Dhyan Ke Kamal #9

It depends on your inner intention whether the watching of tendencies turns into repression or not.
If someone is observing—watching, inspecting, witnessing—the tendencies in order to be free of them, then that very watching will become repression, suppression. If your aspiration in observing is only this: “How can I be free of these tendencies?”—you have already decided beforehand that they are bad; you want to get rid of them; they are hell, you must be liberated from them; they are suffering, you must go beyond them. You go to look at tendencies having already taken sides; you carry condemnation and enmity toward them in your mind. Then even your watching becomes repression.
And any watching that becomes repression is not watching. For observation, inspection, witnessing has only one meaning: that a dispassionate seeing can happen.
So do not decide in advance that you must be free of tendencies. Do not decide beforehand that they are bad. Keep a neutral attitude toward them at the outset. Who knows—they may be bad, they may not be! Who knows whether freedom from them is needed or not! Let the conclusion arise from observation. Let observation happen. If observation goes deep, you will succeed in understanding the tendencies.
And leave the matter of freedom or bondage—of remaining in tendencies or going beyond them—to the conclusion that observation brings. And the surprising thing is: the person who waits for the conclusion of observation, and does not decide and opine beforehand, suddenly finds himself free of the tendencies. One does not have to become free of them; it happens. The natural fruit of observation leads to freedom from tendencies.
But we decide in advance. And having decided, we even stand in observation like a partisan; we are no longer witnesses.
I have heard: in the last phase of his life, when Mulla Nasruddin was about sixty, sixty-five, the people of his village chose him as the village’s honorary magistrate.
The very first case came before him. The lawyer presented his statement about the accused. After listening to the statement, Mulla began to write his judgment. The court clerk said, “Wait—you haven’t yet heard the other lawyer!”
Mulla said, “The second one will only confuse me. After listening to two statements it will be very difficult to decide. Let me give a clean, neat judgment on the basis of just one.”
We are all carrying similar judgments about ourselves. You have read in scriptures that tendencies are bad. You have heard from teachers, you have picked up in the company of so-called saints, that tendencies are bad. You have never observed tendencies, nor given them a chance to reveal themselves to you in their total nakedness.
Your judgments are biased—taken without asking the tendencies, without knowing them. So if someone tells you, “Observe!” you too observe only to find a way to get rid of them.
A friend came to me about three months ago. He is sixty. But sexual desire does not retire with age. And people in this world are very strange. When I was speaking on “From Sex to Superconsciousness,” he walked out on the very first day. He wrote me a letter saying, “You are saying such things as will bring about the downfall of humanity.”
And now, three months ago—after two years of not showing up—he came and said, “Sexual desire doesn’t leave me!”
I said, “When I was speaking on sex, you were sitting in front of me and you left the hall. And two days later you wrote me that I was talking like this and that.” Because outwardly he has spread the word about himself that he is very celibate. And inside…
Those who advertise their celibacy are often standing atop a boiling volcano within.
I asked, “Your sexual desire still hasn’t left you?”
He said, “That’s what I’ve come to ask—how can it leave?”
I said to him, “You have already decided that sex is bad; then how will you be able to observe?”
He said, “Not just observation—I’m ready to do anything, so long as it goes away. That decision is firm.”
I told him, “If you want to observe, first drop your decision. Become impartial toward sex. See it too as a gift of the Divine. In fact, it is a gift. Only the unwise call it sin. By calling it sin, the great benefit we could derive from a divine gift is lost. That which we have labeled ‘bad’ we become incapable of using rightly.
Sex is not bad. Nothing in this world is bad. What is bad is not using a thing—misusing it is bad. No thing is bad in itself.
The one who makes a right use even of sex reaches the realization of the Divine by using sex as a staircase. The one who fails to use it rightly rots in sex itself. The very energy that could carry him to God throws him into the pit of sin. But the energy has no fault. The fault lies with the user.
A tendency is not bad. If you are bad, the tendency gets misused; if you are good, the tendency is rightly used. Energies are neutral, indifferent.
Put a sword in your hand. The sword is not bad—what could be bad in the sword? But with it you can cut someone’s head off—then it becomes bad. But the badness is in your hand and your mind, not in the sword. And with the same sword, if someone’s neck is about to be cut, you can save him—then too the goodness is not in the sword but in you.
Tendencies are energies. They need neither to be suppressed nor fought with nor condemned. They need to be understood. The secrets hidden within them need to be recognized. And how we can use their power for an upward movement begins to become clear through observation. Observation turns into repression if you are observing in order to get rid of something. Observation becomes liberation if you are observing in order to know: What is this tendency? What is its energy? And why has existence given it to me?
Drop ill will. Approach your tendencies with goodwill. Then a revolution happens. Those whom you had taken to be your enemies turn out to be your greatest friends. What is needed is impartial observation—choiceless observation, observation free of opinions, observation empty of preconceived positions. Then observation becomes liberation. And after observation, nothing further needs to be done to become free—observation itself is liberation—the very observation. It is not that after observing you will have to do something else and then you will be free.
If there is a snake on the path, the very seeing of the snake becomes your jump. It is not that first the snake is seen, then you take out your notebook, do some arithmetic: “There is a snake ahead; should I jump or not? What should I do? Which guru should I ask? Where should I go?”
The snake is seen and the jump happens. The jump and the seeing are not two things. Outside, the seeing of the snake, and inside, the leap—both occur together, simultaneously.
The moment a person comes to the observation of his tendencies, the leap happens within. Observation, conclusion, and result—all happen at once. Therefore it is not that first you will come to know what a tendency is, and then you will try to free yourself from it. No; no such trying is needed.
And if you say, “I know this tendency is bad—now how do I get rid of it?”—you are only informing me that you do not know it is bad. You have merely heard it. Someone must have said it.
And we are all busy corrupting each other’s minds. We are all telling each other things we ourselves don’t know. There is so much pleasure in being knowledgeable that in this world the ignorant do not cause as much harm as those who enjoy the pleasure of being “knowers.” There is such delight in telling others that we don’t even bother to check whether we ourselves know it. If the so-called knowers were honest, the danger of ignorance would disappear. But the “knowers” cannot be honest; they themselves don’t know.
A sannyasin had written a book on meditation. I read it ten years ago. It was an extraordinary book. But two or three points in it revealed that this man had not meditated. The book was quite remarkable; everything was absolutely correct, yet there were two or three gaps. And those gaps, those empty spaces, revealed that the man had not meditated.
All Eastern scriptures have been written by very skillful people. And in all Eastern scriptures there are gaps, intervals. For example, take Patanjali’s Yoga Sutras—if someone writes a book on them only by reading the sutras and the literature on yoga, he will not be able to fill the gaps. For in the text those empty spaces are intentionally left. Only one who has known through meditation can write on Patanjali and fill in the intervals he has left. That is the only real touchstone: whether one has known, or has spoken without knowing.
The book was wonderful. It had been written after studying and reading all that has been written on meditation. But one thing was clear: the places that are always left blank had not even been indicated. That person had not meditated.
Ten years later, in one city, I met that sannyasin. He came with fifty or sixty disciples to see me. We talked. I said to him, “Your book is very remarkable. But you have written about meditation without knowing—without any experience.”
He became a little restless, because his disciples were all around. Then he told his chief disciple, “You all wait outside. Let me speak in private.” In private his eyes filled with tears. He was honest. He said, “How did you know I have not known meditation? I have never told anyone that I have not known. And because of my book I have thousands of disciples. Did you notice some mistake in the book?”
I said, “There is no mistake in the book. It’s an extraordinary book—absolutely errorless. You have studied perfectly. But you have not experienced. There is no news of experience in the book.”
Yet he has thousands of disciples! And people, acting on his words, are meditating! And the man is weeping, because he has no experience of meditation. Now, those whom he is instructing, he will become the cause of their falling into a ditch.
What is he getting out of it?
He is getting the pleasure of telling—without understanding that what one has not known cannot be conveyed.
So you hear things. Someone says, “Anger is bad.” Father says it, though the father too gets angry. Mother says it, though the mother too gets angry. At school the teacher says, “Anger is bad,” though he too becomes angry. So the growing child learns two things: he learns “Anger is bad—everyone says so, therefore it must be bad.” And he learns “Everyone gets angry—therefore one should be angry.” Double logic, double talk—he becomes double-minded. It is settled that anger is something to do; and it is also settled that anger is something bad. Now he is trapped. All his life he will be angry, and all his life he will abuse anger.
The day our education is right, proper, we will not teach, “Anger is bad.” We will teach entry into the energy of anger. And whenever anger arises, we will teach the process of how to enter into anger. The process itself will reveal what anger is. It will not declare, “Anger is bad.” The moment anger is known, one goes beyond anger.
Whoever went to Gurdjieff in the West—he was one of the few living masters on earth in this century—he would ask, “What is your fundamental weakness?” If the person said, “My basic tendency is—anger, greed, attachment, sex,” whichever it was, Gurdjieff would say, “For fifteen days now, try to manifest your fundamental weakness as much as you can.”
If he said, “Anger,” Gurdjieff would say, “Get as angry as you possibly can.” And Gurdjieff would create such situations that the man would have to go utterly mad with anger. And when the man was utterly mad, every hair on his body trembling in the fire of anger, then Gurdjieff would say, “Now observe! Now observe!” When anger was standing in its full blaze and the man was in the midst of it, Gurdjieff would shake him and say, “This is the moment! Now, now observe! Now know what anger is!”
And it often happened that the one who observed from that burning point found it impossible ever again to fall into that tendency.
So observe the tendency impartially, and no repression will result.

This needs to be understood a little. When a person has to surrender for the first time, even then he must use resolve. Even for surrender, resolve has to be used. If you are using resolve for the sake of resolve itself, the journey becomes dakshinayan—downward. And if you are using resolve for the sake of surrender, the journey becomes uttarayan—upward.

This experiment too begins with resolve. All meditations begin with resolve, but not all conclude in surrender. The meditations that begin with resolve and also complete themselves in resolve lead you downward. The methods of meditation that begin with resolve and are completed in surrender lead you upward.

This experiment we are doing is also an experiment of resolve. But gradually resolve keeps dropping away and you enter into surrender. In the final moment you are only in a state of surrender; resolve has been left behind.

Resolve is our present condition. Wherever we are standing now—resolve is our condition. Wherever we wish to go, up or down, we will have to go by means of resolve.

If you will for will’s sake, you will descend. And if you will for surrender’s sake, you will ascend. If the ultimate goal is surrender, even the ladder of resolve can be used. And if the ultimate goal is resolve, you can even make use of surrender—and you will go down.

Take another point into account. First I said: resolve can become a path to surrender; surrender can become a path to resolve. A man may surrender to God only so that his will-power becomes immense. A man may say, “O Lord, I leave everything in your hands,” but inside there remains desire...

The feminine mind begins from surrender and completes itself in resolve. And the day you accept a woman’s surrender, that very day you become her slave. You had thought you would become the master. In that very illusion you became a slave. The woman’s alchemy, her chemistry, the way the feminine mind functions is exactly this: the one you want to bind, first give him the idea that he is the master.

The masculine mind is the reverse. He begins from resolve and completes himself in surrender. That is why woman and man can harmonize; otherwise harmony would be difficult. Opposites—through their very opposition—find a meeting. The masculine mind is the reverse: he begins with resolve. He first tries to conquer the woman. He does not know that in the end he will be defeated. From the moment of his victory his defeat has begun.

Therefore the man who places his head at a woman’s feet can never find attunement with her. And the woman who is not willing to bow her head at a man’s feet can also never find attunement. That is why, in the West, relationships between men and women are becoming looser and more distorted day by day. Because the woman has decided, “I will no longer surrender.” But the day a woman decides not to surrender, that very day it becomes difficult for the man to “win.” And the man has also decided to give the woman equal opportunity, so, “I will not conquer her.” And the day a man does not conquer a woman, from that day there remains no way for his defeat.

There is a dialectics—a dialectical law of life: opposites attract. Woman and man live in utterly opposite ways. The depth of this oppositeness in their ways of living is precisely this: the woman begins with surrender and completes in resolve; the man begins with resolve and completes in surrender. Hence their mutual attraction.

You can begin with either, because within each person both woman and man are hidden. Everyone is bisexual. No one is unisexual. The latest findings of psychology and the latest explorations in biology establish that no one is wholly male and no woman wholly female. The differences are of degree. You are sixty percent male and forty percent female, hence you appear a man. Your wife is sixty percent female and forty percent male, hence she appears a woman. The distinctions are of percentages. Within you too the woman is hidden; within a man the woman; and within a woman the man. Therefore it also happens sometimes that we find a man who appears entirely feminine, and a woman who appears entirely masculine.

Mulla Nasruddin once saw a woman walking on the road. He went near and began to stare at her. The woman asked, “What are you looking at?”
He said, “It is very surprising: you are a woman, but you don’t look like a woman!”
That person—whom Mulla had taken to be a woman—said, “Forgive me, I am not a woman, I am a man!”
Mulla said, “Then it is truly astonishing! Your face exactly resembles my wife’s—only the beard and mustache differ.”
That person said, “But I don’t even have a beard and mustache!”
Mulla said, “My wife does.”

There are feminine men and man-like women—when the proportion is higher. And that is why it can sometimes happen that a man begins like a man and later in life becomes a woman; a woman begins like a woman and later in life becomes a man. Three years ago in London a very strange court case took place. A man from a lord’s family married a woman. A year later he petitioned the court for divorce. And at the time of divorce he told the court: “This is not a woman.” In a year that woman had become a man.

Then there were all kinds of tests. A long inquiry was made. That woman had not deceived him. But the proportion must have been very close. If it is something like fifty-one/forty-nine, the ratio can fall or rise. And now scientists even say that by injections we can turn any man into a woman and any woman into a man—because the difference is of hormones. Hormones can be increased or decreased.

I am saying this for this reason—there is bisexuality; each person contains both sexes at once—so that it may become clear to you that you can begin either with resolve or with surrender. If you begin with resolve and your ultimate goal is surrender, you will set out on the uttarayan. And if you begin with resolve and your ultimate goal is resolve, you will set out on the dakshinayan. If you begin with surrender and your ultimate goal is surrender, you will also set out on the uttarayan. And if you begin with surrender and your ultimate goal is resolve, then you will also...

I request those who are only watching: please watch silently. And those who are meditating, spread out a little. Make space and spread out at a distance. Meditators, spread out and make some room; keep some distance.

(For the first stage, for fifteen minutes, kirtan continues along with the music.)

Govind bolo, Hari Gopal bolo
Govind bolo, Hari Gopal bolo
Govind bolo, Hari Gopal bolo...
Radha Raman Hari Gopal bolo
Radha Raman Hari Gopal bolo
Radha Raman Hari Gopal bolo...

(In the second stage, for fifteen minutes only the music continues and, in the intense expression of feeling, crying, laughing, dancing, shouting, and so on go on. After thirty minutes, in the third stage Osho begins to give suggestions again.)

Now be silent. Stop all sound. Be quiet. Stop the voice; stop all movement. Make the voice absolutely still. The energy has awakened—hold it inside.

Close the eyes; let all the senses relax. Close the eyes; stop the voice. And do not move even a little—be absolutely like a dead body. Let the energy that has awakened within now move on its upward journey. Close every door from every side.

Eyes closed. Movement stopped. Voice stopped. Now place your right hand on the forehead—take the right hand between the two eyes, near the third eye. Now put your right-hand palm on your forehead between the eyebrows and rub the third-eye spot up and down and sideways. Rub it, rub it; and with the very rubbing something happens inside—a new door opens, a new perception is happening...

Rub—slowly, slowly—rub the place on the forehead between the eyes... much will begin to happen within, as if some new door has opened and a new seeing is available. As you rub, inside light will begin to spread—boundless light...

Rub, rub—inside infinite light will spread, as if a door has opened and you have stepped out of the cage...

Now be one with the light... Now forget yourself and remember the light... Now you are not—only light remains... Be one with it; dissolve completely in it...

Let go; lose yourself into the light; become one... Experience, experience... There is light—only light, only light—and you are becoming one with the light... merging with it...

Those who cannot evoke the sense of light, place both hands over the eyes and press the eyes gently; waves of light will begin inside. Those who cannot feel the light should put both hands on their eyes and press your palms—press very slowly... Place the hands over the eyes and press gently, and waves of light will begin within... Light only—light; infinite light... Light only—light; infinite light... Inside there is only light, and you are lost in that inner light...

Spectators should not converse here at all—just keep watching silently. And please stand a little aside; no one should be obstructed by you.

Light only—light; infinite light. Experience it, experience it... Let the light fill every pore, the body-mind, everywhere... Dive into the ocean of light, dive—like a fish in the sea, become one with the light...

Experience, experience... Along with the light, bliss begins to descend... With the experience of light, waves of bliss begin to descend... Experience, experience... Light only—light; light only—light... Experience... light... and more light... and more light... You are gone; only light remains...

And following behind the light, waves of bliss will begin to spread within; waves of joy will begin to arise; bliss will begin to pervade every pore... Behind the light comes bliss... Behind the light comes bliss... Experience, experience—bliss is descending, bliss is spreading, from all sides bliss is showering... Become like a completely empty pot, and as raindrops fill the empty pot, bliss goes on filling you...

Now be just a nothingness, an empty vessel, and let the vessel be filled totally with bliss... Let bliss fill the body-mind-breath on all sides; let bliss fill you; become one with bliss...

Only bliss remains... Experience bliss, experience it; let the waves of bliss spread to every pore... Within the heart, let heartbeat by heartbeat be filled with bliss... Let breath by breath be filled with bliss... Bliss...

Now feel the bliss; now be filled with bliss; now be one with the bliss... Merge, merge, merge...

Those who are not able to experience bliss, place your right hand on your heart and press gently. Put your right-hand palm on your heart and press the spot. Those who are not feeling bliss, they should put their right-hand palm on the heart and then press the spot, press the spot...

The very pressing will start waves of bliss spreading within—as if a stone were thrown into a lake and waves rose up—so too, the moment you press the heart, waves will begin to spread... Just by pressing your heart, waves of bliss are coming... and they go on spreading, they go on spreading...

Experience bliss; be blissful. Experience bliss; drown in bliss; become one... Experience bliss; experience bliss; be blissful; experience bliss; be blissful... Let bliss fill every pore, every breath...

Bliss... bliss... bliss... Feel bliss... more bliss... more bliss... and become one with it... Merge, merge, merge with this bliss...

And following right behind bliss, the presence of the Divine begins to be felt... And the density of bliss becomes the Divine’s presence... Experience bliss, and following behind, the touch of the Divine begins to come... The deeper one is in bliss, the deeper one goes into the Divine... Experience the Divine—he stands encircling you on all sides; his touch is on all sides; within and without he is touching...

Now dissolve yourself completely and feel the presence of the Divine... In the incoming breath, he alone is; in the outgoing breath, he alone is... Experience—experience the touch of the Divine, and his touch will fill the body and the life-breath with dance and with a new fragrance... Experience the touch, and inner realization will begin to descend... Experience his presence, and the heart will begin to dance within... Experience his presence, and within you will become fragrant... Experience—experience his presence, and you become a temple... Experience his presence... Feel the Divine all around, and you become the Divine’s temple... Experience...

Those who are not able to feel the presence should stop the breath for a second exactly where it is. Those who are not able to feel the Divine should stop their breath as it is—stop for a moment. And the moment the breath is stopped, the presence is felt.

For a second, stop the breath exactly where it is. With the breath stopping, his presence will be felt... The Divine is present all around... Experience, experience... He alone is present; on all sides he alone is present... The Divine is present; he alone is present; he alone is present... Now you are gone; only he is...

And now experience the final state of meditation. Not only his presence—now you yourself are the Divine. I am the Divine. Experience: Aham brahmasmi! Not only his presence—now I am gone; now only he is... I myself am the Divine... Experience—I myself am the Divine... Now not only the presence of the Divine—now feel that you are the Divine... When you are not, you are the Divine... Now feel, now remember, now realize—I am the Divine... I alone am the Lord, I alone am the Lord... Experience it; experience bliss; experience bliss; bliss... I alone am the Lord...

Now again place your right-hand palm on your forehead and rub gently. Now put again your right-hand palm on the forehead between the two eyebrows and rub the spot—rub the third-eye spot—and much will happen inside... Rub; within much will happen, as if suddenly some door has opened, as if in the night’s darkness lightning has flashed... Now rub, rub the third-eye spot, and some door—an unknown door—opens inside... Rub, rub the spot, rub the spot, and feel the transformation inside... Experience the changes that are happening within... Within, much will change—everything will change; the whole consciousness changes; you enter another world...

Good. Now raise both hands toward the sky. Now raise your both hands towards the sky. Lift your eyes toward the sky, open the eyes, look at the sky—and let the sky look into you...

Now raise your both hands towards the sky; open your eyes; now see the sky and let the sky see into you... Let there be a communion between you and the sky... Spread both arms for an embrace, and let the sky’s heart come close to your heart... Now be in an embrace with the sky...

And now let whatever feeling arises in the heart be expressed totally. Now express yourself totally; whatsoever is inside, let it be expressed... Become utterly mad—whatever is happening within, express it...

Now just be mad in expressing... Do not hold back; be totally mad; express it all—whatever is happening inside...

Enough—now stop. Fold both hands and place your head at the Divine’s feet; give thanks. Fold both hands and place your head at the Divine’s feet; give thanks. Fold both hands. Now raise your both hands in a namaskar posture and put your head at the Divine’s feet. Fold both hands; bow your head at the Divine’s feet.

Man alone is not enough; the Divine’s help is needed. Without his grace, nothing will be possible—his grace is needed. Let the feeling spread within the heart: The Lord’s grace is infinite, the Lord’s grace is infinite, the Lord’s grace is infinite. Thy grace is infinite, Thy grace is infinite, Thy grace is infinite. The Lord’s grace is infinite, the Lord’s grace is infinite, the Lord’s grace is infinite, the Lord’s grace is infinite.

Take two or four deep breaths and return carefully from meditation. Take two or four deep breaths and return carefully from meditation. Our morning meeting is complete.

There are two or three things to tell you. Continue this experiment at home, exactly as we are doing it here. Drop the fear of the neighbors; continue this experiment. Many friends are getting results here—about seventy percent. For the thirty percent who did not, the sole reason is only this: they could not gather full courage and full daring. Other than lack of courage, there is no obstacle to reaching the Divine. Even if it did not happen here, keep it up at home. In two, four, eight days—fifteen days passing—any time the happening can happen. And once it happens, then your further journey begins.

Our morning meeting is complete.