What is the significance of facing conflict in a love relationship?

That's no problem. It's good in a way. If you were both on the same path you would not be attracted to each other. Only polar people are attracted to each other. It is perfectly good. Be on the path of meditation and let her be on the path of love and then you can be very fulfilling to each other, because... [The ma says: Can you tell us how, because at the moment it seems that we only hit -- or miss; miss, in fact. There's just a lot of conflict.] That conflict has nothing to do with your being on the path of love or the nath of meditation. So don't try to throw it on that. That conflict has to do with your minds. That's a natural conflict that comes to every couple. Either the conflict wins or your love wins and the conflict disappears.

You said that western psychologists now say it is better not to avoid fighting in a love relationship, and that facing it when it comes makes the love more intense. Then you spoke of buddha's middle path which excludes both extremes. For those who have not yet transcended into the love that is beyond the two poles, which way is preferable for lovers in your opinion?

Mary felt insulted. This was rare... really, she had never invited anyone before. People would come from far away just to have a look at her. Even kings would come to her, and here was this beggar refusing her. Jesus was just a beggar, a vagabond -- just a hippie, and he refused her. So Mary said to Jesus, "Can't you feel my love? This is a love invitation. So come! Do not reject me. Don't you have any love in your heart?" Jesus said to her in reply, "I also love you -- and really, all those who come pretending that they love you, they do not love you." He said, "Only I can love you." And he was right. But that love has a different quality. That love does not have the polar opposite, the contrast. Thus the tension is missing, the excitement is missing. He is not…

The fight needs a very unconscious mind. If you are a little conscious, you cannot fight, because the whole thing seems to be absurd, destructive, helps nobody in any way. And by it you are not only destroying the other, you are destroying yourself, and you go on destroying all possibilities of a happy, harmonious relationship. It is very easy to get angry and fight, but it is very difficult to throw that poison from the system, because it creates poison. That poison lingers on. Each fight has a hangover, and the hangover will again create some situation in which you start fighting again. So fight generates fight; one conflict creates another conflict. They are very very reproductive. They don't believe in any birth control. Conciousness, awareness, has no children. It is enough unto itself. But unconsciousness creates many children. So just remember more and more... just catch yourself red-handed.

... It is good! Simply fight, and she will be very happy. When the man starts fighting a woman feels very happy that he wants to possess her totally. ... Just start fighting. And love needs a little fight -- it is a natural ingredient. Otherwise love becomes very cool, and it is very difficult to understand a cool love... very difficult. People understand only hot love. Cool love is very rare, and very difficult to understand. If fight disappears completely and you are always good and not fighting, she will start feeling that a coolness is coming in. If you don't fight with her, you will start fighting with yourself; that will depress you. It is always good if there is a choice to fight with yourself or the other, to always fight with the other, because at least it is a good division of labour, mm?

[A sannyasin asks about his relationship which is bringing up some hatred and aggression on both sides.] Mm, it's natural. When you allow love to come out, hate will also come out. That's why many people repress their love -- because they have been taught to repress their hate and they are both aspects of the same energy. They are not two; they are one. So when love comes up, hate will also, and if you repress hate, love will be repressed simultaneously. ... If you understand, you will not think in terms of wanting or not wanting. It is a fact. Your wanting or not wanting does not make any difference. One has to accept it, one has to accept whatsoever is. What can you do? If you repress hate -- and your dislike will repress it -- then immediately love will be repressed.