Disillusionment

Why is it that whenever I leave your lecture I quickly become disillusioned with myself because I am unable to live up to the ideals you put forward in your lecture?

What are you talking about? Ideals? That's exactly what I go on destroying. I am not putting any ideals before you. I am not giving you any fantasies about the future. I am not giving you any future at all, because the future is a trick to postpone the present. It is a trick to avoid yourself, a way to escape from yourself. Desire is a deception, and ideals create desires. I am not giving you any 'should' or any 'should not' either positive or negative. I am simply telling you to drop all ideals and BE. But I can understand your question. You make an ideal out of it. You start thinking 'How should I be?' You start thinking 'What should I do to be?' I am trying to take away the ideals and you make an ideal out of it -- how to drop all ideals. You misunderstand…

My parents deceived me with father christmas. Are you real, or will I be disillusioned again?

The question is from Anand Nitya. Why she has asked has to be understood. Since she has been here in this ashram, she has not been able to become part of the family. She has been resisting in many ways. I tolerate these things for a time, but I cannot tolerate them forever; otherwise I will not be able to help you at all. A day is bound to come when I will start hammering. The day I start hammering, you start feeling negative, you start feeling against me. If I go according to you, then everything is beautiful, then Osho is beautiful. The moment I start going in some other direction when it is not easy for you to go with me, then negativity arises. And I have to go against all of you! Because I love you. I have to go against all of you; otherwise I will…

Would you talk about the relationship between disillusionment and celebration. I'm feeling a strange mixture of the two -- a dying and a coming to life at the same time.

That's why I am so much against Satya Sai Baba. He is trying to help your projections. That is my criticism of his effort. He tries to go with your projections. He is not an independent man, he depends on you. You project and he will try to fulfil your projections -- at least he will pretend that you are in the close vicinity of a special man who can do miracles, who can make things appear from nowhere. Now Aniruddha can become a victim of a man like Satya Sai Baba because then he will think this is special; no ordinary man can do it. That's true, but ordinary magicians ARE doing it. But these tricks are very dangerous. They are very subtle in their exploitation. Aniruddha can easily become a victim of any charlatan, of any deceiver. Now will be the decisive moment for him. He will have…

I have heard that the person whom one loves does not really exist but is a projection focussed through the lens of the mind onto whatever screen it has with the least distortion. Can you elaborate?

The question is from Neeravo. There is no need to elaborate. You heard absolutely rightly. That's how it is. It is a simple fact. We go on projecting, we go on seeing things which we want to see. We never allow reality to be as it is. We never allow that which is to be mirrored in us. We go on carrying thoughts, desires, ideas, and we project them. And in love that happens more because in love you are almost on a psychedelic trip. Love is psychedelic; some kind of inner LSD is released, some hormones are released, some chemical things change inside you. You are affected by those chemical changes and you start seeing things. You become a visionary, a dreamer. And the person you fall in love with may not have anything to do with it. He may be just a screen. But then you are bound…