According to Osho, your ‘totality’ is not personal at all: it is the One, the whole, in which the separate self disappears. Like a dewdrop merging into the ocean, the ego must die—‘a spiritual suicide’—for reality (Brahman) to be known. The separate ‘I’ is maya; only the whole is. In that surrender, duality ends and timeless bliss is revealed.
Your true wholeness isn’t a bigger ‘me’; it’s when the ‘me’ melts into everything, like a drop becoming the ocean.