Am I a seeker simply out of a desire for oblivion?

Beloved master, when I meditate I am sometimes aware of a desire to faint or pass out. This desire used to be behind drinking alcohol or taking drugs, although they always failed. Am I a seeker simply out of a desire for oblivion?

Shunyo, in meditation you pass through spaces which are very like the spaces that you experienced with alcohol or under the influence of drugs. And they are so alike that to discriminate between them is almost impossible. Even a genius like Aldous Huxley understood that the space he reached through LSD is the same as what Patanjali, in his yoga sutras, calls samadhi; what Gautam Buddha calls nirvana; what is known in Japan as satori. And he wrote a very significant book, HEAVEN AND HELL, in which he described his experiences of taking LSD. He tried to prove that through LSD one can reach, scientifically, to the same great experience of samadhi which yoga tries to reach by old primitive methods -- which take years to practice. What was really happening? Those states have some similarity, but the experiences of alcohol, LSD, marijuana or hashish stop at a point where…

Question: BELOVED OSHO, WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO BE A SPIRITUAL SEEKER? Once this sleep has been broken, the dream has been broken and you become awakened to the reality that is here and now, just in the present. You are reborn. You come to ecstasy, to fulfillment, to all that has always been desired but never achieved. Spiritual seeking is to be here and now, and you can only be here and now when there is no desiring mind; otherwise the desiring mind will create wavering. Just like a pendulum, the mind goes either to the past, in the memory, or to the future, in desires, in dreams. But it is never here and now, it always misses the point of here and now. It just goes to the one extreme, the past, or to the other, the future.

Osho, you say that getting lost in bhajan is an intoxication. You also say that if we seek joy in swimming, in play, in meditation, joy is lost—and that when we dissolve in them, joy itself finds us. Please clarify immersion, and the boundary-lines between awareness and unawareness.

Doing bhajan in order to get lost is intoxication; getting lost while doing bhajan is not intoxication. Let me repeat. It is a little intricate, subtle—but you will understand. To do bhajan so that you can get lost—only to get lost—is intoxication. There is anxiety in life, sorrow, pain, tension, restlessness, anguish. One wants to escape it, to forget it, to keep oneself busy anywhere so it is forgotten. Someone goes to the cinema and forgets for two hours; someone sits in a bar and forgets for two hours; someone goes to the temple and begins kirtan and forgets there. These are different methods of forgetting, but all three have the same aim—to forget anxiety. But when you return home, anxiety is waiting. You are the same as before; those two hours have gone to waste; nothing of substance has happened. Those two hours will not dissolve anxiety. Seeking to…

Beloved Osho, you say that to get lost in singing the song of the divine is an intoxicant. You also say that joy is lost when you are seeking joy while swimming, playing, meditating, and joy seeks you when you are immersed in them. Please explain and clarify the boundary lines of immersion, consciousness and unconsciousness.

Singing the song of the divine in order to get lost is an intoxicant, but to get lost while singing is not an intoxicant. Let me repeat it -- it is a little complicated. It is subtle but it can be understood. For getting lost, singing the song of the divine is an intoxicant. If you only want to get lost.... Life is full of worry, anguish, pain, tension, disturbance, misery; to forget this, to save oneself from all this, one has to make oneself busy or get involved somewhere so that he can forget himself. So somebody sits in the movie house and forgets himself; somebody sits at the wine bar and forgets himself for two hours; somebody goes to the temple, starts singing the song of the divine and forgets himself. These are all different methods of forgetting oneself. But the aim of the three is the same…

Osho, in yesterday’s talk you said that a seeker should first be concerned with becoming a vessel, and should not go about begging from place to place. But the very meaning of a seeker is that he has obstacles in practice. He doesn’t know how to become a vessel, how to prepare. So if he does not go asking, what should he do? How difficult it is to meet the right guide!

But searching and begging are two different things. In fact, the one who does not want to search is the one who begs. Searching and begging are not the same; they are opposites. He who wants to avoid searching begs; a seeker never begs. And the processes of searching and begging are entirely different. In begging you have to keep your attention on the other—the one who will give. In searching you have to keep your attention on yourself—the one who is to receive. It is true that there are obstacles on the path of the seeker. But if we understand rightly, saying there are obstacles on the path of the seeker means the obstacles are within the seeker; the path too is within. And to understand one’s obstacles is not very difficult. So we will have to speak a little more extensively on what the obstacles are and how…