Feeling disillusioned means your pretend mask is cracking so your real self can breathe.
From the Discourses
Passages where Osho speaks to this question — each links to the complete discourse.
Why is it that whenever I leave your lecture I quickly become disillusioned with myself because I am unable to live up to the ideals you put forward in your lecture?
What are you talking about? Ideals? That's exactly what I go on destroying. I am not putting any ideals before you. I am not giving you any fantasies about the future. I am not giving you any future at all, because the future is a trick to postpone the present. It is a trick to avoid yourself, a way to escape from yourself. Desire is a deception, and ideals create desires. I am not giving you any 'should' or any 'should not' either positive or negative. I am simply telling you to drop all ideals and BE. But I can understand your question. You make an ideal out of it. You start thinking 'How should I be?' You start thinking 'What should I do to be?' I am trying to take away the ideals and you make an ideal out of it -- how to drop all ideals. You misunderstand…
Would you talk about the relationship between disillusionment and celebration. I'm feeling a strange mixture of the two -- a dying and a coming to life at the same time.
That's why I am so much against Satya Sai Baba. He is trying to help your projections. That is my criticism of his effort. He tries to go with your projections. He is not an independent man, he depends on you. You project and he will try to fulfil your projections -- at least he will pretend that you are in the close vicinity of a special man who can do miracles, who can make things appear from nowhere. Now Aniruddha can become a victim of a man like Satya Sai Baba because then he will think this is special; no ordinary man can do it. That's true, but ordinary magicians ARE doing it. But these tricks are very dangerous. They are very subtle in their exploitation. Aniruddha can easily become a victim of any charlatan, of any deceiver. Now will be the decisive moment for him. He will have…
During the lectures you seem to bring us up to your level. You sit and talk, surrounded by buddhas. But as soon as you leave, our egos are back again; we're the same old schmucks we were before. Is the experience of what happens when we're with you just an illusion? Or the only reality?
SATYA, IT DEPENDS HOW YOU INTERPRET IT. The criterion is this: if it gives you great contentment, if it takes your anxieties away from you, if it helps your mind to disappear -- even for a few moments -- then it is real. You will get back into your old mind again -- because when you are with me you are not alone, you start flying with me. When you are with me you are riding on a tidal wave. When the wave is gone, of course you have only that which YOU have: the old mind starts functioning again. And naturally, one hour you are with me and twenty-three hours you are with yourself. So those twenty-three hours may look like the reality, just because they are long. And this one hour may look like illusion. It is not so. Truth does not depend on durability, truth has nothing…
Osho, I understand that none of your disciples have yet achieved. How can I consider the idealism of preparing myself for losing my ego better than the idealism of which you spoke today?
You would like to suffer rather than not be. This is the problem. ou would like to be in hell rather than not be. At least one is. If these are the two alternatives for you: one that you disappear, and the other that you live eternally in hell, just think -- and you will choose hell. 'At least I will be there. But this utter disappearance? This complete non-being?...' That's what Buddha means when he says nirvana. He says consciously choose non-being; only then will you be able to drop the ego. That's what I mean when I go on praising the beauties of ecstasy... the blissfulness, the benediction of enlightenment. I am trying to create a situation in which nonbeing can be chosen. Not to be is the most beautiful moment. Buddha called it anatta,: non-being. He dropped the old word, atma, the self. He used the contrary…
Osho, when I listen to you it feels as if I’ve heard you before. When I look at you it feels as if I’ve seen you before. Yet this is my very first time here. It’s the first time I’ve heard you, the first time I’ve seen you. What is happening to me?
Eyes closed, keep advancing—such is the law of the love-mad; Do not bow your head, keep fighting—such is the law of the brave; There is motion in the breath, motion in the heart—here progress alone is the rule; Become motion, and in motion dissolve—such is the law of the motioned ones! I am a challenge—a call! I shake you. I question you. Eyes closed, keep advancing—such is the law of the love-mad; Do not bow your head, keep fighting—such is the law of the brave; There is motion in the breath, motion in the heart—here progress alone is the rule; Become motion, and in motion dissolve—such is the law of the motioned ones! You missed before—do not miss this time. Yes, fear comes. Satsang brings fear. Ah—to see and hear That which truly Is here; Love, in a single instant, effaces its own devotees! Love annihilates. Love burns. But the…