What happens when one feels fear instead of love towards a spiritual teacher?

Osho, ever since I took initiation from you, I have also begun to feel afraid of you. Earlier this fear was not in me, though I have been afraid all my life. I also know that the love and freedom I have found in your presence I never found even around my parents. And if, even in the shade of a master as utterly love-filled as you, I do not become free of fear, then where else will I? How is this freedom from fear possible?

Take this as a touchstone: if the reason for which you went to the master is the very reason he accepts and works upon, he too is standing in darkness. You have come to me because of fear—I know. But it is not my task to lessen your fear; it is to awaken abhaya. You did not come for abhaya. You came for nirbhayata, a little courage to fight—you would be satisfied with that. You are easily satisfied; your discontent is not very deep. A drowning man is content with a straw. You are looking for a straw; I know that no one is saved by a straw. Perhaps because of the straw you will drown—whoever takes a straw for a boat stops looking for a real boat. Whoever mistakes a false shore will find the true shore very far. Whatever reason you have come with is not my concern.…

Then there is a second fear -- that is of love. That is more than the first and bigger than the third. The third is of death. When the first phenomenon happens -- when you are born -- you are very unconscious, and in fact you cannot do anything about it -- you have to be born so it is not your choice. It is just like a calamity -- one has to accept it. Whether you accept it or not, it has to happen, there is no alternative to it. And in the same way death has to happen; there is no alternative to it. Once you are alive you are going to die, so you cannot do anything about it; you are helpless. But with love, you can do something, you can resist, so the fear becomes tremendous.

Beloved Osho,

I FEEL I WANT TO BE CLOSE TO YOU, BUT AT THE SAME TIME I WANT TO RUN AS FAR AWAY FROM YOU AS I CAN. I DON'T UNDERSTAND THIS FEAR, SINCE I AM NOT AWARE OF A FEELING LIKE THIS ABOUT ANYONE ELSE. It is natural, it is not something exceptional. Whenever you have a feeling to be closer to a man like me the fear will come, because to be close to me means to be dead, to be close to me means losing yourself. It is the same fear that grips a river when it comes to the ocean -- the banks will be lost, the river will be lost -- and every river tries to go back. But there is no way. If you feel a deep urge to come closer to me there is no way now to escape. You may try but you will…

If you understand me rightly, never ask my advice for details, because that can become a problem for you. You follow me? Just remain alive and spontaneous and full of feeling. Wherever your sunflower says the sun is, allow the feeling that way. And never listen to any other consideration. This is courage... and this is authenticity. Authenticity is one of the greatest values in life. Nothing can be compared to it. In the old terminology, authenticity is also called truth. The new terminology calls it authenticity -- which is better than truth, because when we talk about truth, it seems as if truth is something, a thing-like phenomenon somewhere and you have to find it. Truth looks more like a noun. Authenticity is a verb. It is not something waiting for you. You have to be authentic, only then is it there. You cannot discover it.

Osho, why is it so dangerous to be with a living Sadguru? Why do so few people dare to stake everything and dive into your Buddha-field, even though, like Paltu, your call is echoing across the world—“There’ll never be such a wager again; you may not be human again. Why do you stand hesitating while the gold slips from your hand.” Osho, have compassion, grant awakening.

Paltu’s call never resounded across the world. Very few knew him. He was a simple rustic; his language was of the village. But he spoke to the point. This one aphorism of his is priceless. It should have resounded—but it didn’t. To make a thing resound in the world requires great skill and organization. And to make a religious statement resound is very hard. Religion is not a detective novel that everyone wants to read; not a film full of murder and rape that everyone wants to watch; not sensational news that every newspaper puts in headlines. Religion is delicate—no sensation, no violence, no arson. Religion is meditation. Who has taste for meditation? People care for money, not meditation; for office, not for the divine. They are ready to collect all kinds of junk, but words like moksha and nirvana create no echo in their hearts. The moment they hear…