Jealousy

Question: First question: Osho, why is there jealousy in love? If there is jealousy in love, then love is not love at all; something else is operating in love’s name. Jealousy indicates the absence of love. It is like this: the lamp is lit and yet there is darkness. If the lamp is lit, there should be no darkness. The disappearance of darkness is the proof that the lamp is burning. The disappearance of jealousy is the proof of love. Jealousy is like darkness; love is like light. Take this as the touchstone. As long as jealousy remains, understand that love is not yet love. Some other game is going on in the name of love; the ego is on a new trip—the pleasure of possessing the other in love’s name, exploiting the other in love’s name, using another person as a means.

You speak a lot about the ugliness of jealousy. Yes, it is quite ugly, but any suggestions to us sufferers of the disease who aren't enlightened on how to diminish it?

First, diminishing it is not going to help. You can diminish it to such proportions that it will almost become invisible, but that is not going to help. Diminishing simply means that you are throwing it into the unconscious and it goes into your basement of being more and more deeply. It becomes invisible. You may not be able to see it, but it will go on working from the back, it will go on pulling your strings from the back. It will become more subtle. Please don't try to diminish it. The first thing to remember: rather than diminish it, magnify it so you can see the whole of it. That is the whole process of all the groups going on around here -- Gestalt, Encounter, Psychodrama. The whole process is that whatsoever the problem is, please don't diminish it but magnify it. Bring it totally as it is…

Why does jealousy always follow love as a shadow?

I said 'I have never seen any husband coming in at every station. Once the husband gets rid of the wife, he will come in at the last station hoping that she has dropped out somewhere in the middle. Each station bringing things... this and that... and rushing again and again from his compartment?' She said 'You are right, he's not my husband. He's my husband's friend.' That's right -- then there is no problem. You are not really in love with your woman, or with your man, or with your friend. If you are in love, then his or her happiness is your happiness. If you are in love, then you will not create any possessiveness. Love is capable of giving total freedom. ONLY love is capable of giving total freedom. And if freedom is not given, then it is something else, not love. It is a certain type…

Question: BELOVED OSHO, IS JEALOUSY YET ANOTHER FORM OF COWARDICE? Jealousy is very complicated. It has many ingredients in it. Cowardice also is one of them; egoistic attitudes is another; monopolistic desire -- not an experience of love but only of possessiveness; a tendency to be competitive; a deep-rooted fear of being inferior.... So many things are involved in jealousy. You love a person -- at least you think you love a person.... If you really love, then jealousy is impossible. If you find the person loving somebody else, you will be happy: you love the person, and he is happy with somebody else; and all that you want is to make him happy. You will not feel jealous; on the contrary you will feel grateful to the person who has made your lover happy. You will feel a great friendliness.