Prem Nadi Ke Teera #4

No, I have no program. No program at all. And I have no view toward the rebellion—no stance, no position. I consider it natural. So I do not take any reaction toward it. I have no fight with it. Yes, whatever seems right to me, I go on saying. Whatever seems right to me, I go on conveying. Whoever wants to oppose it is opposing it—that ends there. I have no program to oppose the one who opposes. I have nothing to do with that, because I take it to be perfectly natural.

It is as natural as this: if the wind is blowing from east to west and I start walking west, the wind will begin to push me. It is just that natural. And it has always been that natural. Therefore, if someone says something against me, I have no program against them. I will go on saying what I have to say. I will go on sharing what seems right to me. Whoever wants to oppose it will go on opposing; whoever wants to support it will go on supporting. And the two together make a tradition. Together they create tradition.

So I have no program to create a tradition. And my constant effort is—I believe it has always been my effort, though it has not succeeded so far—that no tradition be formed. Because if I take up any program against them, then tradition begins to form. So I have no program against them. I have no enmity with them. They may have enmity with me.

I consider it absolutely natural. It has always been so; there is nothing to make of it. If it did not happen, that would be surprising. If it did not happen, it would be very surprising. It would mean some miracle has occurred. That is, if Jesus were to come and not be crucified, it would be a great surprise; if Nanak were to come and no stones were thrown, then either he has become irrelevant—so much so that no one even has the leisure to throw a stone—or else a revolution has taken place and the whole world has become religious. It is absolutely natural. It is absolutely natural.

So I have no further reaction to it. I accept it as natural and I keep doing what I have to do. I do not let them make any difference in what I do. And if I do make a difference, they will very quickly drag me to their own ground.

It is a curious thing that the one we fight—knowingly or unknowingly—we become like. Therefore choose your enemy very carefully. You can choose any friend; a friend cannot spoil you that much. But an enemy inevitably spoils you. Because when we fight, we have to fight with his tactics, and then gradually enemies come to be on the same plane; no difference remains between them.

No difference can remain, because you have to fight with the same tactics. His tactics become yours, and yours become his. All is spoiled. So I do not fight. I hold that if you want to preserve the purity of something, do not throw it into conflict; otherwise it will start getting corrupted. Therefore I do my work, they do theirs—the matter ends there. After that I have nothing to do with them.

(The audio recording of the question is not clear.)

If he needs love then… Suppose someone comes home exhausted, burdened with problems. The husband should understand that, upon reaching home, for the first half hour he should, as far as possible, keep a little distance from his wife. Keep a distance, because for half an hour… his mind is full from the entire day. At any moment he may explode on his wife.

And remember: we explode on those who are closest to us, not on others. But this does not occur to us. The one we feel most near, we break upon that very one. This too is a part of love; it is not enmity.

Now, someone in the market angered him; he could not break on that person—if he did, that person would become an enemy. Now he is full; where will it be released? He can break on his wife, because he knows that even if he does, it will not turn into enmity. After half an hour everything will be fine.

So we get angry only at our own people. It never occurs to us: we never get angry at others. Therefore, if someone gets angry at us, and if we have some understanding, we should know it is a part of love—that is why he is so angry. But the trouble is that no one understands anyone. If the husband speaks loudly, she takes it that he is speaking loudly at her, meaning he is proving her guilty. When the wife begins to cry, the husband thinks she is crying because he spoke loudly.

No—the reasons for her crying are her own; she is filled up from the whole day. She was preparing: if a chance to cry arose, she would cry. And you were preparing: if a chance to scold arose, you would scold.

(The audio recording of the question is not clear.)

Yes, there are reasons—many reasons. This is a biological difference. There is a physical difference between woman and man. The reason is that the woman is to become a mother. If she cannot give twenty-four hours of love to her child, the child will die. So her body is made such that she can give love around the clock; otherwise the child would die.

You cannot raise a child. If, in this world, the raising of children were handed over to men, there would be no need to reduce the population—the population would drop by itself. You cannot raise a child. Feeding him for half an hour, fifteen minutes, is one thing. But at night when he cries ten times, you will feel like strangling your own son. A woman will never feel like strangling him; she can love him twenty-four hours a day.

So the entire biological makeup of the woman is such that she can love twenty-four hours—first. A woman’s whole body is affected by love—the whole body. Every single hair is affected by love. It is not so with the man. Therefore, for a man, love turns around and becomes sex, because only his sex center is affected by love.

Now this difference between the two is so basic that it creates complications. In a man, only the sex center is affected by love. The rest of his body is loveless; there are no atoms of love in it—and this is no fault of his. It is no fault of the woman either; her whole body is filled with love.

Therefore what happens is: when a man begins to love a woman, he loves her whole body, and the woman is very pleased. But once they are married, only sex remains; the whole body is left out. Then the woman begins to be unhappy, because she does not have so much taste for sex. For her, sex is a climax: love her whole body; when her whole body is aroused by love, then sex is delightful for her. For the man, sex itself becomes love; only that much of him is able to love. Therefore sex is enough for him. And then the disturbances begin.

A woman asks that her whole body be loved. So when a man at first begins to love a woman, he loves her entire body, because if you attack a woman’s sex directly, she will be very annoyed. You have to proceed by loving her whole body. Later, once the marriage has happened, the man finishes with sex, while the woman keeps demanding: love me completely. Then she begins to feel that he has made only a sexual connection with me, that there is no love. She will feel it is love only when, for an hour, you love her whole body. All these difficulties need to be explained to every child. And that is why all the disturbance arises. You keep trying to solve it from the surface, and it is not solved, because the demand is entirely different.

When a woman feels that you do not love her whole body, at once the thought arises that you have begun to like someone else’s body. This is a troublesome thought. Because when her body appealed to you, you did love her whole body. Instantly doubt begins to arise that you have begun to desire another body. This throws her into great pain. Then if she sees you laughing with someone, talking with someone—she is finished; her life goes out of her. Now she will take revenge on you.

So this entire matter should be made clear: there is a basic difference between man and woman. In this there is no one’s fault; it is a natural difference. And what was not a problem for nature has become a problem because of marriage, which man instituted. Animals and birds have no trouble. If man too were like animals and birds, there would be no trouble. But man created marriage, and marriage created all the disturbances. If we do not create marriage, there are other disturbances; therefore he had to create marriage.

Animals and birds have no quarrel, because permanent relationships are not formed. Therefore, in whatever relationship does arise, the female too is satisfied, because the male loves her entire body; only then does she consent to sex; otherwise she does not. Thus she becomes wholly satisfied.

And that relationship is immediately dissolved. Therefore, if tomorrow he is loving another female, no jealousy arises, because what relationship is there? Jealousy arises here because we make relationships permanent, while our nature within is that of animals. Hence the whole disturbance. Either the nature within us must rise above the animal, or we must end relationships; otherwise it will be difficult to set the world right.

Or else there should be so much understanding that we teach every single child these truths—that these are the truths. We should tell every girl: your husband will love your whole body for two, four, eight days; after that only sex will remain. Then do not be unhappy. This is natural. And we should tell her: if, in twenty-four hours, for even fifteen minutes he becomes loving toward you, consider that sufficient; do not demand love from him for the remaining twenty-three and a half hours, because he is incapable.

Likewise it is necessary to teach the man: do not maintain only a sexual relation with the woman; because the moment you relate to her directly through sex, she feels she has become a prostitute. You have no love for her; you are using her as an instrument, as a machine.

Thousands of women have told me that with their husbands they have only this feeling: that they are merely purchased prostitutes for them, with whom they have intercourse. And as soon as the intercourse is over, the husband turns over and goes to sleep, and the wife weeps—in ninety out of a hundred cases. Because she has remained unfulfilled. You did not even touch her whole body. All these truths—each one, bare as it is. Yet we are afraid even of this.

Therefore I am in a great tangle: I want to place things exactly as they are; only then can there be a solution. And we all sit hiding everything. In that concealment the whole mess keeps growing.

And there are such basic differences that are not visible. For example, male sexuality is, in its primary phase, the strongest. And female sexuality begins to become strong in later age. This creates a basic difference. A man is potent from fifteen to twenty-five or thirty. And in a woman, after forty her sexual demand begins to rise. There are reasons—biological reasons.

Because a woman is always afraid of sex; for her, sex is responsibility. For a man, there is no responsibility in sex; for him, sex is a play. For the woman it is responsibility—bearing and rearing a child. Therefore all girls are afraid of sex. By the time their fear of sex dissolves, the man has emptied out. By the time their fear dissolves, by the time they come to understand sex and their fear ends, the man has finished. When their demand increases, he has already slackened. From this a great difficulty begins.

But where are you actually using them? In those countries where they are used, there is an effect. No, no—absolutely, absolutely there is an effect. And we—our training of girls—is anti-sex. That is why, as a rule, a woman does not get free of her opposition to sex even till she dies. And it is you who teach it; you teach your daughter to remain absolutely virgin. You will teach her to stay a virgin—then later how will that virginity break in her mind? What arrangement have you made to break it? For twenty years you teach her to remain a virgin, and after twenty years, suddenly one day you say, “Now go into the world of sex.”
Where will those twenty years of training go? She will resist. Her opposition to sex will remain her whole life. Therefore she will think the man is wicked, bad, dirty. On the surface she will say, “He is my husband,” but inside she will know, “This man is dirty,” because for twenty years sex was described to her as dirty. And when her mind was virgin, simple, you hammered it in: “Don’t speak to any boy; don’t talk; don’t let anyone touch you.” And after all that, suddenly one day you marry her off. Now the difficulty has arisen.
So our whole training is such that suffering is inevitable. It is not a problem of one man and one woman; it is a problem of our entire social order. And until we break it from there, this will not change.
And it is also perfectly natural that we get bored with everything—we get bored with the wife, the wife gets bored with the husband. But we are not willing to accept this. If you feed me the same food today, tomorrow, and the day after, I will get bored. If the same woman’s body is had day after day, one gets bored; with a man’s body the woman too gets bored.
But we do not accept this truth; that creates much trouble. So if ever some other woman happens to meet a man, he talks with her a little joyfully. One should understand: he is bored with his own wife. Nothing unnatural is happening. But an uproar will begin at once.
Anything we repeat becomes boring. The same face, the same laughter becomes wearisome. Another face, another laughter feels a little pleasant. There is nothing bad in this, nothing unnatural. But our mind creates trouble. And my own understanding is that if a man chats and laughs with another woman for ten minutes, then his own wife again seems good to him. A fresh taste begins again.
But the wife gets frightened by this. And the man too gets frightened: if his wife laughs and talks with another man, he will be hurt. But he has no idea that this is very good—because of this, her husband will again seem good to her. In between, the taste changed.
The day we understand and accept the whole truths about the human being—as they are—that day the world can become good. But we are dishonest; what can we do? And when someone speaks honestly, he seems like an enemy to us—then it becomes very difficult.