Why am I still so scared of exposing myself?

Osho, why am I still so scared of exposing myself?

Now what have you to lose, Gita? You have nothing to lose and you have everything to gain. You are fortunate that in the last phase of your life you have come in contact with this energy-field. You are fortunate that in the evening of your life a door is opening, and the person who comes back home even in the evening should not be thought lost. That is a proverb in India: Even in the evening when the sun is setting, if somebody comes back home he is not thought to be lost. He has arrived, finally he has arrived. Life has gone down the drain; now don't miss this last phase. And the last is the most important phase, because it will bring death. And if you can die as truth you will not be born again. If you can die with all the falsities dropped, with all…

Beloved master, when you look at me in discourse -- whether or not you actually see me -- I feel your love pouring out of you and penetrating to my heart. At first it feels a little scary because I feel very exposed, and then I love the feeling inside my heart. Can you talk about exposing oneself?

There is a limit. You can forget, your own falseness can become your reality. So when love strikes you like lightning it exposes for a moment your reality. Then the fear, "Should I throw away all the falseness and be myself and risk, whether I am respected or disrespected, condemned, blamed? Whatever happens, without thinking of these consequences, should I expose myself?" When love strikes you, it fills you with fear and also underneath with joy, with a feeling of love, because a moment has come into your life when you can change from the false to the real. As for the beginning part of your question, it is a little difficult for me to say. You are asking, "When you look at me in discourse -- whether or not you actually see me -- I feel your love pouring out of you." When I am looking at you, I…

Beloved Osho, since I have been here, one feeling gets stronger and stronger -- the only thing that I really want to do is sit on your lap.

USHA, JUST FAR OUT! But please don t start doing it. I have fifty thousand sannyasins: just think of me too, otherwise I will be killed in a stampede. But the idea is great, just as an idea -- don't practise it. The idea is symbolic: a great love is arising in you. It is good, it has to be so. Unless you are in deep love with me nothing is going to happen. Only through love, the transformation happens. And it is good that you have not projected it on me -- otherwise, that too happens... Just the other day, I read in the latest issue of YOUTH TIMES a statement of an Indian film actress, Pratima Bedi. She says,"Rajneesh is sexy." Now, I really enjoyed it! She came to see me once; she must have been there for four or five minutes in front of me. She says…

Osho, I live in constant fear that people might think badly of me. Because of this I’m even holding back from taking your sannyas. What should I do?

When I was a boy, I loved to climb down into wells and bathe. A well isn’t meant for bathing, and if you bathe in someone’s well, the owner is bound to be upset—it is for drinking. But I enjoyed leaping in. The Kabir Panthis had an ashram just behind our house. They had a fine well and a splendid garden. I had a special fondness for that well. It was deep, outside the village, no one came by—only the mahant of the monastery, Sahibdas, lived there; one or two gardeners worked. A big garden—gardeners busy here and there. A couple of other servants. Not much crowd. The well was very deep, the water crystal clear. And there was another convenience: a chain ladder hung down into the well, for men to descend for cleaning. So it was easy to climb out. I would jump in whenever I saw a…

Question: BELOVED MASTER, WHY AM I SCARED TO ACCEPT MYSELF THE WAY I AM? Obviously the majority is going to choose respectability, but with respectability come all kinds of anxieties, anguishes, a meaninglessness, a desertlike life where nothing grows, where nothing is green, where no flower ever blossoms, where you will walk and walk and walk and you will never find even an oasis. I am reminded of Leo Tolstoy. Just a few days ago in Moscow there was an international exhibition of books, and one of my sannyasins, Lani, was there. She was surprised -- and my Russian sannyasins were there, and they were also surprised: world-famous publishing houses were exhibiting their books, but our stall was the most crowded. At any time there were not less than one hundred people the whole day the exhibition was open.