How can I ensure that the woman I am marrying is pure in character?

Beloved master, I want to get married. How can I be sure that the woman I am marrying is pure in character?

Suresh, this is what I call the rotten Indian mind! If the woman is really pure, why should she be marrying you in the first place? And why this desire, this imposition on the other? And what do you mean by purity, purity of character? Do you mean that she has not known anybody sexually before you? But that will mean marrying a woman who is immature, marrying a woman who is inexperienced. If you are going to employ an engineer, will you ask him, "The first requirement is that you shouldn't know anything about engineering"? Then you ask about experience; you want proofs, certificates. If you are wise you will inquire whether the woman has been loved by other people too. If a woman has not been approached by anybody up to now, escape! What does it mean? It simply means the woman is dangerous! Only very ugly people…

Question: BELOVED OSHO, CAN I EVER BE HAPPY WITH MY WIFE? Love affairs have been failing, and parents feel very happy. People come to me and they say, "Look, in the West love affairs have been failing. Then why are you against marriage?" they ask me. Love affairs are failing because first the marriage was arranged by the astrologer, then it was arranged by the parents, and now it is being arranged by biology, by instinct. You suddenly feel that you like a woman, but you don't know how long this is going to last and you are not even aware why you like her. You are not even alert to what it is in you that likes her. Maybe it is just her hairstyle. Now, are you going to get married to a hairstyle?

Osho, can you tell what was in front of the window? What were they seeing through that hole?

Whoever keeps repeating a lie becomes a lie. Whoever holds a lie in place becomes, little by little, a corpse—dead, a hypocrite. When there is no love, you have to say there is love, to proclaim there is love, to put on a show of love. A thousand devices are needed—because love is gone. If love is there, it is enough; no need to bring a sari, no need to bring bouquets or buy garlands—love is sufficient. Love has its own air, its own fragrance. But when love dies, then bring saris, bring jewelry, bring gifts; somehow make up for what has died, gather a few hollow contrivances to maintain the deception that love is there. Because once a promise was made—now how to break the promise! But what can you do? This fire is such that you cannot light it, you cannot put it out. You are helpless. Love…

Osho, should one marry by the family’s choice or by one’s own?

It cannot be a “selection.” Before marriage what is needed is acquaintance, not choosing—deep acquaintance! If a year, two years, four years of knowing someone brings you to the point where you feel yes, living a lifetime together will be joyful and blissful, then it is neither a matter of “choice” nor of the family’s will. Then marriage is only a formality to be observed because you live in society, among others. If you are living in my commune, even that formality need not be observed. The marriage ceremony is maintained only to ensure the husband doesn’t run away tomorrow. You have to bring in the law—police, magistrates, courts—so that if today everything is fine but tomorrow he runs off, then what? What about the children? If you belong to my commune, Gyan Ranjan, then there is nothing to worry about. The way I see the world and the future,…

A man came and asked me, “Osho, if some young man from your ashram breaks the rules and gets married, what punishment do you give him?” I said: “Nothing.” He said: “Why?” I said: “That itself is his punishment.” Poor fellow—punishment enough; now he will have to go through it.

A man plays the flute—solo, alone—that is one thing. If he plays the flute with a tabla, he must learn more art, because now the flute must move with the rhythm of the tabla; now he must learn accompaniment. Marriage is accompaniment between two instruments. Meditation is solo: you sit by yourself playing your flute. Whether you play right or wrong, nobody has anything to do with it. If you are both the player and the listener, it’s your fun. But when you play the flute with another who is giving rhythm on the tabla, then you must keep pace with the tabla; you must create harmony between the two. Marriage is accompaniment. Great skill is needed. Very few marriages in this world succeed. That even a few do is a miracle—they shouldn’t! They happen by accident, by coincidence. Most of them fail. Ninety-nine out of a hundred marriages are…