[A sannyasin who was leaving with her father, who had come from Germany to take her home, says: I surrender to anything that is happening.... ]
That's perfectly good. It is good to surrender to your father.... You can come again. Whenever he allows you, you can come. And if you surrender, he will be allowing you to come. Listen to him, because he cares for you, he loves you -- that's why he has taken so much trouble to come. And don't do it unwillingly, because sometimes we can even surrender unwillingly, but then we miss the whole opportunity. Surrender willingly, happily, joyfully, then every opportunity becomes golden. And this is how one learns in life.
There is something in rebellion and there is something in surrender too. There are times to say 'no'. Mm? it gives you a spine, it makes you bold. And eveiy child sometimes wants to say no to the parents -- that is part of growth. But if one goes on saying no continuously, and becomes fixed in the no, then it is dangerous, because then one lives in the negative -- and one cannot live in the negative. Lile is always in the positive. One can live oniy through the yes.
And if you learn too much of the no -- today you will say no to your father, to your mother, to your family, and if you become addicted with the no... because it is like an addiction -- it has an intoxication in it because it makes you very egoistic. When you say 'No!' you feel you are somebody -- you can say no to anybody. And when you say no to your parents, of course you feel very egoistic. You feel as if you have defeated thern. But then you have said no to love!
Some day you will fall in love with somebody and again the no will come, because it will become associated with love. Parents are not just parents -- they are many more things. They are your first love. If you say no to them, in a subtle way you are saying no to love. You may not be aware of that right now, but one day you will find that you fall in love with somebody and again the same problem arises.
This is my observation -- that every woman when she falls in love with a man, falls in love with her father again, because her idea of man deep down comes from her father. Or when a man falls in Iove with a woman, he falls again in love with his mother, because his idea of woman, his very image, is from his mother. He has learned about woman from the mother. That was the first woman in his life, and the first things are tremendously important -- the impact continues the whole life.
So if you say no -- and I know that sometimes no is needed, but there is a limit to it -- if you say an absolute no, and you break away from your parents, that will be dangerous. Then your love will be disturbed.
[She repleis: But when I say 'yes' to something, I have to say 'no' to the other thing.]
Yes, that I know. So just always remember: life is a deep rhythm between 'yes' and 'no'. One cannot live with only one. So one has to sav both the 'yes' and 'no' many times. It is just like breathing: you breathe in. then you breathe out: you breathe in. then vou breathe out. If you say, 'I will only breathe in', then you will die. If you say, 'I will only breathe out', then too you will die. And you say, 'Why should I do these contradictory things -- breathing in and breathing out?' They are not contradictory -- they are part of a great rhythm.
When you listen to music, there is beat and then there is rest; beat, rest; beat, rest. If there is only beat, there will be noise; there will be no music. If there is only rest, there will be silence; there will be no music. Beat and rest -- that makes the music. The whole of life is a continuous balance between no and yes.
And one has to be very alert about what one is saying. Sometimes say 'no' -- I'm not saying to always say 'yes'. If you always say 'yes', you will be dead. Then you don't have any stamina in you, you won't have spine. Many times say 'no', but don't get addicted to 'no'. Sometimes say 'yes' too. And make a balance. Then your parents will also uriderstand.
This was my situation with my parents. They knew well that if I say 'yes', I mean 'yes'; if I say 'no', I mean 'no'. Once my father said to me, 'Do you say "yes" and "no" in a very mathematical way? Because sometimes you suddenly say "yes", and we were not expecting it. And sometimes you say "no", and we were not expecting it. How do you manage when to say "no" and when to say "yes" ?'
I said, 'I keep balance. I never say "no" too much, because that breaks relationship. I never say "yes" too much, because that breaks me. I have to keep you alive, and I have to keep myself alive too, and it is like tightrope walking.'
When you are leaning too much to the right, lean to the left immediately, otherwise you will fall. And when you start feeling you are falling to the left, lean to the right, otherwise you will fall. Nobody can say when -- you will have to feel it. You will have to go by your own feeling.
So go -- nothing to be worried about. I am coming with you. And say "yes" happily, then next time when you want to come, they will happily send you. Keep this with you (passing her a box) and continue to meditate. Good... And help my work there.
[to the father] Next time come and be here for a few days, few weeks, and it will be good, mm?
[A sannyasin said that he had been a therapist for eight years, but had become very ill and stopped work. Later he did other manual work. Now he feels he could continue psychotherapy with guidance, but does not have any medical qualifications.]
There is no need, because in fact psychotherapy is still not a science, and there is nothing official about it. All official certificates are bogus, because it is still not a science. Freud simply created a big jewish business, that's all (laughter). But you can work. I can feel that you have that type of energy which a healer needs, and you can become a good therapist.
A little work on yourself will be of tremendous value, because when you are going to help others you have to be in a certain space. Unless you are in a certain space, have a certain depth, your help will remain superficial. And sometimes it happens that even through superficial help you can help many people, because many people are only superficially ill. They don't need much depth work.
And another thing about illness is that if you don't do anything about it, then too, it goes by a certain time. And that's why all schools of psychotherapy succeed -- the Jungian, the Freudian, the Adlerian... and now there are a thousand and one. They all succeed -- and the basic reason of their success is that if you prolong your analytical work for a long period, the patient cures himself.
It is almost like the common cold. They say that if you take medicine, it will go in seven days; if you don't take medicine, it will go in one week -- but it goes.
People suffer.... If you can just manage to give them hope, they are going to heal by themselves. You are just to sit by the couch. That's why so many schools are successful.
In Zen, they found it out centuries ago. When somebody goes mad in Japan, traditionally they will take him to the zen temple. If something is wrong mentally, they will take him to the priest. Each zen temple has a hut far away for such people. They are left there; nothing is done about them. Food is given, care is taken, nobody talks to them. They are simply left to themselvesj alone, and within three or four weeks they are cured. And it is thought that the god of the temple helped. Nobody is helping; nobody is doing anything. Just time was needed... and a hope.
That's why Mesmer helped so many people -- and there was nothing in it. Coue helped many people, and there is nothing -- just auto-suggestion. And even charlatans can help -- not that their help is in any way wrong. They help many people, otherwise they would not be in business. They remain in business.
So one thing: while you are here, do a few groups and you will become ready. A certain space will soon arise in you, a certain meditative state, and out of that state, energy starts flowing. You can help many people -- and a real help, in depth; not just post-poning, and waiting for time to heal them.
It is a hunch... it has nothing to do with knowledge. If you know something about it, good -- it helps a little bit -- but basically it remains a hunch. One should simply be available to the patient. One should be able to feel the patient. One should be able to be sensitive to the patient and have a compassion, and a meditative energy... a loving touch, an understanding about his problem, so that he can reveal his problems. These are all hunches. And one should not make a formula, because each patient is different. One should simply face the patient and let energy do the work. And it is good... it is of tremendous value.
When you help others, you help yourself too. And there is nothing like seeing a person growing healthy, coming back to his natural self. It is beautiful. It is as beautiful as when a gardener sees his trees flowering, and he dances. Humanity is the supreme-most flowering. So whenever you see somebody has flowered, it is a tremendous joy.
Just close your eyes, and let me feel your energy. Sit and raise both hands this way.
[Osho checks his energy.]
The energy is perfectly good; it just needs a little more flow to be more streaming -- it is there. So you will be doing all the groups, and between the groups, whenever you have time, you can do the African dance, or another dance group, or T'ai Chi. So for these four months, continuous work on the energy. You will explode.
Each human being carries such tremendous power, and we simply waste the whole power in problems. Each problem can become a power, because each problem is really power. If the energy moves in a non-problematic way, then all problems disappear and only energy is left. Problems are like knots -- the energy gets stuck. But there are not many knots either. Your energy is ready -- just a little push, and you will go far. Good!
[A sannyasin asks: I'd like to know what you have to say on epilepsy?
In reply to Osho's questions he says he used to have it very strongly, but it has not been there for three to four years, but his fear remains.]
Then there is no need to be worried. Three years is the limit, mm? Then you are out of it. If you were within three years, there would be a possibility -- but the fear is natural. These things are such that once you have known them, once you haYe tasted them, fear remains. But there is no need now. You can be completely unafraid. You are unnecessarily carrying a fear now because the time has passed. It will not be coming. You need not worry.
And it is not always bad. In fact all epileptic people can go into meditation very easily... better than others. Sometimes it has happened that deep meditators have been thought by medical people to be epileptic -- because both phenomena are very close: in both cases, the mind stops functioning. So they have some similarities; they overlap. There are many cures....
Ramakrishna Paramhansa -- you must have heard the name? Psychologists said he was epileptic. He was not, but his meditation would take such a tum that for hours he would be almost uncon-scious. He was not unconscious -- he was perfectly conscious -- but for those who were standing outside, he was absolutely unconscious. He was very conscious inside -- but inside. The outside completely disappeared as if the bridge of the mind were broken.
Once he remained for six days continuously in that state. And doctors would say that this is an epileptic fit, and very dangerous. But it was not! Nobody had seen such a beautiful person.... In thousands of years, once in a while, such a beautiful person is bom. But the scientific mind has its own attitudes.
Exactly the same thing happens in epilepsy. You are suddenly no more in contact with your mind, so you fall unconscious. The same can happen through meditation, but then you are knowingly going into it -- and that makes a lot of difference. It comes by and by, and even when you are out of the mind, you know that you are in control -- but that's the difference only. In epilepsy you are not in control at all.
It happened that one very famous english novelist, Somerset Maugham, came to India and went to see Ramana Maharshi, a great sage. Maugham was a man of rational outlook -- he had gone there just out of curiosity; he had no religious search as such, no spiritual quest. He was staying in the ashram taking his breakfast, and suddenly Ramana himself came. He was going to see Ramana in the place where he used to sit for many years, but Ramana, hearing that Somerset Maugham had come -- somebody told him -- said, 'Okay, I am going to see him!'
He came so suddenly that Somerset Maugham could not believe that Ramana Maharshi himself had come. The shock was so sudden, and the impact was so great that he fell in a swoon... he became unconscious!
Now in the whole ashram Ramana's coming was thought to be a great blessing -- it was rare that he should come to see a guest... and then this happening that Somerset fell in a swoon and became unconscious. So the whole ashram gathered and people started singing and were very joyous; they started dancing.
They thought -- and it was right -- that under Ramana's impact, Maugham had moved into samadhi, into deep meditation. And that's exactly what had happened. But when Somerset Maugham came back he could not believe what was going on. He said, 'This is nothing -- no meditation, nothing. It is just because I was tired and because it is too hot -- that's why I fell into unconsciousness.'
He found this rationalisation: too hot, tired from the journey. And when he wrote an article about his visit, he wrote this: 'People are foolish there! Just out of tiredness and too much heat I had fallen unconscious, and they thought that I had entered some samadhi because of Ramana's blessings or his presence. This is absurd! And I deny it!'
I know that when he is denying, he is honest -- he is not dishonest. That is his explanation -- because he simply became unconscious so he did not know what happened. And when he came back this is the rationalisation that he made. That looks scientific: tired, long journey, climbing up the mountain, then too much heat, hot sun -- maybe a heat stroke or something. Any explanation would do, but this explanation that Ramana's impact.... The sun's impact is okay, the journey's impact is okay, but the presence of this sage? That is not acceptable: the rational mind cannot accept that.
And Somerset Maugham missed a great opportunity by refusing it. He could have entered into a deeper space. He became so much afraid of it; consciously he denied it, but then he became afraid. Then he escaped from the ashram -- he wouldn't stay there for long.
When he went to see Ramana to take his leave, he wouldn't enter the room. And again he found a rationalisation -- that he would have to remove his shoes, so he would take leave from the outside. You see the point? (chuckling) So from the window, standing outside the room, he took his leave. I know what fear.... And he may still not be aware that the fear is still there -- that he may fall into that unconsciousness, and then it will be too difficult, because now he is neither tired, nor it is hot, and the sun has set. Now the old explanation won't do. But the mind can play tricks. He said, 'Just to remove the shoes -- it is better that I take leave from the outside, and go.'
Don't be worried about it. And whatsoever it was, it has made a passage in you and meditation will use that passage. But drop the fear, mm? Good!
[The Tao group is present at darshan. A group member says: I feel really good. But I just feel my ego growing. I am proud of myself, and the ego says to me, 'Make a lot of effort and fight, and you will attain by yourself. Don't expect anything from other people.' And I have this problem with you. The ego says to me, 'He doesn't know you. How can he help you ?' So the ego is growing.]
Mm mm. Let it grow. Go on pumping (laughter), then it will burst. It is like a balloon: the bigger it is, the easier it is to burst. So go on, just go on puffing it. And tell it that it is perfectly right. Let it become bigger, bigger, and one day you will suddenly see that it has burst. Mm? that is the only way to get rid of it. Let it be big!
A small ego is very difficult to get rid of, because it is so small it can hide anywhere. A small ego can pretend to be humble, and then it is very difficult to detect it. A big ego cannot pretend and it cannot hide anywhere -- it is so big. So, very good! Don't be worried about it. Go on helping it and enjoy it. Let there be a little flirtation -- nothing wrong in it. One day it is going to burst. And it will burst only when it is too big -- not before it. It is very easy then on its own accord it falls and disappears. Then humbleness arises -- and that has a totally different flavour. It is not a humbleness that you have practised. It has simply arisen because there is no ego any more.
So nothing to be worried about. Just go on doing groups and making effort and meditating, and tell your ego that there is no need for any help from anybody's side and that you will do it on your own, and go on, mm? Any day, when it has come to a bursting point you will see it bursting -- and that will be a great experience. Don't try to get rid of it right now -- you cannot. Let it be ripe.
This is one of the very basic problems to be faced. In the East people are not so egoistic. Surrender seems to be very easy -- but meaningless because people don't have anything to surrender. In the West people are more egoistic. Surrender seems to be very difficult, but then surrender is meaningful becawe it is very difficult; they have something to surrender.
And in a right education, in a right culture, this will be the balance: first we will teach every child to be as egoistic as possible and then we will teach him how to allow this ego to burst on its own accord so he can become humble. Then humbleness is a happening. And when the ego is ripe, and falls from the tree on its own, there is beauty, grace, benediction.
So nothing wrong in it. You can go on fighting with me. Let that game be there -- no need to be worried. But you are trapped! This ego is going to be destroyed, mm? Good! Very good!
Osho's Commentary
That's perfectly good. It is good to surrender to your father.... You can come again. Whenever he allows you, you can come. And if you surrender, he will be allowing you to come. Listen to him, because he cares for you, he loves you -- that's why he has taken so much trouble to come. And don't do it unwillingly, because sometimes we can even surrender unwillingly, but then we miss the whole opportunity. Surrender willingly, happily, joyfully, then every opportunity becomes golden. And this is how one learns in life.
There is something in rebellion and there is something in surrender too. There are times to say 'no'. Mm? it gives you a spine, it makes you bold. And eveiy child sometimes wants to say no to the parents -- that is part of growth. But if one goes on saying no continuously, and becomes fixed in the no, then it is dangerous, because then one lives in the negative -- and one cannot live in the negative.
Lile is always in the positive. One can live oniy through the yes.
And if you learn too much of the no -- today you will say no to your father, to your mother, to your family, and if you become addicted with the no... because it is like an addiction -- it has an intoxication in it because it makes you very egoistic. When you say 'No!' you feel you are somebody -- you can say no to anybody. And when you say no to your parents, of course you feel very egoistic. You feel as if you have defeated thern. But then you have said no to love!
Some day you will fall in love with somebody and again the no will come, because it will become associated with love. Parents are not just parents -- they are many more things. They are your first love. If you say no to them, in a subtle way you are saying no to love. You may not be aware of that right now, but one day you will find that you fall in love with somebody and again the same problem arises.
This is my observation -- that every woman when she falls in love with a man, falls in love with her father again, because her idea of man deep down comes from her father. Or when a man falls in Iove with a woman, he falls again in love with his mother, because his idea of woman, his very image, is from his mother. He has learned about woman from the mother. That was the first woman in his life, and the first things are tremendously important -- the impact continues the whole life.
So if you say no -- and I know that sometimes no is needed, but there is a limit to it -- if you say an absolute no, and you break away from your parents, that will be dangerous. Then your love will be disturbed.
[She repleis: But when I say 'yes' to something, I have to say 'no' to the other thing.]
Yes, that I know. So just always remember: life is a deep rhythm between 'yes' and 'no'. One cannot live with only one. So one has to sav both the 'yes' and 'no' many times. It is just like breathing: you breathe in. then you breathe out: you breathe in. then vou breathe out. If you say, 'I will only breathe in', then you will die. If you say, 'I will only breathe out', then too you will die. And you say, 'Why should I do these contradictory things -- breathing in and breathing out?' They are not contradictory -- they are part of a great rhythm.
When you listen to music, there is beat and then there is rest; beat, rest; beat, rest. If there is only beat, there will be noise; there will be no music. If there is only rest, there will be silence; there will be no music. Beat and rest -- that makes the music. The whole of life is a continuous balance between no and yes.
And one has to be very alert about what one is saying. Sometimes say 'no' -- I'm not saying to always say 'yes'. If you always say 'yes', you will be dead. Then you don't have any stamina in you, you won't have spine. Many times say 'no', but don't get addicted to 'no'. Sometimes say 'yes' too. And make a balance. Then your parents will also uriderstand.
This was my situation with my parents. They knew well that if I say 'yes', I mean 'yes'; if I say 'no', I mean 'no'. Once my father said to me, 'Do you say "yes" and "no" in a very mathematical way? Because sometimes you suddenly say "yes", and we were not expecting it. And sometimes you say "no", and we were not expecting it. How do you manage when to say "no" and when to say "yes" ?'
I said, 'I keep balance. I never say "no" too much, because that breaks relationship. I never say "yes" too much, because that breaks me. I have to keep you alive, and I have to keep myself alive too, and it is like tightrope walking.'
When you are leaning too much to the right, lean to the left immediately, otherwise you will fall. And when you start feeling you are falling to the left, lean to the right, otherwise you will fall. Nobody can say when -- you will have to feel it. You will have to go by your own feeling.
So go -- nothing to be worried about. I am coming with you. And say "yes" happily, then next time when you want to come, they will happily send you. Keep this with you (passing her a box) and continue to meditate. Good... And help my work there.
[to the father] Next time come and be here for a few days, few weeks, and it will be good, mm?
[A sannyasin said that he had been a therapist for eight years, but had become very ill and stopped work. Later he did other manual work. Now he feels he could continue psychotherapy with guidance, but does not have any medical qualifications.]
There is no need, because in fact psychotherapy is still not a science, and there is nothing official about it. All official certificates are bogus, because it is still not a science. Freud simply created a big jewish business, that's all (laughter). But you can work. I can feel that you have that type of energy which a healer needs, and you can become a good therapist.
A little work on yourself will be of tremendous value, because when you are going to help others you have to be in a certain space. Unless you are in a certain space, have a certain depth, your help will remain superficial. And sometimes it happens that even through superficial help you can help many people, because many people are only superficially ill. They don't need much depth work.
And another thing about illness is that if you don't do anything about it, then too, it goes by a certain time. And that's why all schools of psychotherapy succeed -- the Jungian, the Freudian, the Adlerian... and now there are a thousand and one. They all succeed -- and the basic reason of their success is that if you prolong your analytical work for a long period, the patient cures himself.
It is almost like the common cold. They say that if you take medicine, it will go in seven days; if you don't take medicine, it will go in one week -- but it goes.
People suffer.... If you can just manage to give them hope, they are going to heal by themselves. You are just to sit by the couch. That's why so many schools are successful.
In Zen, they found it out centuries ago. When somebody goes mad in Japan, traditionally they will take him to the zen temple. If something is wrong mentally, they will take him to the priest. Each zen temple has a hut far away for such people. They are left there; nothing is done about them. Food is given, care is taken, nobody talks to them. They are simply left to themselvesj alone, and within three or four weeks they are cured. And it is thought that the god of the temple helped. Nobody is helping; nobody is doing anything. Just time was needed... and a hope.
That's why Mesmer helped so many people -- and there was nothing in it. Coue helped many people, and there is nothing -- just auto-suggestion. And even charlatans can help -- not that their help is in any way wrong. They help many people, otherwise they would not be in business. They remain in business.
So one thing: while you are here, do a few groups and you will become ready. A certain space will soon arise in you, a certain meditative state, and out of that state, energy starts flowing. You can help many people -- and a real help, in depth; not just post-poning, and waiting for time to heal them.
It is a hunch... it has nothing to do with knowledge. If you know something about it, good -- it helps a little bit -- but basically it remains a hunch. One should simply be available to the patient. One should be able to feel the patient. One should be able to be sensitive to the patient and have a compassion, and a meditative energy... a loving touch, an understanding about his problem, so that he can reveal his problems. These are all hunches. And one should not make a formula, because each patient is different. One should simply face the patient and let energy do the work. And it is good... it is of tremendous value.
When you help others, you help yourself too. And there is nothing like seeing a person growing healthy, coming back to his natural self. It is beautiful. It is as beautiful as when a gardener sees his trees flowering, and he dances. Humanity is the supreme-most flowering. So whenever you see somebody has flowered, it is a tremendous joy.
Just close your eyes, and let me feel your energy. Sit and raise both hands this way.
[Osho checks his energy.]
The energy is perfectly good; it just needs a little more flow to be more streaming -- it is there. So you will be doing all the groups, and between the groups, whenever you have time, you can do the African dance, or another dance group, or T'ai Chi. So for these four months, continuous work on the energy. You will explode.
Each human being carries such tremendous power, and we simply waste the whole power in problems. Each problem can become a power, because each problem is really power. If the energy moves in a non-problematic way, then all problems disappear and only energy is left. Problems are like knots -- the energy gets stuck. But there are not many knots either. Your energy is ready -- just a little push, and you will go far. Good!
[A sannyasin asks: I'd like to know what you have to say on epilepsy?
In reply to Osho's questions he says he used to have it very strongly, but it has not been there for three to four years, but his fear remains.]
Then there is no need to be worried. Three years is the limit, mm? Then you are out of it. If you were within three years, there would be a possibility -- but the fear is natural. These things are such that once you have known them, once you haYe tasted them, fear remains. But there is no need now. You can be completely unafraid. You are unnecessarily carrying a fear now because the time has passed. It will not be coming. You need not worry.
And it is not always bad. In fact all epileptic people can go into meditation very easily... better than others. Sometimes it has happened that deep meditators have been thought by medical people to be epileptic -- because both phenomena are very close: in both cases, the mind stops functioning. So they have some similarities; they overlap. There are many cures....
Ramakrishna Paramhansa -- you must have heard the name? Psychologists said he was epileptic. He was not, but his meditation would take such a tum that for hours he would be almost uncon-scious. He was not unconscious -- he was perfectly conscious -- but for those who were standing outside, he was absolutely unconscious. He was very conscious inside -- but inside. The outside completely disappeared as if the bridge of the mind were broken.
Once he remained for six days continuously in that state. And doctors would say that this is an epileptic fit, and very dangerous. But it was not! Nobody had seen such a beautiful person.... In thousands of years, once in a while, such a beautiful person is bom. But the scientific mind has its own attitudes.
Exactly the same thing happens in epilepsy. You are suddenly no more in contact with your mind, so you fall unconscious. The same can happen through meditation, but then you are knowingly going into it -- and that makes a lot of difference. It comes by and by, and even when you are out of the mind, you know that you are in control -- but that's the difference only. In epilepsy you are not in control at all.
It happened that one very famous english novelist, Somerset Maugham, came to India and went to see Ramana Maharshi, a great sage. Maugham was a man of rational outlook -- he had gone there just out of curiosity; he had no religious search as such, no spiritual quest. He was staying in the ashram taking his breakfast, and suddenly Ramana himself came. He was going to see Ramana in the place where he used to sit for many years, but Ramana, hearing that Somerset Maugham had come -- somebody told him -- said, 'Okay, I am going to see him!'
He came so suddenly that Somerset Maugham could not believe that Ramana Maharshi himself had come. The shock was so sudden, and the impact was so great that he fell in a swoon... he became unconscious!
Now in the whole ashram Ramana's coming was thought to be a great blessing -- it was rare that he should come to see a guest... and then this happening that Somerset fell in a swoon and became unconscious. So the whole ashram gathered and people started singing and were very joyous; they started dancing.
They thought -- and it was right -- that under Ramana's impact, Maugham had moved into samadhi, into deep meditation. And that's exactly what had happened. But when Somerset Maugham came back he could not believe what was going on. He said, 'This is nothing -- no meditation, nothing. It is just because I was tired and because it is too hot -- that's why I fell into unconsciousness.'
He found this rationalisation: too hot, tired from the journey. And when he wrote an article about his visit, he wrote this: 'People are foolish there! Just out of tiredness and too much heat I had fallen unconscious, and they thought that I had entered some samadhi because of Ramana's blessings or his presence. This is absurd! And I deny it!'
I know that when he is denying, he is honest -- he is not dishonest. That is his explanation -- because he simply became unconscious so he did not know what happened. And when he came back this is the rationalisation that he made. That looks scientific: tired, long journey, climbing up the mountain, then too much heat, hot sun -- maybe a heat stroke or something. Any explanation would do, but this explanation that Ramana's impact.... The sun's impact is okay, the journey's impact is okay, but the presence of this sage? That is not acceptable: the rational mind cannot accept that.
And Somerset Maugham missed a great opportunity by refusing it. He could have entered into a deeper space. He became so much afraid of it; consciously he denied it, but then he became afraid. Then he escaped from the ashram -- he wouldn't stay there for long.
When he went to see Ramana to take his leave, he wouldn't enter the room. And again he found a rationalisation -- that he would have to remove his shoes, so he would take leave from the outside. You see the point? (chuckling) So from the window, standing outside the room, he took his leave. I know what fear.... And he may still not be aware that the fear is still there -- that he may fall into that unconsciousness, and then it will be too difficult, because now he is neither tired, nor it is hot, and the sun has set. Now the old explanation won't do. But the mind can play tricks. He said, 'Just to remove the shoes -- it is better that I take leave from the outside, and go.'
Don't be worried about it. And whatsoever it was, it has made a passage in you and meditation will use that passage. But drop the fear, mm? Good!
[The Tao group is present at darshan. A group member says: I feel really good. But I just feel my ego growing. I am proud of myself, and the ego says to me, 'Make a lot of effort and fight, and you will attain by yourself. Don't expect anything from other people.' And I have this problem with you. The ego says to me, 'He doesn't know you. How can he help you ?' So the ego is growing.]
Mm mm. Let it grow. Go on pumping (laughter), then it will burst. It is like a balloon: the bigger it is, the easier it is to burst. So go on, just go on puffing it. And tell it that it is perfectly right. Let it become bigger, bigger, and one day you will suddenly see that it has burst. Mm? that is the only way to get rid of it. Let it be big!
A small ego is very difficult to get rid of, because it is so small it can hide anywhere. A small ego can pretend to be humble, and then it is very difficult to detect it. A big ego cannot pretend and it cannot hide anywhere -- it is so big. So, very good! Don't be worried about it. Go on helping it and enjoy it. Let there be a little flirtation -- nothing wrong in it. One day it is going to burst. And it will burst only when it is too big -- not before it. It is very easy then on its own accord it falls and disappears. Then humbleness arises -- and that has a totally different flavour. It is not a humbleness that you have practised. It has simply arisen because there is no ego any more.
So nothing to be worried about. Just go on doing groups and making effort and meditating, and tell your ego that there is no need for any help from anybody's side and that you will do it on your own, and go on, mm? Any day, when it has come to a bursting point you will see it bursting -- and that will be a great experience. Don't try to get rid of it right now -- you cannot. Let it be ripe.
This is one of the very basic problems to be faced. In the East people are not so egoistic. Surrender seems to be very easy -- but meaningless because people don't have anything to surrender. In the West people are more egoistic. Surrender seems to be very difficult, but then surrender is meaningful becawe it is very difficult; they have something to surrender.
And in a right education, in a right culture, this will be the balance: first we will teach every child to be as egoistic as possible and then we will teach him how to allow this ego to burst on its own accord so he can become humble. Then humbleness is a happening. And when the ego is ripe, and falls from the tree on its own, there is beauty, grace, benediction.
So nothing wrong in it. You can go on fighting with me. Let that game be there -- no need to be worried. But you are trapped! This ego is going to be destroyed, mm? Good! Very good!