What happens when I feel fear when someone comes close to me?

Why do I feel fear when somebody comes close to me?

You may not even have heard about the other two. Even the first is a rarity. Very few people attain to the real physical orgasm, they have forgotten about it. They think that ejaculation is orgasm. So many men believe that they have orgasm and because women don't ejaculate, not at least visibly, eighty per cent of women think that they don't have any orgasm. But ejaculation is not orgasm. It is a very local release, a sexual release -- it is not orgasm. A release is a negative phenomenon -- you simply lose energy -- and orgasm is a totally different thing. It is a dance of energy, not a release. It is an ecstatic state of energy. The energy becomes a flow. And it is all over the body; it is not sexual, it is physical. Each cell and each fibre of your body throbs with new joy.…

Beloved Osho, of my many fears, the one of which I am most aware is that of intimacy. I am like a hit and run driver in my relationships with people. Could you speak to me of my fear of intimacy?

Just an idea came into his mind at that moment that perhaps there is a train going to hell, also. So he rushed back to the station, and the train was standing at the platform, ready to leave for hell. He entered the train, and as the hell started coming closer, he was even more puzzled. The wind was fragrant with flowers. There was so much greenery, lush green. The station was so beautiful -- he had never thought that a station could be so beautiful. And people looked so happy, so joyous. He said, "My god, is there something wrong or what?" He enquired, "Is this really hell?" They said, "It used to be. Before Gautam Buddha, Socrates, Epicurus, Mahavira, Lao Tzu, people like these came here, it used to be hell. But now they have transformed the whole place." He entered hell and he could not believe --…

The meditation that you are doing is good. It is called 'anapan sati yoga' -- consciousness of the in-and out-going breath, awareness of the in/out-going breath. It is good, but don't get fixed, fixated with it too much. Do a few dancing meditations, singing meditations, music, so at the same time, side by side, your capacity to enjoy, your capacity to be joyful, also increases. So with one hand create emptiness, with another hand create fullness, so that when you are really empty, your fullness can descend into it. It is double work. And that's my whole emphasis here: be empty, but emptiness is not the goal. It is just preparing the house for the guest, and if the guest never comes, then all preparations are futile, in vain.

Beloved Osho,

I FEEL I WANT TO BE CLOSE TO YOU, BUT AT THE SAME TIME I WANT TO RUN AS FAR AWAY FROM YOU AS I CAN. I DON'T UNDERSTAND THIS FEAR, SINCE I AM NOT AWARE OF A FEELING LIKE THIS ABOUT ANYONE ELSE. It is natural, it is not something exceptional. Whenever you have a feeling to be closer to a man like me the fear will come, because to be close to me means to be dead, to be close to me means losing yourself. It is the same fear that grips a river when it comes to the ocean -- the banks will be lost, the river will be lost -- and every river tries to go back. But there is no way. If you feel a deep urge to come closer to me there is no way now to escape. You may try but you will…

Beloved Osho, since I have been here, one feeling gets stronger and stronger -- the only thing that I really want to do is sit on your lap.

USHA, JUST FAR OUT! But please don t start doing it. I have fifty thousand sannyasins: just think of me too, otherwise I will be killed in a stampede. But the idea is great, just as an idea -- don't practise it. The idea is symbolic: a great love is arising in you. It is good, it has to be so. Unless you are in deep love with me nothing is going to happen. Only through love, the transformation happens. And it is good that you have not projected it on me -- otherwise, that too happens... Just the other day, I read in the latest issue of YOUTH TIMES a statement of an Indian film actress, Pratima Bedi. She says,"Rajneesh is sexy." Now, I really enjoyed it! She came to see me once; she must have been there for four or five minutes in front of me. She says…