What happens when one seeks enlightenment but experiences tension and restlessness instead?

A friend has asked: Osho, since the age of eighteen I have been eager only to know how to become enlightened. Enlightenment has not come; instead a constant headache has arisen—a tension, a restlessness. And that restlessness has slowly become a twenty‑four‑hour headache. So what should I do now?

It was bound to happen. Because the very desire to attain enlightenment is the obstacle to attaining it. You will not get it that way—by wanting. Desire creates tension; tension becomes a headache. In this world you might, perhaps, obtain things by trying; but the things of the other realm descend only when you are in silence. The way to receive them is that even the one who is trying to get them disappears. Otherwise a headache is created. Now, what is to be done? Drop the idea of attaining enlightenment. Instead, take care to be blissful and quiet in this very moment. Do not ask about tomorrow and do not think about tomorrow. If this moment passes in joy, that is enough. Because the next moment is born out of this one. If this moment passes in joy, the next will, by itself, pass in even deeper joy. From…

Beloved master, you say that enlightenment can happen any moment. To me it feels like a very slow process of learning and becoming aware of the unconscious parts of my being. Do you have something to say about this?

Enlightenment is not something like an achievement; one cannot achieve it. One has to disappear for it to happen. It is a happening and it happens only in the absence of the ego. And whenever you are doing something the ego becomes more and more strengthened. The ego is a doer, and enlightenment happens in a state of nondoing. It is simply the realization of who you are; it is not a question of achievement. You are already it! Just an awakening, just a turning in! Seeing the point, Buddha relaxed; he dropped all his methods. That is the only use of methods: you get tired of them, you feel utterly bored with them. One day out of sheer boredom you drop all the methods. That evening he dropped his whole spiritual search. He had dropped all worldly search six years before, but it is the same search whether you…

Osho, I keep thinking of my life in terms of goal or destination, waiting to wake up some day and find myself enlightened, and I worry that others will reach before me. Today is a tension. Why is eternity so difficult to feel and remember? You keep reminding me but I keep forgetting and lose patience. Why am I such a food? And then I think 'so what?' and then I want to scream 'no more!' but go on.

But do you think a day will come when all your invest-ments and all your worries and all your acts are complete? Will there ever come a day when you are finished with the activities of your so-called life, and you can come and say, "Right now I am ready"? It will never come, because life is such a complexity. It never begins, it never ends. You are always in the middle. It is like reading a novel from the middle. The beginning part is missing and the end part is missing -- you know only the middle. That is the mystery of life! Try some time reading a novel from the middle and you will find that even an ordinary novel becomes very mysterious. Intrigued you will be, and many times you will be tempted to look back: "What is the beginning?" But resist the temptation, go on reading…

Beloved Osho, I feel really confused about this whole enlightenment business. On the one hand, you say, "be thoroughgoing in your search for enlightenment." but on the other hand, the very desire to become enlightened prevents it. How to solve this dilemma?

That night he slept without any desire. He had no idea what he was going to do tomorrow morning. For six years he was so much involved in searching for enlightenment, but now he had no energy even to think what he was going to do tomorrow morning. He slept one of the deepest sleeps of his life -- no desires, no dreams, no thought. And when in the morning he opened his eyes, the last star was disappearing. It was still a little dark, a little before the sun would be rising. As the last star was disappearing, he simply watched it disappearing -- utter silence all around. And suddenly he became aware of his own light. He heard for the first time the still small voice that there is no need to search anywhere: You are it. But without those six years of thoroughgoing search this moment would…

Osho, I have heard that enlightenment, or the natural state of man, is something acausal -- it just happens. And all our endeavours to bring about awareness, to be aware, are actually taking us away from this state since they are all mind games, and these activities for self-awareness are just a "holy business". I cannot imagine what my life would be if I gave up the search since it has permeated my life as long as I can remember. If there is no way to integrate, nothing one can do, why all this activity? Why bother? Yet what else is there to do? Please comment.

It happens only to those who are not holding anything back, when you have put all that you have at stake, when nothing is left behind, when you are utterly empty, you have emptied yourself totally, and it is not happening, then the understanding arises, "My efforts are futile. My efforts are ego efforts -- the ego is futile. My efforts are my own mind games. The mind itself is the barrier." But this has to become your own experience, Samadhi. It is not going to help if you have heard it. You can hear great truths, but unless they arise in your own being they are not true. A heard truth is a lie: only an experienced truth is a truth. And only the experienced truth liberates. How will you experience it? You would like to have it without any efforts. You would like it to happen as it…