What happens when I feel fear after initiation?

Osho, ever since I took initiation from you, I have also begun to feel afraid of you. Earlier this fear was not in me, though I have been afraid all my life. I also know that the love and freedom I have found in your presence I never found even around my parents. And if, even in the shade of a master as utterly love-filled as you, I do not become free of fear, then where else will I? How is this freedom from fear possible?

Take this as a touchstone: if the reason for which you went to the master is the very reason he accepts and works upon, he too is standing in darkness. You have come to me because of fear—I know. But it is not my task to lessen your fear; it is to awaken abhaya. You did not come for abhaya. You came for nirbhayata, a little courage to fight—you would be satisfied with that. You are easily satisfied; your discontent is not very deep. A drowning man is content with a straw. You are looking for a straw; I know that no one is saved by a straw. Perhaps because of the straw you will drown—whoever takes a straw for a boat stops looking for a real boat. Whoever mistakes a false shore will find the true shore very far. Whatever reason you have come with is not my concern.…

Beloved Osho, since you initiated me into sannyas, I have begun to fear you a little. Before that this fear was not there, although I have been frightened throughout my entire life. I know too that the freedom and love I have found in being close to you were not available to me even around my parents. If in the shadow of your overflowing love I am not going to find freedom from fear, then where else? How is this freedom from fear possible?

No, I am not talking of that love. I am talking of a love which is not related to anybody in any way, which is unassociated. This does not mean that you will run away from your wife, or keep the children at a distance, if this love is born in you. If this love is born in you, just your ideas of the wife as wife will dissolve; the very idea that your son belongs to you will dissolve. The ideas will be replaced by an understanding that everyone belongs to the universe, that you are just instrumental; and your love will go on showering, day in, day out. Questions about who is worthy of your love and who is unworthy will all wither away. You will flow like a river, and whoever is thirsty will be able to fill his cup and take it away with him. Your…

Beloved Osho, these last days, I have come from discourse shaking and quivering from inside out. It comes after you have left. Although my body trembles, it doesn't feel like fear... Or not any fear that I have known before. The image that comes is of me hanging by my fingertips to a window frame high in the sky, with nothing beneath it. There is no house, just a window frame and you are leaning out and dancing and singing madly. It is so inviting, that I forget myself and start clapping and singing, too. After you have gone, my survival mechanism comes running and trembling, trying to take ov

Devageet, a very ancient Sufi story.... A man has lost his way in the dark night, in a thick forest. He cannot see any sign anywhere that he is close to some village, some town; but he cannot stay either. It is so dark, and the fear of wild animals.... Trembling, he gropes his way along and falls into a ditch. Afraid, because in the darkness he cannot see how deep the ditch is, he clings to the roots of a tree. The night becomes colder and colder, and he is shivering and trembling. His hands are becoming almost frozen with cold. And now the ultimate fear grips him, that there are not many more moments to his life. His hands are slipping from the root, he cannot keep them tight, he is almost paralyzed... and finally, it happens. The root is lost, and the man falls. But the whole…

Then there is a second fear -- that is of love. That is more than the first and bigger than the third. The third is of death. When the first phenomenon happens -- when you are born -- you are very unconscious, and in fact you cannot do anything about it -- you have to be born so it is not your choice. It is just like a calamity -- one has to accept it. Whether you accept it or not, it has to happen, there is no alternative to it. And in the same way death has to happen; there is no alternative to it. Once you are alive you are going to die, so you cannot do anything about it; you are helpless. But with love, you can do something, you can resist, so the fear becomes tremendous.

This will be your name, so forget the old, forget it completely, as if it never belonged to you. A discontinuity is needed with the past so that one can start from ABC; fresh, with a clean sheet. That is the meaning of the new name -- so that you can forget the old, and then with the old, the whole past disappears. This will be your name: Ma Deva Veerag: Deva means divine and Veerag means non-attachment, renunciation, non-possessiveness. Aniketa means homeless and anand means bliss -- and bliss is always homeless, it is a vagabond. Happiness has a home, unhappiness also has a home, but bliss has none. It is like a white cloud with no roots anywhere. The moment you get roots, bliss disappears and then you start clinging to the earth. Home means security, safety, comfort, convenience.