According to Osho, forgiving is hard because the ego feeds on misery and negativity; it survives by clinging to wounds, exaggerating hurts, and saying 'no.' Effortful forgiving only represses and can even inflate ego pride ('I forgave'). Real release comes from seeing the mind’s absurd game, accepting one's ordinariness, and shifting attention from thorns to roses; then the ego thins, bliss returns, and forgetting happens naturally.
We hold on to hurt because our ego enjoys the drama; once we see this silly habit and stop feeding it, letting go and forgetting happen by themselves.
From the Discourses
Passages where Osho speaks to this question — each links to the complete discourse.
Osho, why is it so difficult to forgive, to stop clinging to hurts long since past?
It is very essential to understand because you are all disciples here, and you all will be carrying some grudge or other against me, for the simple reason because I am trying to destroy your ego. That I have to do; that's the function of the Master, to destroy your ego. And you can become very revengeful, and you can carry deep wounds through it. Katyayani, you ask me: WHY IS IT SO DIFFICULT TO FORGIVE, TO STOP CLINGING TO HURTS LONG SINCE PAST? For the simple reason that they are all that you have got. And you go on playing with your old wounds so that they keep fresh in your memory. You never allow them to heal. A man was sitting in a compartment in a train. Across from him was sitting a Catholic priest who had a picnic basket beside him. The man had nothing else to…
But many people ask—one friend even asked today—how to be free of the ego?
You won’t get rid of the ego directly. Grow love. As love grows, the ego will begin to dissolve. For the very energy that becomes ego is the energy that becomes love. In both love and ego, the same force is at work. So if you are very egoistic, don’t be discouraged. A great capacity for love lies hidden within you. Do not be disheartened; you have a vast source. If this same energy is freed, it will turn into love. But don’t fight the ego head-on. Whatever you do directly against it will not erase it. Begin instead to expand toward love. Start letting love spread from anywhere. Wherever your inclination goes, let love flow in that direction. Keep just one thing in mind: don’t let it stop. Let it go on increasing. Let its boundaries widen as much as they can. In that widening, one day you will…
Osho, why can I not forget my past? Even though in my past there is nothing but suffering.
Perhaps for precisely that reason. Man keeps scratching at his sorrows to remember them—because there is a certain pleasure in suffering. You will be surprised. You will say, “Pleasure in suffering? What kind of pleasure?” There is a pleasure in suffering: suffering is the food of the ego. In a state of bliss the ego dissolves; in a state of suffering the ego becomes very dense. People have not chosen suffering for nothing; they have chosen it cleverly, knowingly. People are not miserable by accident; they are miserable because only in suffering does the ego survive. “I am somebody!”—this remains only in pain. The moment a wave of bliss comes, you are swept away; the ego cannot remain. So people talk about bliss, but they do not want to be blissful; they are afraid. If they become blissful, this sense of “I” will not survive. That is why all the…
[NOTE: This is an unedited tape transcript of an unpublished darshan diary, which has been scanned and cleaned up. It is for reference purposes only.] Misery is something like going downhill: it is so easy, no intelligence is needed, no work upon yourself is needed. You can simply go on rolling down, under the influence of the magnetic field of the earth, by gravitation. But if you want to go uphill then intelligence will be needed, work upon yourself will be needed -- and not a hectic kind of work but something constant. One never knows at what point the breakthrough happens; one has just to go on hammering. Sometimes it happens that you stop just before it was going to happen; just one more step and the goal would have been achieved. So one has to go on -- it is unpredictable.
Osho, you have earlier said, “Live moment to moment, live in the present.” Now you are saying, “Return to the past.” What should we do?
So it is with the mind—there are ruts. The past means endless grooves. However much you understand, your intellect agrees, you make decisions, you resolve—at the moment of resolve you feel something is going to change. But not even an hour passes before your decision breaks. Then only self-condemnation is produced, nothing else. Your saints, your fakirs, your priests and pundits—most of the time they only succeed in producing self-condemnation in you, nothing else. Their words are logically correct. You cannot even say they are wrong; you have to admit they are right. In that admission you take a decision. But against what are you deciding? Inside are grooves carved since who knows when, deep tracks. Walking in them has become a habit. It is easy to walk in them. They will pull you again and again. The meaning of returning into the past is: these grooves must be erased.…