[NOTE: This is an unedited tape transcript of an unpublished darshan diary, which has been scanned and cleaned up. It is for reference purposes only.]
[It seems curious but it's true, that the more deeply you fall inside yourself, the more you appreciate the outer when you turn your energy outwards. That's what Osho began with this evening, explaining how meditation makes you more open to life.]
Meditation makes one available to all the beauties that are always present around us. But we are so insensitive that we are not present to them. They are available to us but we are not available to them.
God is always present, just standing at your door, but we have become so insensitive, we have grown such a thick wall of thoughts, desires, memories, that even if he knocks we are not going to hear him.
The morning comes every day but there are very few people in the world who experience its beauty. Even those who say it is beautiful simply repeat a cliche; they are not experiencing it. They have heard, they have been told, that the morning is beautiful; they are simply repeating it like a gramophone record. It is not their own experience, they have not lived it. And it is not only the beauty of the morning...
Beauty is spread all over existence in millions of forms, but one has to become available in all possible ways, one has to drop all barriers and create bridges instead. That's the whole work of sannyas, destroying the walls, barriers, and creating bridges.
The more bridges you have with existence, the more rich you are. And when you are totally in tune with existence, when not even a single barrier remains, your richness is infinite. Jesus calls it the kingdom of god.
[Osho continued the theme of man's mourning becoming a morning of bliss in his talk to another sannyasin.]
Man lives in a dark night of the soul. Morning happens on the outside but very rarely in the inside. The moment it happens inside you are a Christ, you are a Buddha. The whole of life is really an opportunity to achieve that inner morning. The inner sun has to rise, and it can rise; it is just waiting for us. Just a hint from our side and it starts rising, just a small indication that "I am ready to receive," that "You are welcome," and the miracle starts happening.
We are born to be blissful, it is our birthright. But people are so foolish, they don't even claim their birthright. They become more interested in what others possess and they start running after those things. They never look within, they never search in their own house.
The intelligent person will begin his search from his inner being -- that will be his first exploration -- because unless I know what is within me how can I go on searching all over the world? -- it is such a vast world. And those who have looked within have found it instantly, immediately. It is not a question of gradual progress, it is a sudden phenomenon, a sudden enlightenment.
And my effort is to help you to achieve sudden enlightenment; it is not a gradual process.
[His name, Rudiger, means god's warrior, Osho told the musician from Germany. And then he added 'anand', bliss, to it.]
A sannyasin is god's warrior. But the moment one is god's warrior the whole quality of the war and warriorhood goes through a tremendous transformation. It cannot be understood in the old sense of the word. God's warrior means a lover, a peaceful, silent person, a man who is in such deep harmony with existence that there is no conflict at all.
A Hassid fakir, Zusya, was dying. His old aunt came to see him; the old woman had always been worried about Zusya because he was a little untraditional, unconventional. And she was worried because he was going astray, away from the path of the prophets. He was no more a Jew -- that was her fear. So she came to see him when he was dying. She whispered in his ear "Zusya, have you made your peace with god?" Zusya opened his eyes and even at the moment of death he laughed and he said "But I have never quarrelled with him." Those were his last words, "I have never quarrelled so there is no question of making my peace with him."
That's the meaning of becoming a warrior of god. One has to be absolutely blissful, unconditionally blissful, grateful, thankful for all that the universe has done for one and for all that continuously goes on showering on one. In that blissfulness you are not and when you are not only then are you a warrior of god. If you are then you may be a Christian, a Christian warrior going on a crusade, or you may be a Mohammedan, a Mohammedan warrior going on a jehad, a religious war, or you may be a Hindu -- but you are not god's warrior.
God's warrior cannot be Christian, Hindu, Mohammedan. He is simply a loving, blissful, peaceful person who is always in tune with existence, who is always in a state of let-go, who is so surrendered that he is no more, only god is. That's my definition of the sannyasin.
[To a psychotherapist Osho talked of man's mad mania for fame.]
Man longs very much to be famous, wants to be wellknown, appreciated, attended upon, wants the attention of the whole world focussed on him. But the whole idea is egoistic.
One can become famous -- Alexander the Great was famous, Ivan the Terrible was famous, Adolf Hitler was famous. But this is not divine fame, this is very ugly fame because deep down there is the cancer of the ego. There is a totally different way of being famous -- like Jesus or Buddha or Krishna. For that one needs a loving heart, for that one needs an egoless state.
The ordinary fame is a projection of the ego. The divine fame is getting rid of the ego. In a way they are absolutely opposite. When you have dropped your ego your life starts becoming beautiful in many ways, creative in many ways. All your potential starts turning into actuality. If there was a seed of a poet in you you will become a poet. But your poetry will have a different fragrance; it will not be ordinary poetry, it will be something like the Koran or the Gita or the Upanishad. You will be just a vehicle and god will be singing through you.
If there is a seed of being a painter in you, you will become a painter. But those paintings will have something totally different to those of Picasso. The Picasso paintings are reflections of his egoistic insane mind. You can see very clearly just looking at his paintings that something is crazy about the man, something is not right. Things are upside down, as if he is throwing out his madness on the canvas.
But go and see the Taj Mahal or the temples of Khajuraho, Konarak, Puri, or see the statues of Buddha or : Zen painting and just watching them you will feel a subtle silence descending on you, a peace surrounding you, a grace that you have never felt arising within you. Just sitting silently before a statue of Buddha one can go into deep meditation. Just looking at the Taj Mahal... because it is a Sufi creation. The real creators were the Sufi masters. Of course the money was provided by a great king so it is written in the books that he created the Taj Mahal, but that is not true. Money cannot create Taj Mahal. It is the work of great Sufi understanding.
The proportion, the symmetry, the whole idea is meditative. On a full-moon night at certain periods, if you sit by the side of Taj Mahal you will be surprised: you are transported into another world. This is a real work of art... as if this whole ugly world disappears and a door opens into the mysterious.
The man of meditation simply allows his potential to grow, to become a reality -- whatsoever it is. All are not going to become painters, all are not going to become dancers, all are not going to become poets, and there is no need that they be either. But everyone has got something, nobody comes empty-handed, and the reason is that we never transform the hidden potential into a manifest form.
Meditation makes it possible. It will make you so sensitive that you will see the beauty of existence, you will see the bliss of existence, you will see the silence of existence, you will see its music. You will see thousands of things of which you had never been aware. Meditation simply turns you on -- it is psychedelic.
[Osho returned to a subject he'd touched on on the third of the month, of bliss being not lost but forgotten. The child knows bliss in the womb, he had said that night. But grown-ups, who themselves no longer have it, rapidly ensure the child loses sight of it, he said tonight.]
In fact unless the child forgets the way +o bliss they go on thinking that he is not mature -- that is their criterion.
But it can be remembered although one has to shift much garbage aside, one has to take a spade in the hands and go on removing much rubbish. And it can be found again because it cannot be lost. You can forget, you can remember -- these are the only two possibilities. You cannot lose it, so there is no question of regaining it. It is always there whether you know it or you know it. So the whole question is of remembrance.
George Gurdjieff used to say his method of inward journey was nothing but a self-remembering. And he was right, it is only a question of remembrance. So keep it in your mind that we are not searching and seeking something far away. We are to discover something which is very close by, closer than you can imagine. In fact even to say it is close is not right because you are it. It is not even close, it is you, it is your very existence; hence it is easy to remember. If it were far away then the journey is bound to be very difficult.
All methods of meditation that we use are negative in the sense that they only remove unnecessary things that have gathered in the way so that again we can find the way and we can see the inner light, the inner bliss, the inner reality. The moment one knows one's inner reality one has known all that is worth knowing and one has achieved all that is worth achieving. There is nothing more than that. But it is infinite, it is eternal.
[Doubt and trust are not just mind attitudes. Doubt is food for the ego, Osho pointed out in his words to Veet Sandeha.]
Man can live either in doubt or in trust. These are the only two alternatives available. And man is free to choose -- one just has to understand what are the implications of both the alternatives. If you choose doubt you will remain miserable. You will remain always in an inner state of trembling, you will remain fearful, you will remain unloving, you will remain always scared of everything.
Choosing doubt as your lifestyle is choosing insanity, but millions have chosen it. There must be something more in it and there is -- and that is, it fulfils your ego. It creates all kinds of hells for you but it fulfils your ego.
Before he died George Bernard Shaw was asked where he would like to go, to hell or to heaven. He said "Wherever I can be first. I don't want to be second. If I can be first in hell I will choose hell. Hell or heaven, that is not important; what is important is that I have to be the first." And he said "I know it will be difficult in heaven because god will be there; it will be difficult to be first. And Jesus will be there; it will be difficult to be even second. And who knows about these Buddhas and Zarathustras? I may have to stand in a long, long queue. I don't want that. I would rather suffer all the miseries of hell but I want to be first in the queue."
He was really saying something about the human mind. He had many beautiful insights.
Doubt fulfils your ego, doubt is like food for the ego. It takes everything else but it fulfils the ego. On the other hand, trust takes the ego and fulfils everything else. But ego is not possible. Trust means surrender, trust means love; there is no space for ego and all its stupidities and all its trips. Trust means humbleness, simplicity, innocence. Trust means "agnosia", a state of not-knowing, a childlike innocence. But it brings bliss, peace, silence, and ultimately god.
The choice is between you and god or doubt and trust. By becoming a sannyasin one starts choosing trust and starts dropping doubt. Sannyas really means nothing else than surrendering the ego. And if one can surrender the ego then even the impossible is possible.
[Then he spoke to the successive three sannyasins on the nature of the mind.]
Mind is argumentative. It goes on arguing and arguing, ad infinitum. It keeps you engaged but it never gives you any conclusion. It is inconclusive -- that is its nature. That's why philosophy has not been able to give a single conclusion to humanity. It has been an absolute and utterly futile exercise, and for thousands of years, thousands of the most brilliant people have remained engaged in that stupid work.
Becoming a sannyasin means dropping out of the whole mind trip. The mind argues but never reaches any conclusion; the heart argues never and knows the conclusion. This is how it is, this is one of the mysteries of life. The mind is very noisy but all noise is useless; the heart is silent but delivers the goods.
Move from the head to the heart, from argument to no-argument and life suddenly becomes a new phenomenon, full of significance and meaning, beauty and fragrance, full of light and love. And all these combined together is the meaning of god.
Mind means the world. All the desires for power, prestige, money, the whole past of memories, hurts, wounds, the whole future of desires, expectations, hopes -- all these make the mind, and this is the world we live in.
I don't want my sannyasins to renounce the world of the trees and the people and the animals and the stars, but I certainly want my sannyasins to leave the world of the mind because that is our true imprisonment. And once you go beyond the mind you enter god, you enter eternal bliss.
In India we have called that reality "satchitanand." Sat means truth, chit means consciousness, anand means bliss -- these are the three faces of god, the real trinity. So make every effort to go out of the mind.
[And to the last sannyasin:]
We are continuously thinking; twenty-four hours a day, day in, day out. It is a very insane state. The mind goes on fabricating all kinds of desires and dreams and we remain clouded by these desires and thoughts. There is no other barrier between us and truth except these continuous thoughts. This thinking has to cease, and it can cease because it is not a natural state at all; it is a very diseased state, unnatural. We have been taught to be this way. Our colleges, schools, universities, they all teach us how to think, they all teach us how to turn the mind on and nobody tells us how to turn it off.
My work here is to teach you how to put it off. It is good when it is needed -- use it -- but when it is not needed turn it off and fall into a deep silence, because only in those silent spaces god visit you and only in those silent spaces you become aware of the tremendous splendour of existence. Life suddenly becomes so significant, so meaningful, that you could not have imagined it before. Each moment becomes so precious that one cannot be thankful enough to god.
Osho's Commentary
[It seems curious but it's true, that the more deeply you fall inside yourself, the more you appreciate the outer when you turn your energy outwards. That's what Osho began with this evening, explaining how meditation makes you more open to life.]
Meditation makes one available to all the beauties that are always present around us. But we are so insensitive that we are not present to them. They are available to us but we are not available to them.
God is always present, just standing at your door, but we have become so insensitive, we have grown such a thick wall of thoughts, desires, memories, that even if he knocks we are not going to hear him.
The morning comes every day but there are very few people in the world who experience its beauty. Even those who say it is beautiful simply repeat a cliche; they are not experiencing it. They have heard, they have been told, that the morning is beautiful; they are simply repeating it like a gramophone record. It is not their own experience, they have not lived it. And it is not only the beauty of the morning...
Beauty is spread all over existence in millions of forms, but one has to become available in all possible ways, one has to drop all barriers and create bridges instead. That's the whole work of sannyas, destroying the walls, barriers, and creating bridges.
The more bridges you have with existence, the more rich you are. And when you are totally in tune with existence, when not even a single barrier remains, your richness is infinite.
Jesus calls it the kingdom of god.
[Osho continued the theme of man's mourning becoming a morning of bliss in his talk to another sannyasin.]
Man lives in a dark night of the soul. Morning happens on the outside but very rarely in the inside. The moment it happens inside you are a Christ, you are a Buddha. The whole of life is really an opportunity to achieve that inner morning. The inner sun has to rise, and it can rise; it is just waiting for us. Just a hint from our side and it starts rising, just a small indication that "I am ready to receive," that "You are welcome," and the miracle starts happening.
We are born to be blissful, it is our birthright. But people are so foolish, they don't even claim their birthright. They become more interested in what others possess and they start running after those things. They never look within, they never search in their own house.
The intelligent person will begin his search from his inner being -- that will be his first exploration -- because unless I know what is within me how can I go on searching all over the world? -- it is such a vast world. And those who have looked within have found it instantly, immediately. It is not a question of gradual progress, it is a sudden phenomenon, a sudden enlightenment.
And my effort is to help you to achieve sudden enlightenment; it is not a gradual process.
[His name, Rudiger, means god's warrior, Osho told the musician from Germany. And then he added 'anand', bliss, to it.]
A sannyasin is god's warrior. But the moment one is god's warrior the whole quality of the war and warriorhood goes through a tremendous transformation. It cannot be understood in the old sense of the word. God's warrior means a lover, a peaceful, silent person, a man who is in such deep harmony with existence that there is no conflict at all.
A Hassid fakir, Zusya, was dying. His old aunt came to see him; the old woman had always been worried about Zusya because he was a little untraditional, unconventional. And she was worried because he was going astray, away from the path of the prophets. He was no more a Jew -- that was her fear. So she came to see him when he was dying. She whispered in his ear "Zusya, have you made your peace with god?" Zusya opened his eyes and even at the moment of death he laughed and he said "But I have never quarrelled with him." Those were his last words, "I have never quarrelled so there is no question of making my peace with him."
That's the meaning of becoming a warrior of god. One has to be absolutely blissful, unconditionally blissful, grateful, thankful for all that the universe has done for one and for all that continuously goes on showering on one. In that blissfulness you are not and when you are not only then are you a warrior of god. If you are then you may be a Christian, a Christian warrior going on a crusade, or you may be a Mohammedan, a Mohammedan warrior going on a jehad, a religious war, or you may be a Hindu -- but you are not god's warrior.
God's warrior cannot be Christian, Hindu, Mohammedan. He is simply a loving, blissful, peaceful person who is always in tune with existence, who is always in a state of let-go, who is so surrendered that he is no more, only god is.
That's my definition of the sannyasin.
[To a psychotherapist Osho talked of man's mad mania for fame.]
Man longs very much to be famous, wants to be wellknown, appreciated, attended upon, wants the attention of the whole world focussed on him. But the whole idea is egoistic.
One can become famous -- Alexander the Great was famous, Ivan the Terrible was famous, Adolf Hitler was famous. But this is not divine fame, this is very ugly fame because deep down there is the cancer of the ego. There is a totally different way of being famous -- like Jesus or Buddha or Krishna. For that one needs a loving heart, for that one needs an egoless state.
The ordinary fame is a projection of the ego. The divine fame is getting rid of the ego. In a way they are absolutely opposite. When you have dropped your ego your life starts becoming beautiful in many ways, creative in many ways. All your potential starts turning into actuality. If there was a seed of a poet in you you will become a poet. But your poetry will have a different fragrance; it will not be ordinary poetry, it will be something like the Koran or the Gita or the Upanishad. You will be just a vehicle and god will be singing through you.
If there is a seed of being a painter in you, you will become a painter. But those paintings will have something totally different to those of Picasso. The Picasso paintings are reflections of his egoistic insane mind. You can see very clearly just looking at his paintings that something is crazy about the man, something is not right. Things are upside down, as if he is throwing out his madness on the canvas.
But go and see the Taj Mahal or the temples of Khajuraho, Konarak, Puri, or see the statues of Buddha or : Zen painting and just watching them you will feel a subtle silence descending on you, a peace surrounding you, a grace that you have never felt arising within you. Just sitting silently before a statue of Buddha one can go into deep meditation. Just looking at the Taj Mahal... because it is a Sufi creation. The real creators were the Sufi masters. Of course the money was provided by a great king so it is written in the books that he created the Taj Mahal, but that is not true. Money cannot create Taj Mahal. It is the work of great Sufi understanding.
The proportion, the symmetry, the whole idea is meditative. On a full-moon night at certain periods, if you sit by the side of Taj Mahal you will be surprised: you are transported into another world. This is a real work of art... as if this whole ugly world disappears and a door opens into the mysterious.
The man of meditation simply allows his potential to grow, to become a reality -- whatsoever it is. All are not going to become painters, all are not going to become dancers, all are not going to become poets, and there is no need that they be either. But everyone has got something, nobody comes empty-handed, and the reason is that we never transform the hidden potential into a manifest form.
Meditation makes it possible. It will make you so sensitive that you will see the beauty of existence, you will see the bliss of existence, you will see the silence of existence, you will see its music. You will see thousands of things of which you had never been aware. Meditation simply turns you on -- it is psychedelic.
[Osho returned to a subject he'd touched on on the third of the month, of bliss being not lost but forgotten. The child knows bliss in the womb, he had said that night. But grown-ups, who themselves no longer have it, rapidly ensure the child loses sight of it, he said tonight.]
In fact unless the child forgets the way +o bliss they go on thinking that he is not mature -- that is their criterion.
But it can be remembered although one has to shift much garbage aside, one has to take a spade in the hands and go on removing much rubbish. And it can be found again because it cannot be lost. You can forget, you can remember -- these are the only two possibilities. You cannot lose it, so there is no question of regaining it. It is always there whether you know it or you know it. So the whole question is of remembrance.
George Gurdjieff used to say his method of inward journey was nothing but a self-remembering. And he was right, it is only a question of remembrance. So keep it in your mind that we are not searching and seeking something far away. We are to discover something which is very close by, closer than you can imagine. In fact even to say it is close is not right because you are it. It is not even close, it is you, it is your very existence; hence it is easy to remember. If it were far away then the journey is bound to be very difficult.
All methods of meditation that we use are negative in the sense that they only remove unnecessary things that have gathered in the way so that again we can find the way and we can see the inner light, the inner bliss, the inner reality. The moment one knows one's inner reality one has known all that is worth knowing and one has achieved all that is worth achieving. There is nothing more than that. But it is infinite, it is eternal.
[Doubt and trust are not just mind attitudes. Doubt is food for the ego, Osho pointed out in his words to Veet Sandeha.]
Man can live either in doubt or in trust. These are the only two alternatives available. And man is free to choose -- one just has to understand what are the implications of both the alternatives. If you choose doubt you will remain miserable. You will remain always in an inner state of trembling, you will remain fearful, you will remain unloving, you will remain always scared of everything.
Choosing doubt as your lifestyle is choosing insanity, but millions have chosen it. There must be something more in it and there is -- and that is, it fulfils your ego. It creates all kinds of hells for you but it fulfils your ego.
Before he died George Bernard Shaw was asked where he would like to go, to hell or to heaven. He said "Wherever I can be first. I don't want to be second. If I can be first in hell I will choose hell. Hell or heaven, that is not important; what is important is that I have to be the first." And he said "I know it will be difficult in heaven because god will be there; it will be difficult to be first. And Jesus will be there; it will be difficult to be even second. And who knows about these Buddhas and Zarathustras? I may have to stand in a long, long queue. I don't want that. I would rather suffer all the miseries of hell but I want to be first in the queue."
He was really saying something about the human mind. He had many beautiful insights.
Doubt fulfils your ego, doubt is like food for the ego. It takes everything else but it fulfils the ego. On the other hand, trust takes the ego and fulfils everything else. But ego is not possible. Trust means surrender, trust means love; there is no space for ego and all its stupidities and all its trips. Trust means humbleness, simplicity, innocence. Trust means "agnosia", a state of not-knowing, a childlike innocence. But it brings bliss, peace, silence, and ultimately god.
The choice is between you and god or doubt and trust. By becoming a sannyasin one starts choosing trust and starts dropping doubt. Sannyas really means nothing else than surrendering the ego. And if one can surrender the ego then even the impossible is possible.
[Then he spoke to the successive three sannyasins on the nature of the mind.]
Mind is argumentative. It goes on arguing and arguing, ad infinitum. It keeps you engaged but it never gives you any conclusion. It is inconclusive -- that is its nature. That's why philosophy has not been able to give a single conclusion to humanity. It has been an absolute and utterly futile exercise, and for thousands of years, thousands of the most brilliant people have remained engaged in that stupid work.
Becoming a sannyasin means dropping out of the whole mind trip. The mind argues but never reaches any conclusion; the heart argues never and knows the conclusion. This is how it is, this is one of the mysteries of life. The mind is very noisy but all noise is useless; the heart is silent but delivers the goods.
Move from the head to the heart, from argument to no-argument and life suddenly becomes a new phenomenon, full of significance and meaning, beauty and fragrance, full of light and love. And all these combined together is the meaning of god.
Mind means the world. All the desires for power, prestige, money, the whole past of memories, hurts, wounds, the whole future of desires, expectations, hopes -- all these make the mind, and this is the world we live in.
I don't want my sannyasins to renounce the world of the trees and the people and the animals and the stars, but I certainly want my sannyasins to leave the world of the mind because that is our true imprisonment. And once you go beyond the mind you enter god, you enter eternal bliss.
In India we have called that reality "satchitanand." Sat means truth, chit means consciousness, anand means bliss -- these are the three faces of god, the real trinity.
So make every effort to go out of the mind.
[And to the last sannyasin:]
We are continuously thinking; twenty-four hours a day, day in, day out. It is a very insane state. The mind goes on fabricating all kinds of desires and dreams and we remain clouded by these desires and thoughts. There is no other barrier between us and truth except these continuous thoughts. This thinking has to cease, and it can cease because it is not a natural state at all; it is a very diseased state, unnatural. We have been taught to be this way. Our colleges, schools, universities, they all teach us how to think, they all teach us how to turn the mind on and nobody tells us how to turn it off.
My work here is to teach you how to put it off. It is good when it is needed -- use it -- but when it is not needed turn it off and fall into a deep silence, because only in those silent spaces god visit you and only in those silent spaces you become aware of the tremendous splendour of existence. Life suddenly becomes so significant, so meaningful, that you could not have imagined it before. Each moment becomes so precious that one cannot be thankful enough to god.