According to Osho, when you feel a strong desire to disappear into the cosmos during deep relaxation, it is not suicidal; it is the pull of spiritual liberation—the ego thinning, desirelessness flowering, and bliss inviting total dissolution into existence. Fear labels it 'suicide' and pulls you back. Trust the vertical, inward depth; allow relaxation and awareness to melt the remaining ego thread into living, not dying.
Your small self is relaxing so deeply it wants to merge with everything—not to die, but to feel truly alive—so just watch calmly without fear.
From the Discourses
Passages where Osho speaks to this question — each links to the complete discourse.
Beloved Osho, often, when I am deeply relaxed, a strong feeling to die comes up in me. In these moments I feel myself as part of the whole cosmos, and I want to disappear into it. On one hand, it is such a beautiful feeling, and I am so grateful for it. On the other hand I mistrust it: maybe I have not said "yes" to myself, to my being, if the desire to die is so strong. Is it a suicidal desire?
It is not a suicidal desire. One basic thing about suicide is that it arises only in people who are clinging very much to life. And when they fail in their clinging, the mind moves to the opposite pole. The function of the mind is of either/or: either it wants the whole, or none of it. The lust for life cannot be fulfilled totally, because life as such is a temporal thing; it is bound to end at a point, just as it began one day at a point. You cannot have a line with only the beginning; somewhere or other there is bound to be an end. So the people who commit suicide are not against life; it only appears so. They want life in its totality, they want to grab it whole, and when they fail -- and they are bound to fail -- then out of frustration,…
A friend has asked: some people commit suicide. What do you have to say about them? Are these people not afraid of death?
Mind has become completely empty... mind has become empty... mind has become empty. Only a flame has remained burning... a flame of knowing... of seeing. For all the rest, as if death has happened... the body will be seen lying at a distance... your own body will be seen so far away... your own breathing will seem to be so far away. Inside... more inside... drown... let go completely... do not keep any grip... let go... let go... let go completely. Let go totally. If the body wants to drop, let it drop... let go completely... become a void... become a void completely. Mind has become a void... mind has become a void... only a flame of knowing has remained inside... everthing elso has become a void... eveything has disappeared. Let go... let go completely... show the courage to die... die completely from outside. The body has become lifeless... we…
A friend has asked: Osho, some people commit suicide—what do you say about them? Are they not afraid of death?
Now I suggest: experience along with me. The body is becoming relaxed… feel it: the body is becoming relaxed… the body is becoming relaxed… the body is becoming relaxed… the body is becoming relaxed. Keep letting go; feel: the body is becoming relaxed… the body is becoming relaxed… the body is becoming relaxed. The body is becoming relaxed… it is going toward death… going toward death. We are slipping inward… to where life is. Let go… let go… leave the wave; become the ocean. Leave the body completely… if it falls, let it fall; do not worry about it. Do not hold it back… do not cling… let go. The body is becoming relaxed… the body is becoming relaxed… the body is becoming relaxed… the body is becoming relaxed. The body is becoming completely relaxed… the body is becoming relaxed… the body is becoming relaxed. Let go… as if it…
These are the problems in meditation: when you go deep, a desire arises to go to the same depth again or even deeper. But now the desire is a new element. It was not there when you went for the first time. You were not aware at all of where you were going. You were simply going into the unknown with no desire... at the most an enquiry, exploring, not knowing where you are going and what is going to happen -- good or bad. But then the experience was so beautiful that it has created a desire in you. That desire is wrong because it can be very dangerous to health and it is not helpful to meditation. If you go into that death experience again you will not be able to go to the same depth because this desire will constantly be there.
Osho, I want to be rich, I want a high position, and I want a beautiful woman too. What should I do?
A man once placed an advertisement—meant for people like you: “Send two rupees and learn the formula to become a millionaire overnight.” Now who wouldn’t want to become a millionaire for two rupees! Almost a hundred thousand people sent their money. A week later, everyone who had sent the two rupees received the reply: “Do exactly what I did.” He had indeed become a millionaire overnight! One lakh people sent two rupees each—two lakhs landed in his lap. This is how you’re being duped—through gambling, matka. And it’s not only people who run these scams; governments do it too. Governments that claim to be Gandhian run lotteries! A lottery is gambling—a cheat dressed up nicely. But the greedy get hooked: “Just one rupee for a chance at lakhs. If it comes once, that’s enough…!” But what will you do after getting lakhs? There’s a famous story by Tolstoy: A tailor…