What happens when I fear intimacy and losing control?

Beloved Osho, I feel so imprisoned by the fear of being intimate and totally losing control with a man. This outrageous woman is locked up inside. When she comes out once in a while, men usually freak out, so she goes back into hibernation, plays safe, and is totally frustrated. Could you please talk about this fear of intimacy?

Shantam Lani, mankind, especially womankind, suffers from many sicknesses. Up to now all the so-called civilizations and cultures have been psychologically sick. They have never dared even to recognize their sickness; and the first step of treatment is to recognize that you are sick. The relationship between man and woman has been especially unnatural. A few facts have to be remembered. Firstly, man has the capacity for only one orgasm; woman has the capacity for multiple orgasms. This has created a tremendous problem. There would not have been any problem if marriage and monogamy had not been imposed on them; it seems it was not the intention of nature. The man becomes afraid of the woman for the simple reason that if he triggers one orgasm in her, then she is ready for at least half a dozen more orgasms -- and he is incapable of satisfying her. The way…

Beloved Osho, of my many fears, the one of which I am most aware is that of intimacy. I am like a hit and run driver in my relationships with people. Could you speak to me of my fear of intimacy?

Just an idea came into his mind at that moment that perhaps there is a train going to hell, also. So he rushed back to the station, and the train was standing at the platform, ready to leave for hell. He entered the train, and as the hell started coming closer, he was even more puzzled. The wind was fragrant with flowers. There was so much greenery, lush green. The station was so beautiful -- he had never thought that a station could be so beautiful. And people looked so happy, so joyous. He said, "My god, is there something wrong or what?" He enquired, "Is this really hell?" They said, "It used to be. Before Gautam Buddha, Socrates, Epicurus, Mahavira, Lao Tzu, people like these came here, it used to be hell. But now they have transformed the whole place." He entered hell and he could not believe --…

One becomes unconscious of one's self: one becomes conscious of the supreme Self. One becomes unconscious as an ego: one becomes conscious as a universal consciousness. One loses boundaries, one starts melting; definitions disappear. One is simply there, unlimited, unbounded, infinite: neither limited by time nor limited by space. Love gives you the first glimpses of eternity, of deathlessness, of timelessness. And once love has stirred the heart, one lives a totally different quality of life. One lives without anguish, one lives without fear. One lives dangerously and one lives creatively. Love releases a thousand and one qualities. It makes you authentic, it makes you sincere, it makes you creative. It makes you a celebrant. It brings unknown songs to you. It introduces you to new planes of being, to new plenitudes.

Don't be afraid, and expose yourself totally, because you can go into a group and still you can remain hiding, holding. Then it is pointless, it is unnecessary torture. You have to open up. This opportunity has to be used. And if you open up you will be surprised that there is nothing to fear. And when the fear disappears you will feel liberated from a great bondage. And when there is no fear, love arises. Absence of fear is love. If there is fear, love cannnot arise. Prem means love, anima means capacity to disappear. And only when one is capable of disappearing does love become possible. Love arises when you are absent; when you are no more, then love is. Love is god and love is liberation... Life is very paradoxical: when one is not, one is.

My mind thinks that it is anxious to receive your message, yet toward the end I find myself resisting and getting tired. I suspect that if I were open sexually I would allow myself to receive without any closing. Is there any connection between opening to a master and opening up in sex? My background gives a negative and passive meaning to surrender. I know I will not go deeper unless I am able to overcome this negativity that seems to be engraved in my psyche. Is surrender possible when the opposite is planted so deeply?

Only within these hundred years has psychology laid foundations for a world which will be tantric. But you nod your head with someone who is condemning sex because you also have the same experience. You know that nothing happens in it, and after sex you feel depressed. That is why there is so much condemnation. Everytime you move into it you feel depressed, later on you repent. Tantra, Wilhelm Reich, Freud and others who know, agree absolutely that if you achieve an orgasm in sex the glow will last for hours afterwards and you will feel absolutely different - without any worries, without any tensions. Euphoria will result, they say; ecstasy will be there. And that ecstasy happens only when there is really a let-go - when you are not holding yourself back, you are not fighting; you are just moving with the life energy. Life energy has two layers,…