Why can't I take sannyas despite my constant thinking?

Osho, how do I take sannyas? I keep thinking and then I stop. What is this hesitation?

One night a thief broke into Mulla Nasruddin’s house. While the thief gathered things, Mulla quickly spread his blanket on the floor. When the thief, ready to tie up the loot, looked for a sheet to wrap it in, he found a blanket laid out. He was a bit scared—when he had entered, there had been no blanket on the floor. He’d seen a man sleeping under it; now that man lay on the bed without the blanket, and the blanket was on the floor! But it wasn’t the time to ponder. He tied his bundle and set off. Mulla got up and followed. Hearing footsteps, the thief turned and saw the same man who had been on the bed—first under the blanket, then without it. The thief got nervous and said, “Why are you following me?” Mulla said, “Why not follow? I was the only one left back there!…

Beloved master, why can't I take sannyas? I go on thinking and thinking and thinking.

Richard, sannyas has nothing to do with thinking at all. It is the crazy man's way to enlightenment! By thinking you can never come to a decision as far as sannyas is concerned. Thinking, at the most, can only help you to postpone it, and you can go on postponing it ad infinitum. Thinking, in fact, is a process of postponement. Sannyas is not something that you can think about. You don't know it, you have not experienced it. Thinking moves within the world of the known; it has no approach towards the unknown, no bridge with the unknown. And sannyas is unknown for you. You may have seen sannyasins; that does not mean that you know what sannyas is. By seeing lovers you cannot know what love is. By seeing meditators you cannot know what meditation is. There are things which are known only existentially. Sannyas is not a…

Osho, you call sannyas, meditation, and love a leap. What do you mean by a leap?

Narendra! Whatever is essential in life—be it meditation, love, or sannyas—does not come the way mathematics does. It has no method, no staircase. There is no sequential movement in it. It is an explosion. Everything happens in a single instant. It is not a conclusion of thought; it is a condition of the heart, a state of feeling. Suddenly! When you light a lamp, darkness doesn’t go away gradually—first a little, then a little more. Here the lamp is lit, and there the darkness is gone—in one moment, at once. I call the lighting of the lamp and the vanishing of the darkness a leap. If it left little by little, in sequence, in measurable increments, then it would be a process. So too with sannyas: it is not a process. In a moment of awakening, the futility of life is seen. It is seen with such intensity that nothing…

Osho, I keep thinking I should take sannyas, but I can’t decide. Please explain it in such a way that this time I cannot leave without taking sannyas. Your pull is strong and I keep getting drawn here again and again. But then the intellect becomes active and I go back just the same.

You say, “Your attraction is strong and I keep being drawn here again and again.” Then let that attraction grow stronger. You keep being drawn here; slowly you will come closer and closer. Sitting near me, this wine will begin to work its color. This is a tavern of nectar; so many drunkards are sitting here. How long will you keep leaving without drinking? So much is being poured here, spilling over! People are getting intoxicated all around! How long will you sit shrunken like that? One day or another you will take the cup in your hand. You will hesitate, you will think, you will ponder—but you will drink. Sannyas is like wine. Once the habit takes hold, it takes hold. It is contagious. Sit among these ochre-robed ones, get up with them, keep coming and going. There is no hurry. Let it ripen. This should happen as it…

Once you say 'One should not feel angry at one's master' then what will you do with that anger? And it is there! Just by saying that one should not feel it, it is not going to disappear. You cannot do any magic -- it is still there. You can do only one thing by thinking that one should not be angry at one's master, that this is not right, this is ugly -- you can do only one thing: you can put it by the side where you don't look at it or you can throw it in the basement. So when the well is dug deeper, again you will have to come across it. Or if you hide it so permanently that you never come across it, then something of your being will remain undeveloped, discarded, disowned.