Self-Trust

Osho, it seems that everything about me is false—every word, every thought, every feeling; love, prayer, and even laughing and crying. I am a living, breathing lie. In such a case, what now, Osho? I can no longer trust myself. Perhaps even this writing is a lie. Asked by Krishnapriya.

Suddenly you will find only ruins remain. And from those very ruins the soul rises. On the ruins of ego your real nature is born. Truth is born on the ashes of untruth. Let it happen. There will be pain—great torment. For the mind does not want to accept that all of mine is false. “Surely something must be true!” But remember: nothing “somewhat true” exists. When truth is, it is whole; or it is not. We are living by the support of falsehood because we do not know truth. And without some support, living seems impossible. We know nothing of truth—what it is. And to live, one needs some support, some excuse—so we live with the false, taking it for the true. I was reading a poem— In love’s dense bowers, under the deep shade of sadness, come, sit for a moment or two and share this afflicted heart…

Question: BELOVED OSHO, WHAT IS THE FALSE IN ME? The sage said, "There is no problem, you can have it." The man rushed into his palace. He had a small hiding place where he used to ask the seashell for things. With the new seashell he entered there, locked the door from inside, and asked the seashell, "Give me one crore rupees." And the seashell said, "No, I will give you two crore." He said, "That's very good. Give me two crore." The seashell said, "No, I will give you four crore." The man said, "Okay, give me four crore." The seashell said, "Now I have changed my mind, I will give you eight crore." This went on -- nothing was given, just it was doubled. He became afraid; he said, "What is the matter? Whatever I say, you simply double it.

Osho, I feel I can lovingly understand you, and I can even make others understand. Then why does that very understanding fail to bring authenticity into life—whose absence keeps a constant disintegration going inside and out? Where is the mistake being made? Kindly shed your light.

But how does authenticity arise? If you tie it to “how,” you will be stuck—because authenticity is not something you can produce. Whatever you produce will be inauthentic. Keep this well in your heart: whatever you manufacture will be false. How can what you put on be authentic? The authentic has already been created by the divine. You ask, “How do I wear my original face?” The original face is not worn; it is. Only masks are worn. Anything you can put on will be false. Don’t say, “Fine, I won’t wear the false; I will wear the true.” Can the true be worn? The true is that which is on you without your putting it on—which even if you tried, you could not remove. That which you never miss, never lose, from which you are never separate—that is authentic. So what to do? Only see the false as false.…

Osho, in the Dwarka camp you said that meditation and samadhi are a voluntary, conscious entry into the state of death, through which the illusion of death dissolves. Then the question arises: to whom does the illusion of death occur? Does it occur to the body or to consciousness? Since the body is only an instrument, it cannot have delusive awareness; and there is no reason for consciousness to be deluded. Then what is the cause and basis of this event of delusion?

They sent word. She came very annoyed. “It’s his same old habit,” she said. “He’s grown old but hasn’t dropped it. Even at death he will create mischief.” She came with a stick, banged it on the ground and said, “Stop this devilry! If you must die, die properly!” The man laughed, came down, and said, “I was only playing a little—wanted to see what they would do. Now I will die properly, conventionally.” Then he lay down and died. His sister left, saying, “Fine, now finish the rites. There is a right way for everything; do things properly.” Our illusion about death is a social delusion. It can be broken. There are methods and arrangements to break it. And even if no one else breaks it for you, anyone who has done a little meditation will break it himself at the time of death. No outside help is needed.…