. On the one hand, you say, "be thoroughgoing in your search for enlightenment." but on the other hand, the very desire to become enlightened prevents it. How to solve this dilemma?

That night he slept without any desire. He had no idea what he was going to do tomorrow morning. For six years he was so much involved in searching for enlightenment, but now he had no energy even to think what he was going to do tomorrow morning. He slept one of the deepest sleeps of his life -- no desires, no dreams, no thought. And when in the morning he opened his eyes, the last star was disappearing. It was still a little dark, a little before the sun would be rising. As the last star was disappearing, he simply watched it disappearing -- utter silence all around. And suddenly he became aware of his own light. He heard for the first time the still small voice that there is no need to search anywhere: You are it. But without those six years of thoroughgoing search this moment would…

Since coming to you, living a meditative life has become an easier and more natural phenomenon. However, I have practically given up all hope for enlightenment are these tendencies contradictory?

Not at all. To attain to enlightenment that is a must -- that you should lose all hope and desire for it. Otherwise the desire for enlightenment becomes a nightmare in itself. And the more you desire it, the further away you are from it -- greater the desire, greater will be the distance. Drop all desiring for it, all hoping for it. If you have really become desireless about enlightenment, any moment it is possible to happen. Give space; don't be filled with the desire for it. The greatest barrier to enlightenment is the longing for it, because a mind that longs and desires is always tense. It has a subtle anxiety around it; it is never at ease. How can you be at ease if you have to go somewhere, reach somewhere? You may be sitting, but you are on the move. Visibly you may be resting, but…

Beloved master, why are desires a "no-no," but longing for the heights okay? I get lost in the subtleties of the words. The buddha made a supreme vow not to rise from meditation until attaining enlightenment. For three days and nights he had visions and hallucinations, including ones of hell, demons, etcetera. What kind of effort is this?

That evening the ego disappeared. The full moon rose. He watched the full moon, he enjoyed the full moon. For six years he had not seen the moon at all, he was so much preoccupied with his own spiritual attainment. The night was cool and beautiful. The forest was silent, and just by the side was flowing the river Niranjana. He enjoyed the reflection of the moon in the Niranjana. He enjoyed the silence. Then he fell asleep. He slept without any dreams, because all dreams are by-products of desires. In the morning when it was dawn and the birds started singing he was awakened by their songs. Lying under the tree, nowhere to go, nothing to do, he watched the sun rise above the horizon; the east becoming red and a beautiful morning and the cool breeze.... And something happened, something clicked. He became enlightened -- not out of…

Osho, I have heard that enlightenment, or the natural state of man, is something acausal -- it just happens. And all our endeavours to bring about awareness, to be aware, are actually taking us away from this state since they are all mind games, and these activities for self-awareness are just a "holy business". I cannot imagine what my life would be if I gave up the search since it has permeated my life as long as I can remember. If there is no way to integrate, nothing one can do, why all this activity? Why bother? Yet what else is there to do? Please comment.

It happens only to those who are not holding anything back, when you have put all that you have at stake, when nothing is left behind, when you are utterly empty, you have emptied yourself totally, and it is not happening, then the understanding arises, "My efforts are futile. My efforts are ego efforts -- the ego is futile. My efforts are my own mind games. The mind itself is the barrier." But this has to become your own experience, Samadhi. It is not going to help if you have heard it. You can hear great truths, but unless they arise in your own being they are not true. A heard truth is a lie: only an experienced truth is a truth. And only the experienced truth liberates. How will you experience it? You would like to have it without any efforts. You would like it to happen as it…

Beloved Osho, I feel very devoted to you, and since being with you my life has transformed very much. In my heart I feel you are my master. For the first time I feel a contentment with my outer life and my relationships with others, and there is no desire for anything external. But an inner yearning for the ever elusive enlightenment and bliss remains, and I cannot do anything to stop that desire. Is this a barrier? Isn't it likely to remain until the reality is realized, however?

Yes, it is a barrier, because there is no question of any desire, whether for external things or for internal things. Desire is the same, there is no distinction, so don't divide desire, and don't say, "No more are worldly desires within me, but the otherworldly desire is there." The otherworldly desire is as worldly as any worldly desire -- desire is worldly. So don't divide, don't play tricks. Objects of desire are not significant; desiring is significant. You can desire wealth, you can desire God -- desiring remains the same, only the object has changed. You can desire a palace here, you can desire a palace in paradise -- objects have changed, but the desire remains the same. You can desire anything whatsoever, desire will be the same. Remember this. And with desire you cannot attain realization. Desire has to be dropped. So what to do? Really there is…