Every Choice is a Limitation The Shadow Of The Whip #11

[A sannyasin asks: Is there anything you could say about what sort of path I should follow? I feel unsure of what direction I should be going in.]

Whenever you're unsure, it is better not to choose but rather float and let life decide itself, because whatsoever you choose will be against your natural unsureness. It will be trying to make sure something which is not. Never jump ahead. Go with life. If at this moment your consciousness is unsure, then that's what has to be -- remain unsure. Nothing is wrong in being unsure. It is a freedom.

When you are unsure.... To use the word unsure makes it look a little problematic; rather, use the word freedom. When you are unsure you are freer, more liquid, not solid. More is possible when you are unsure. When you are sure, you have chosen -- and every choice is a limitation. Whenever you choose, you choose against something. Whenever you choose, you drop something. So every choice is a limitation.

If you choose the path of awareness, you drop love. If you choose the path of love, you drop awareness. If you choose to be a Christian, you cannot be a Hindu and cannot be a Mohammedan. Whatsoever you choose, in that very moment your consciousness is narrowed down. You become like a tunnel: only a very small portion of the sky is available at the far end but the whole sky is lost. When you are unsure the whole sky is available.

So don't take unsureness as a problem, rather take it as a flowing, liquid, fluid state of being. And there is no need to be sure. If the sureness comes by itself, good -- then it is not your choice and it will not be a limitation.

This distinction has to be understood deeply: when you choose, it becomes a limitation. When life itself brings you to a certain thing, it is not a limitation on you -- not at all. You can move through a tunnel -- you have not chosen it, it is only temporary -- and you know the whole sky is available once you have passed. That small portion of the sky that you can see far away you know belongs to the total sky -- it is not the whole sky because you have not chosen.

So if love happens by itself, awareness remains part of love. If awareness happens by itself, love remains part of it. If you choose, there is limitation. So let God choose. That is the meaning of Jesus' saying, 'Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done.' He's saying that he is not choosing now -- God should choose -- because whatsoever he chooses is bound to be wrong. It cannot be right in the very nature of things. Your choice will be your choice -- hence wrong! Your choice will be the choice of the mind -- hence wrong! Your choice will be the choice from the past -- hence wrong! God's choice is from the future, not from the past.

When you start feeling a certain sureness arising -- good, enjoy that too. If it again melts and things become unsure, enjoy that too. Move with life, with no prejudice, with no idea of your own. Give total freedom to life then life gives total freedom to you -- it is always in proportion. If you hanker for security, certainty, sureness, it is coming out of fear. And fear kills freedom! Why does the mind hanker so much to be sure? -- because with sureness, certainty, there seems to be security. One knows where one is -- but does one really know? And what is the need to know? How can one ever know?

The moment you say, 'I am this,' you are no more this -- it is already passed. Each identity that you think has arisen is already gone, it is already dead -- you have moved from that. The moment you say, 'I love,' it has changed. Now it is not the same state and not the same space. You may be just declaring something which does not exist any more. It may be just a declaration of something dead -- a post-mortem declaration, a posthumous declaration.

The moment you make anything sure, you have moved from it because life is movement, a continuous flux, river-like; it knows no limitation. So one can never be really certain. And to live with this uncertainty is really to live. To live at all is to live with uncertainty, with openness -- vague, nebulous; in a certain way, in chaos. And it is beautiful to be in a chaos.

Order is always ugly because order is always petty. And order is always ugly because order is man-made, home-made. God is a chaos: stars disappearing, new stars being born... old people disappearing, new babies being born. It is a chaos! It is very un-economical. For seventy, eighty years, a person has learned, been educated, experienced life and then suddenly God dismantles him and brings a baby -- again unsure what he is going to be: a doctor, an engineer, or a vagabond; will be able to earn his bread or will become a thief; will be a murderer or a saint -- nobody knows.

And the person who was getting settled, whom everybody knew, who had an identity card, is taken away. And God goes on sending chaotic babies -- screaming and crying and knowing nothing! They take the place of people who knew so many things -- were wise, learned, respected. He goes on toppling them, and brings babies and puts them on the throne -- very chaotic, uneconomical.

But that's how things are: big trees disappear and seeds sprout. The whole of life is a tremendous chaos -- and it is good that it is so. If there were order there would have been ancient, old people, and no babies. Everything would have been dead long ago. Nothing new would happen then, because the new can happen only out of chaos. Everything would have been so perfect, so efficient, so mechanical, that life would not have had any meaning. Life is significant because there is chaos. The new is possible -- that is the meaning of chaos. The old is not necessarily going to be repeated -- that is the meaning of being unsure.

So my whole teaching is to learn how to be happy with unsureness, and how to go on moving with an open mind and open being and let things come, let things happen. Never allow anything to become stagnant. If you can remember this much -- that you should not become a stagnant pool -- you are bound to reach to the ocean; nothing can prevent you. And to reach to the ocean is to reach to God. A river is more orderly than the ocean. A canal is even more orderly than a river. The canal is man-made. The river is more orderly because it is limited by both the sides, by the banks. The ocean is absolutely chaotic. And to be oceanic is the goal.

So live in freedom, live in unsureness, live in uncertainty, and never hanker for anything against this river-like quality. Millions of things will happen to you and nothing will ever hold you. You will pass through many things but you will always pass beyond. Things come and go -- the movement remains. And when you are simply starting to love the movement and delighting in it with no goal at all, with no motivation -- when the movement is there and motivation is not -- that's what I call celebration, joy. Then nobody can make you miserable. Even if you are thrown in hell you will be dancing there, you will be able to enjoy hell -- it is a beautiful grace.

Otherwise your so-called saints -- certain, sure, dogmatic -- even if they go to heaven.... I suspect that they don't go because God won't allow such boring, monotonous company -- but if they ever go, by hook or by crook or in some way... they will be in hell there too. They cannot laugh.

A rock is certain, a flower is not so. If you go in the morning the rock is there, the flower is there. If you go in the evening the rock is still there -- the flower is gone. But still, would you like to be a rock because a rock is very certain ? One should like to be a flower -- even if only for a moment, but it is worth it. To be a rock for millions of years and just to be a flower for a single hour, then too it is worth it to be a flower -- to play with the wind, to take the challenge of the sun, to spread fragrance, to live intensely, passionately, and then wither away and be gone with no regret....

[A visitor asks: I lost a finger while dancing, and since then I began yoga -- I changed from dance to Yoga, and I've had chronic infections and very bad health.]

Sometimes it can happen through Yoga because anything that can be good can also be bad -- it depends. Always remember it as a basic rule: anything that can be good can also be bad. And if there is something which can never be bad, then it can never be good either. So it depends on the person, the situation, his bodily structure, in fact there are many problems.

In the first place, Yoga has never been invented for women. So that is a foolishness really to teach Yoga to women. It was invented by man and for man. So the whole idea is for the man's physiology, not the woman's -- and their physiology is different, totally different, their chemistry is different. So the same posture may be good for man and may not be good for woman. And I have seen this happening many times. Women become very fragile -- they are fragile! Yoga puts such pressure on their glands, their hormonal system, their chemistry. And it is so different -- it was basically meant for man so woman has never been considered. It can make them ill and sometimes many other things also happen.

If a woman persists for many days, maybe illness will disappear, but then male traits will start appearing in her, a moustache will start growing. If you go to Shree Aurobindo's ashram and see the girls you will be surprised: out of all proportion they all are growing moustaches -- too many yoga exercises. Their breasts will start becoming smaller and it will be difficult for them to carry a pregnancy -- their womb becomes smaller and will become very tense. It needs to be very relaxed, really very elastic so the child can grow in it. The womb has to be very elastic so it goes on expanding with the child. If it becomes very tight the child will be killed or will not be really grown, will be retarded, and then childbirth will be very very painful. So I have watched a thousand and one problems.

In the East women really have never tried so there was no problem. Now in the West whatsoever is available to men, women are also trying. In fact they are trying more than men. In the East you will not find many women trying Yoga -- rarely, very rarely. I have not come across any woman practising Yoga. But in the West now the old structure is gone, the social differences are gone. Woman is as free and everything is as available to woman as man -- now there are dangers.

A totally new technology of Yoga has to be developed for woman -- and that can be done only by women. This traditional Hatha Yoga won't do. It is really dangerous! So my first suggestion is drop it, completely stop it.

... Move to dancing. Dancing is perfectly suited to a woman's physiology and chemistry, dancing is meant for her. If a man dances he starts becoming feminine. Dance is the Yoga for women. It fits with their body, their curvature, their grace -- it fits with them perfectly well. So move to dancing. Join the dancing group, the music group -- simply dance. Dance will bring your health back. And forget Yoga forever -- it is not for you. The disease is simply created by your change, so there is no problem about it. Once you shift your energy into dance, within six months you will be perfectly well. This illness will disappear.

So while you are here, dance, sing, and do a few groups they will be very helpful. T'ai Chi you can continue -- back home also. T'ai Chi is very good.... Anything graceful, not drastic. Dancing, T'ai Chi are good but not Aikido or Karate -- no. Something in which you can flow naturally and there is no need to force your body. These yoga contortions are not good, mm? Good.

[A sannyasin asks: I always feel that I keep working and trying to make things happen in my life, with my job, with my relationships with people... I don't believe that if I let go of those things that everything will be okay. I don't have that feeling, that trust.... ]

Mm mm. I can see.... The first thing: whatsoever comes naturally to you, is good. If this comes naturally to you -- striving, holding, making everything sure that it happens the way you wanted it to happen, managing, planning, if this comes naturally to you -- surrender to your nature. Why create this contrary opposite that you have to let go? This will be let-go -- what I am saying. Simply accept that this is your nature. This is the way that [you are] -- that [you] cannot trust that things will be okay if they are left to themselves.

You -- not the striving -- are creating the problem. You are creating the problem having an ideal against striving. On the one hand you strive, on the other hand you have an ideal of non-striving, so you create a polarity. Then you will be pulled apart. Now if you don't strive your nature will say nothing is going to be okay. If you strive your mind will say, 'Again you are striving and life happens only when one is in a let-go.' So you are creating your own trouble.

My suggestion is: first, there is no need to create this new ideal, there is no need -- relax in your nature. I am not saying that this is your nature. I am simply saying that whatsoever happens to be your nature right now -- that you strive and you like to strive and make certain and plan -- simply relax into it, and do whatsoever you want to do totally. Strive totally! You cannot trust? Then don't trust! Work hard on your own. For one month, drop the ideal and simply go with your nature. And in one month there will be much change.

By and by you will see that the striving is disappearing and the let-go is happening... because it is a beginning of let-go! You follow me? If you surrender to your nature -- whatsoever it is, XYZ -- you have started surrendering. If it is your nature, you will be happy. If it is not, by and by it will disappear and your real nature will come out.

And I don't think it is your nature. That's why the idea arises again and again to be in a let-go, to surrender, trust, and to let things happen in their own course, not to strive, not to push the river. That comes to your mind because deep down that is hidden -- your nature is that. But if you start striving for that, that will again be a striving -- you follow me? So I don't want you to strive for that. At least strive for things you have been striving for in the past. Don't create a new goal -- old goals are enough. You just go with it and forget about let-go.

For one month do hard work, and after one month tell me how you feel. By and by you will see that after the third week a deep silence is arising. A let-go is happening without your doing anything about it. What I am telling you is a method of let-go, but a very unconscious method -- not deliberate. A deliberate method will never help you. You would like to have some deliberate method so you can strive for it but I am not going to be a party in that game, mm? -- that will be your undoing. So this is always my approach -- that if somebody likes running I say 'Run, run as much as you can so you fall down!' I will go on pushing you, 'Run more! Run more!' and one day you will see that you cannot run any more and you sit down. Then that sitting will be something beautiful. Right now your whole energy is running -- and you want to sit down. Then it becomes an opposite goal, it creates a split -- and it is never good to create any split.

All splits are dangerous, they can lead to schizophrenia; they can create two personalities in you. So in the morning you are striving, by the evening you are surrendering; in the morning you are striving. Then you become two separate things -- this is very bad. Then it becomes very difficult to integrate them. So be one. Strive... strive hard. Push the river.

I know that one day you will be tired and the river will push you, but then you will not be able to do anything. You will be so tired, so dead tired that there will be no energy to fight with the river. You will have to float... and then a sudden experience of how beautiful it is to float with the river. When it becomes your own experience, existential, mm?... there is no problem. Then you will never strive again.

So for one month do everything as deliberately as possible. For one month don't forgive yourself for anything that you are not doing forcibly. Do forcibly, no rest for you for one month. Get dead tired, exhausted, then one crust will be broken....

You will need to come and for a little longer time because there is much work to be done. And alone it will be difficult for you to do it there. Once your energy has started moving in the right direction there is no problem -- then you can go anywhere and it will be growing. But right now it will be difficult on your own. But we will see, mm?

Just join the music group then you will be doing [a group], then see. And make every effort -- at least in the music group meditations and [group]. Put your total energy in it. If you can put total energy into it, maybe the breakthrough can happen here. Because the time is short so you have to make more effort, more intensely. Something is bound to happen, mm? Don't be worried!

[A therapist in the Alexander technique says: I find myself really getting into meditation through the work... and then when I walk out the head gets back in the way. If there's anything you can suggest.... ]

Just continue. Things are going very well, mm? And... you have changed a lot. You really love your work and so work changes the whole personality. If you love your work there is no need for any other meditation. Meditation really exists for people who have not been able to find a work that they could love. Meditation is a substitute. If you can love your work it is your meditation, a natural meditation -- there is no need to do any other meditation.

And don't be worried about these thoughts, don't pay too much attention to them. They are okay, nothing wrong in them. Just as the blood circulates in the body, so thoughts circulate in the mind. You are not worried about the blood circulating so why should we be worried about thoughts circulating? It's okay. The mechanism of the mind has to keep functioning and rehearsing to remain efficient. It is homework. When you are thinking something, it is homework, so that when there is some situation you can be ready for it. When awareness becomes perfect then this work is not needed, this homework stops automatically, because then your awareness is so perfect you can be certain that you can rely upon it. Whenever there is a situation there will be a response, and the response is going to be so true and so total that there is no need to prepare for it.

My understanding about thinking is that it is a rehearsal, mm? You are going to give an interview so you rehearse in the mind what the official will ask, what you will say, how you will go, how you will present yourself, how you will enter into the office; you have to be calm and quiet -- you are rehearsing. Many times you will go into the office in your mind and many times you will face the person who is going to interview you. Many times you will ask many questions and you will answer. This is a rehearsal because you cannot rely yet on your awareness. Your awareness is not yet reliable so you want to make sure that nothing goes amiss. When awareness is perfect nothing goes amiss, so what is the point?

By and by this rehearsing stops. One simply goes to the interview.... But that comes.

So it is not a question of how to stop thinking. The more basic question is how to become more and more aware. So while working, enjoy it, and become more and more aware. When thoughts are passing, then too just remain aware that thoughts are passing. There is no need to make any effort to stop them -- let them be there. When their need disappears, they will disappear. And in life you cannot make anything disappear unless its need disappears. So many people unnecessarily get into trouble. They want to make something disappear for which need still exists -- it cannot go, it is not possible. Howsoever you fight with it, it will not go -- it will go only when the need has gone.

Then even if you want it to be there, it cannot. The need functions like the roots, and these thoughts are just leaves on the tree. You can go on cutting; that is not going to help -- the roots are continuously feeding the tree and the sap is flowing and new leaves will be coming. And if you cut, one tree will come out of that same place and the bush will become even thicker and denser. No need to fight with these leaves -- let them be, let them flutter in the wind -- good! Nothing wrong in it.

A little noise of the mechanism... and it is a big mechanism! It is the biggest thing in the world. Millions of millions of cells, and as many combinations are possible in one head as there are atoms in the whole existence; the same number of combinations is possible in the head. It is a big phenomenon, and if it makes a little noise it can be forgiven.

Man has not yet created anything more silent than the mind, and the work is so tremendous -- even the biggest computer is nothing compared to mind. And it never can be anything compared to the mind because it is created by the mind, and no computer can create a human mind. Unless a computer can create a human mind -- and that is not possible -- it will never be equal to the human mind.

So a little noise.... You are walking and your body is engaged and the mind is free -- it clicks, mm? It links a few things that have been hanging there... and before there was no time and you were engaged so much in work. Now there is no work and you are released from it, and the mind was waiting whenever there was space to work out a few things in the mind... it goes on. When you fall asleep the mind is completely freed, it can go dreaming, fantasizing. Many things are waiting on the list and it has to go into them and prepare. It is continuously preparing for you.

It disappears -- and I say disappears through my own experience; whatsoever I say is through my own experience. It disappears, but it disappears only when one day your awareness is so impeccable that now you don't require it. Then the mind says, 'Now there is no need for any homework.' Then you can simply go into any situation and face it! And a perfect response comes -- or whatsoever is a response is total and perfect and you never repent for it. Whatsoever happens -- good! You move ahead. You never repent for the past, for the gone, and you never prepare for that which is coming -- you simply move.

It will come. Things are going well. Just go on meditating more and more in your work.