Jealousy

Is it possible to live without jealousy unless one is enlightened?

It is possible. If you are enlightened then the question of jealousy does not arise at all; then it is impossible to have jealousy. Before enlightenment it is possible to live without jealousy. You just have to look into the causes of jealousy. What makes you jealous? -- possessiveness. Jealousy itself is not the root. You love a woman, you love a man; you want to possess the man or the woman just out of fear that perhaps tomorrow he may move with somebody else. The fear of tomorrow destroys your today, and it is a vicious circle. If every day is destroyed because of the fear of tomorrow, sooner or later the man is going to look for some other woman because you are just a pain in the neck. And when he starts looking for another woman or starts moving with another woman, you think your jealousy has…

What is jealousy and why does it hurt so much?

You know your interiority, and only you know it, nobody else. And you know everybody's exterior, and their exterior people have made beautiful. Exteriors are showpieces and they are very deceptive. There is an ancient Sufi story: A man was very much burdened by his suffering. He used to pray every day to God, "Why me? Everybody seems to be so happy, why am only I in such suffering?" One day, out of great desperation, he prayed to God, "You can give me anybody else's suffering and I am ready to accept it. But take mine, I cannot bear it any more." That night he had a beautiful dream -- beautiful and very revealing. He had a dream that night that God appeared in the sky and he said to everybody, "Bring all your sufferings into the temple." Everybody was tired of his suffering -- in fact everybody has prayed…

Osho, yesterday you said that jealousy is included in respect. I have immense respect for you, but the jealousy inherent in it keeps poisoning it, and I feel guilt and pain. Does reverence transcend this poison-laced respect?

It needs a little explaining—it's a delicate point. Whenever you respect someone, you do so because you see in that person something you do not have. You respect because you glimpse in the other something you would also like to possess. A beggar respects an emperor because he, too, longs to be an emperor. So on the one hand he respects, and inside he also envies. Because he is not yet an emperor but wants to be. You have attained what he wants to attain. He respects you as skillful, successful: “I stand far back in the line; you have gone ahead to where I should have been.” So you are powerful, clever, intelligent, strong—he respects you. But inside a fire of jealousy also burns—if he gets the chance, he would like to be in your place and push you aside. And if the beggar gets that chance, he will…

Question: First question: Osho, why is there jealousy in love? If there is jealousy in love, then love is not love at all; something else is operating in love’s name. Jealousy indicates the absence of love. It is like this: the lamp is lit and yet there is darkness. If the lamp is lit, there should be no darkness. The disappearance of darkness is the proof that the lamp is burning. The disappearance of jealousy is the proof of love. Jealousy is like darkness; love is like light. Take this as the touchstone. As long as jealousy remains, understand that love is not yet love. Some other game is going on in the name of love; the ego is on a new trip—the pleasure of possessing the other in love’s name, exploiting the other in love’s name, using another person as a means.