What happens when my ego prevents me from fully experiencing love?

In the same way ego and love also cannot exist together. Ego is like darkness. It is the absence of love, it is not the presence of love. Within us love is absent so within us the voice of 'I' goes on resounding. And with this voice of 'I' we say that 'I' want to love, 'I' want to give love; 'I' want to receive love. Have you gone mad! There has never been any relation between 'I' and love. And this 'I' goes on speaking for love -- 'I' want to pray, 'I' want to attain god, 'I' want to be liberated." This is the same thing as darkness saying, "I want to hug the sun. I want to love the sun. I want to be a guest in the house of the sun." It is inconceivable. 'I' is the absence of love itself.

Osho, for the first time I have fallen in love, but my ego doesn’t allow me to dive fully into it. My heart is with Narada, but my intellect is with Mahavira. Inside I want to love, but outwardly something else gets displayed. As a result, there is a great tug-of-war. Is there any hope of getting out of this confusion?

On Narada’s path there is no danger of Nietzsche—not that there is no danger at all. Danger exists in every journey. Only those who sit at home face none. Fly by airplane—there is danger. Ride in a bullock cart—even that sometimes overturns. But when a bullock cart overturns, you don’t see people dying; at most a few bruises. Generally, if a bullock cart overturns, there is not much danger, because the speed is low and the distance from the ground is small. Narada’s path is very close to the earth. The path of love is close to the earth. And it is not far from your ordinary life. Even while living your ordinary life you can easily practice Narada. What is the danger? Only this: that love may turn into lust. When love becomes devotion, that is Narada’s path. And if love remains mere lust, that is the danger. Just…

Ego is the only barrier in love; hence "samarpan", surrender. If ego is the only barrier in love then surrendering the ego opens the door to all the mysteries of love. Learn only one thing because that is the most important thing to learn: surrender the ego, be just a nobody, and you will experience great love -- and the experience of love ultimately becomes the experience of god. [Love's eye beautifies -- that was the meaning of Prem Ruth, Osho explained to a teacher from Germany.] People think that they fall in love because somebody is beautiful or something is beautiful. The truth is just the opposites something appears beautiful because you have fallen in love with it, not vice versa. It is love that makes everything beautiful. The moment you are in love with somebody or something suddenly its beauty is revealed to you.

Osho, what is the first experience of samadhi like?

You will know only when it happens. It cannot be said; at most a few hints can be given. It is as if, in the dark, a lamp is suddenly lit. Or as if a dying patient, right at the edge of death, suddenly finds a medicine that works; life’s wave, life’s thrill spreads again—so it is. As if a corpse becomes alive—such is the first experience of samadhi. It is the taste of nectar. The experience of the ultimate music. But it will be only when it happens; and only then will you understand. You will not understand by my saying it. It is as with love. How can anyone explain it? To someone who has never loved, never known love, no matter how many explanations you offer—he will hear it all and still ask, “I haven’t understood; please explain a little more.” It is like explaining light to…

The people who are in the churches, in the temples, in the mosques, are all afraid -- cowards. They are simply there out of fear. They are afraid of hell, they are afraid they may lose heaven; they are afraid of a thousand and one things. They are constantly trembling inside. This is a very ill state of affairs. My sannyasins have to go beyond all this. They have to drop the mind, and with it all the beliefs and all the knowledge that others have given to you, because it is not true. Truth is always yours, your experience, authentically your experience. It cannot be given by somebody to you. I cannot give it to you. My truth -- I cannot give it to you -- will remain mine. I can only help you to find your truth. I can simply give you a few hints, a few guidelines.