We chase approval because we were taught as kids to fear acting on our own and to wait for others to say yes.
From the Discourses
Passages where Osho speaks to this question — each links to the complete discourse.
Question: BELOVED OSHO, WHY IS IT THAT WE WANT APPROVAL? It is simple. from the very beginning a child is told what is right, what is wrong. He is never given freedom to choose on his own. He is taught principles; he is not allowed to enquire and to find out himself. And of course, whenever he does anything on his own, he is disapproved of by the family, by the society, by the school, by everybody. He becomes shaky. Just to do anything on your own is not accepted by the society. You need approval for everything. When I was a small child, as far back as I can remember, I could not understand it. I said, "It is my life, I am going to live it. You have lived your life. Why should you impose things upon me?
Beloved Osho, I am aware of my need for approval and acceptance from others. I don't want to be driven by this need. How does it resolve?
Drop all this nonsense! You are already approved of, otherwise you could not have been here. God has accepted you, given birth to you. If van Gogh paints, whatsoever painting he creates is already approved of -- otherwise he would not have created it in the first place. If Picasso paints something, in the very painting, the painting is approved of. The painter has put his heart into it. Just go deeper into your own being -- God has put all the treasures that you need there. He has approved of you, accepted you. He is happy that you are! But you don't look there. You are asking from others like a beggar: Approve of me! -- and they are also beggars just like you. Beggars asking beggars. Even if they approve of you a little, they will wait for you to approve of them. It is going to be…
Beloved Osho, why is it that I feel I need to have approval and be recognized, in my work especially? It puts me in a trap -- I cannot do without it. I know I am in this trap but I am caught in it and I cannot seem to get out of it. Can you help me be able to find the door?
While I was teaching in the university, the same thing came about from a different angle. Now I was asking the students questions to bring to their attention that all the knowledge that they have gathered is borrowed, and they know nothing. I told them that I don't care about their degrees, I care about their authentic experience -- and they don't have any. They are simply repeating books which are out of date; long ago they have been proved wrong. Now the authorities of the university were threatening me, "If you continue in this way, harassing students, you will be thrown out of the university." I said, "This is strange -- I was a student and I could not ask questions to the professors; now I am a professor and I cannot ask questions to the students! So what function is this university fulfilling? It should be a place…
Osho, when I look at you, the miracle of desireless action seems visible; but when I look at myself, it appears impossible. Why?
A man does a thousand things; one mistake happens—no one becomes a sinner because of that! Sometimes one falls ill; but illness does not become your nature. If you once had a fever, does fever become your nature? Should you, whenever you go to the temple, say to God, “I am a fever, and you are the Great Physician”? Stop this nonsense. Sometimes a man is filled with fever; sometimes he is also filled with anger—but these are accidents; they are not your nature. At most they are mistakes; there is nothing criminal in them. There will be weaknesses, but no sin. Make them secondary; do not give them too much attention. If you focus on them, you will nourish them. Give your attention to your nature, to your stainlessness, to your innocence. Slowly you will find yourself falling in love with yourself. You will fall in love with yourself;…
Why can't we let one another be? Why can't we just simply accept ourselves and others just the way we are? Why this persistent 'chasing-the-tail game' of trying to be different? -- that is, more open, more aware, more. You have said often that everything is fine, perfect, the way it is.... Isn't it about time we started playing a new game? I'm getting very exhausted by this old one. And life and love and fear and insecurity is so exquisite -- just the way it is. Could there possibly be more?
Once you have heard it -- that means, once it has hit home, once it has reached your heart -- then this question will not arise. Then you will not ask why. Then suddenly you will be able to see and the clarity will happen to you. You will see the whole game is this: you have been taught to improve, to go on. You have been taught to remain discontent. You have been taught that unless you are discontent you will never be progressive. If you are not discontent you will vegetate. Be discontent! Ask for more! And go on asking for more. If you don't ask, nobody's going to give you anything. ISN'T IT ABOUT TIME WE STARTED PLAYING A NEW GAME? But the new game will be the same if there is not a new mind. You can play the new game, that's what you are doing.…