What happens when the experience of enlightenment does not arrive despite deep emotional responses?

Osho, I listen to you every day. Your words sink in; tears fall from my eyes; my heart quakes like in an earthquake—and it feels as if this is the day of enlightenment, yet it does not arrive. Still, the same experience repeats itself in the next day’s discourse. I don’t know—what is the purpose of this play of light and shadow?

There is no play of light and shadow anywhere; it is only a delusion of your mind. We are never content, whatever we receive. The mind demands more. And the mind can always demand more. Can you think of any moment in your life beyond which you could not imagine something more? It comes every day, because enlightenment is exactly what I am sharing. It showers on you daily. Your eyes speak truly, for they shed tears. They recognize more; they are wiser than your intellect. And your heart gives the right news, because it begins to sway. But your skull is strong, solid. That head goes on thinking, yes, something is happening, but it isn’t yet complete; enlightenment has not yet happened. What is enlightenment? When will it happen—when you decide to believe it has? What will be different when you decide it has? Do you have any touchstone?…

Beloved Osho, I am listening to you daily; I am understanding you also. Tears flow out of my eyes, the heart palpitates like an earthquake, and it seems as if the day of self-realization has come. But it does not come. The next day again this experience gets repeated. I do not know what is the meaning of this play of the sun and the shadow.

There is no sun and no shadow. It is only an illusion of your mind. We are never happy with what we get because the mind goes on asking for more. Has there ever been a moment in your life when you did not want more than what you had? I am distributing self-realization, and you are getting it every day. It showers on you. Your eyes say the right thing because tears are coming out of them. They can recognize because they are more sensible than your mind. And your heart is also giving the right indication because it starts throbbing. But your head is very strong; it goes on thinking that yes, something is happening but it is not complete yet, self-realization has not happened yet. But what is self-realization? When will it happen? When you agree that yes, now it has happened, how will you know it?…

Beloved Osho, watching the mind, it seems to me there is an infinite ocean of thoughts. Meditation gives me more peace and grounding, but hearing you speak about enlightenment -- it seems to me far, far away. Can you give me some advice?

Dhyan Jashan, enlightenment is as far away as you are from yourself; hence the distance differs from individual to individual. You are certainly in a difficult position: first, you are a German, and nobody has ever heard of any German becoming enlightened. Only one of my German sannyasins used to become once in a while enlightened, and again he understood, "What am I doing? It is not for me," and he dropped the idea. That happened many times. Just now I have heard that he is washing dishes in a Zorba the Buddha restaurant. The person who told me about him had asked him, "What happened? You had become enlightened...." He said, "Forget all about it. Five times I became enlightened, and then I dropped the whole idea. I am feeling far happier washing dishes in the restaurant." What was happening was that whenever he would come here he would…

Beloved Osho, govind siddharth's enlightenment showed me that I am not connected with enlightenment at all. I cannot imagine how I would feel being enlightened. I realized how far away it is for me, and that I am not really seeking it. Concerning myself, I have mostly forgotten about the state called enlightenment. I see that I am only longing for it when I am in a state of pain, and feel lost, and don't know any more what to do. But in moments of happiness and fulfillment, enlightenment does not exist at all. Would you please comment on this?

Don't be bothered about the word `enlightenment.' What you call it does not matter; you can call it illumination, you can call it blissfulness, you can call it self-realization, you can call it actualization of all your potentials -- whatever you want to call it. But remember one quality: that it knows only a beginning, it knows no end. Anything that comes and goes, beware -- that is simply illusory, it is only a gap, because one gets tired. Niskriya also gets tired, and when one is tired one thinks, "Just be loving, be peaceful." So for an hour or two hours there is love, but it does not last long; just a small thing, anything, and the quarrel begins. And every other day you are ready to separate. Just look in one week how many times you decide to separate. You don't know, I have been keeping you together.…

Beloved master, I see you here every day, so radiant, so full of light, so far away from the everyday reality of my life. You are a shining beacon showing the way, and the possibility of something more that can happen in me. Years ago, here with you, I used to feel that enlightenment was just around the corner. Now it seems a million miles away. It doesn't seem to matter really any more: each day seeing you again is enough in itself. Master, is this whole idea of `enlightenment' just another device? I don't really know what to believe anymore. You, your presence, and the tears in my eyes are a

You were new, and for the new people I have to be seducing. Unless I say, "It is near the corner, by the corner," they are not going to be bothered about enlightenment. They have too many things to do in life... futile, but in their consciousness in this moment they seem to be very significant. But if I say, "It is just by the corner," even a man who has no great desire to be enlightened may think, "What is the harm? Just have a look... it is just by the corner." But once you have moved that much, things start changing. Just a slight movement in your consciousness, and then you cannot stop because new experiences start exploding. Enlightenment may not be by the corner, but there are things which are tremendously beautiful, peaceful, silent, very fulfilling. And by the time you reach to the corner, you will…